It is my nature to wrestle with things. I have never been one of those people to just go with my gut. One of my cardinal sayings is “I think I’m right, but I could be wrong.” When presented with a new idea or way of thinking, even when I instinctively want to reject it, I do my homework before I denounce or accept it. When convinced of something, however, I’m like a dog with a bone, pardon the cliché. The problem is that it takes me so long to get there. I tend to over analyze everything. I used to hate that trait in myself, but in recent years have come to appreciate the value of deliberate, prayerful thought as opposed to being a knee jerk reactionary.
It’s this tendency to wrestle that prompts me ever so often to post about my very real struggle with the role the Internet plays in my life and how I spend my time, driving me away periodically to take a break and reassess. It’s also that same internal struggle that has, thus far, brought me back after a while to pick up where we left off, resuming conversations that I hope serve to challenge us all to be the best we can be in the sphere of influence that God has entrusted to us.
I have often wondered why the network of blogs has become so great. Is it because, despite the busyness of our lives, we’re still reaching out for something? Is everyone striving for their moment in the sun? Just wanting someone to listen? One of my biggest struggles as I contemplate my small blog fish in the big pond of the Internet is whether I have enough going right in my daily walk to justify feeling bold enough to counsel others. No matter what I want to believe, or how many caveats I post, the truth is unless I resort to posting recipes and family photos, I am counseling those who read my words. That’s pretty heavy stuff.
I’ve finally accepted that it’s okay for me to share the miniscule bit of wisdom I’ve gained over the past several years, but still approach my laptop with a cautious eye. An eye on the clock, to be sure, but also an eye turned inward, making sure that my expectations of this Internet camaraderie are not more than they should be. I wonder how much I should reveal to keep my authenticity, and how much of my life I should hold back, remembering that my life involves more than just me and that the privacy of my family needs to be respected.
I’m not into Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace. Social networking sites never interested me. One of their biggest drawing cards is the possibility of reconnecting with people from years gone by. I didn’t enjoy school all that much and frankly can’t think of one solitary person from my childhood years that I would be interested in finding or having find me, besides the few I am in contact with already. I can only imagine how pitiful that sounds, but my life story is one that has required fine tuning the art of looking forward and not backward, except to learn a much needed lesson, or say a prayer of thanks. I have found the ability to forge ahead a useful skill. That must be why the story of Lot’s wife resonates so with me. If I look back too often, inwardly I’m stuck in place, like a pillar.
Every so often, when one my favorite blogs goes defunct or on hiatus, and the writer expresses her wish to spend less time online and more time with her family, my struggle begins anew. Does this blog take up too much of my time? IS it too big a presence in my life? I have concluded with a fair amount of certainty that MY blog isn’t much of a time hog at all. It’s other blogs and sites that take up the majority of my time online, which I admit is still too much even though I’ve made some changes. Homemaking blogs, political opinion sites, homeschooling resources, book reviews, cooking sites, you name it. When I learn, once for all, how to moderate time spent on those things, my time online will be significantly reduced.
I think the Internet is to the 21st century what television was to the 20th. We watch television in our house. We’re not couch potato channel surfers, and our television is off often, but the list of programs we enjoy is probably longer than it should be. When I read that a particular blogger doesn’t own a television, it doesn’t impress me as much as it used to, and I used to always feel a pang of guilt. Most people spend more time online now than watching television anyway. DVD’s crowd shelves of many homes where broadcast television is absent. Absent the commercials, it all serves the same purpose, distraction and entertainment. Even if it’s religious distraction and entertainment. Human beings have always had to deal with the realities of vice and distraction, and no matter what the distraction may be, the answer has always been the same: we need to master ourselves. Or we could all live like the Amish and remove anything that might distract us from our work.
I said all of that to say that I think my internal Internet tug-of-war may be over. I have laid aside the guilt that maintaining this blog is too time consuming when I should be focused on other pursuits. As time goes on, my little ones get older, and homeschooling becomes a full-time occupation, I am confident that I will make the adjustments necessary to fulfill the duties I need to perform. The day is swiftly approaching when nap times will be no more and I will be forced to cut back on the time I spend here. I’m prepared for that
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in the roughly 3 years since I entered the blogosphere is that personal assurance and contentment are necessities for one who would spend any amount of time conversing online. There is always the opportunity, when looking at the portrait that others paint of their lives, to feel inadequate, to wonder if what you’re doing is good enough. But you know what? That’s just a distraction, too. The devil doesn’t have any new tricks, just new clothes. I appreciate the encouragement you women (and a few gentlemen) offer, and I appreciate that I can reciprocate in that encouragement and prayer, even as we are separated by states, continents, and even oceans.
Long live the Internet!
That was a joke, y’all. Lighten up.
Loved this post, Mrs. Terry! As you know, this is something I’ve been thinking a lot about as well –your musings helped me sort through some of my own thoughts (it’s ironic that we should post in such similar veins
).
I love reading what you share. I think you are a wonderful writer with a distinct voice –I hope you’ll continue to let it be heard!
I agree with Jasmine.
Like you, I’m a Tug-of-war-ish sort.
And I have great difficulty with time management.
And have repeatedly thought of quitting the internet. Until about 6 years ago, we didn’t even own a computer and I survived just fine.
Although the internet has great potential for evil (time waster–faith shaker–temptation to buy, view, think about ungodly stuff), it has also given me the opportunity to grow in Christ in ways that I so far had not been able. Even (especially?) the very wrong new perspectives I encountered forced me to go study my Bible and pray like I’d never done before. And I’ve met several folks that I’m positive are of Christ’s family (believe it or not, God can direct us as to who is and who is not someone with whom He wants us to be interacting–just like in real life). The online fellowship has been a beautiful thing.
After having belonged to several secular health and exercise oriented forums, I can attest to the fact that God WILL make it clear when it is time to leave, if you are listening. He has also led me off of several Christian blog sites where time was being wasted or I had been mixing with those who obviously do not currently share my desire to dig deeper into a personal relationship with Jesus.
Long story short: the internet can be detrimental to one’s Christian walk. If we stay on because it’s an addiction or we think the world will fall apart if we leave, then it is an idol and God will see to it that it will be crushed and removed one way or another.
I have always kept a pretty small circle of close friends, have not felt the calling to be a “street preacher” or foreign missionary or book author or pastor. I’m learning to step out of my comfort zone and really love the people around me. But being a stay at home mom does tend to limit my evangelism opportunities to my own children (certainly a worthy cause!) and whoever I happen to contact in day-to-day life. Even at that, there are plenty of real life opportunities to love others for Jesus and share the gospel on some level.
{Actually, we recently became aware of another local “need” situation we may be able to help with. I would appreciate any prayer for wisdom in that area–thank you}
I do not consider myself to be a “teacher” in the sense of having students whom I lecture on my blog–or as a commenter. However, I’m well aware that everyone learns so it is important to be careful of how I present my thoughts. I don’t want people to see me–but Christ in me. I don’t want followers but I do want to push others toward Him so we can all follow together. That should be the approach anywhere, though, because there is always (I mean ALWAYS) someone watching.
The internet offers great potential for harm. Like the “Ladies Bible study” that quickly spirals into being a weekly gossip session, even good intentions can go awry if not harnessed and directed by the Holy Spirit.
But this can also be a powerful tool that God uses to reach someone who might never have otherwise heard of the love of Christ or the need to be reconciled with Him. Or (s)he could just be a fellow believer in need of a word of encouragement that is not forthcoming in “real life” circumstances.
Christians do have the ability here to get out the truth about Christ like never before. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the internet was absolutely flooded with Gospel-centered information from all quarters?
While I would never suggest that internet action be the sum total (or even majority) of a believer’s experience, the Lord can use this media to deeply touch the heart of someone you’ve never met in person. I’ve been a grateful recipient of this sort of teaching, so I know it is certainly possible.
There is no substitute for asking God to give wisdom and personal direction in this area. That is a certainty.
To me, the internet is the new answer to newspapers. I read my blogs in the morning before we get started with the day, just like my parents used to read the paper.
I don’t remember feeling neglected that they were reading the paper.
And just like the paper, if you use Google reader or some other tool like that, there IS an ending point.
You and I have some things in common, for sure, Terry. I am not looking to reconnect with the vast majority of people from my past either, for good reason.
I must say, I think the internet is so large, varied and multi-purpose; anything from paying bills, looking at job or apartment listing, communicating with friends to feeding a p*rn addiction. It really is what you make of it.
I don’t find your blog to be preachy or come off as trying to enlighten us all. I have always found you to have a strong tug towards being humble, but at the same time, you have some good things to share from time to time, with respect to wisdom.
In my great emotional instability, I have wavered greatly in my view of blogging, but I think at it’s best it can be a conversation between friends, thinking, asking and sharing experiences. Some people seem to have the ability to only give what they can spare, as far as time, without feeling sucked into the pressure to post often and I like that idea.
I tend to think of the internet and all of us bloggy gals in particular as kind of the 21st century version of chatting over the backfence. When I was young we lived in a neighborhood that was full of stay-at-home moms and I remember the connections and relationships the mothers had with each other very well. The laughter, and the cups of coffee, and the hurt feelings and gossip as well. I remember how all of the mothers in the neighborhood quietly stepped up to care for the neglected children of the alcoholic mother who lived across the street from my best friend. I remember “garage parties” where we’d all come together in one or another of the neighbors’ cleared out garage to eat and talk or watch home movies of someone’s vacation to the Grand Canyon or some such thing.
I think as women we have a very real need to connect with each other. The fact of the matter is that making connections in the real world isn’t as easy as it used to be, especially for us homemakers. I am the only homemaker on my entire block… probably within the nearest several blocks. The homes around me sit empty most of the day, and evening for that matter, and when the occupants come home, they are too worn out and pressed for time for any socializing. For most of society these days, home is not the center of life… but rather school or work. And so of course, connections with other folks are made there, with people they have much in common with. But those of us at home still have the need for connection and discourse with other gals.
In times past there were women who spent way too much time chatting with the neighbors or making visits here and there for coffee… and neglecting the home they were supposed to be keeping. There were women who watched soap operas all day and fed their family frozen dinners back then, just like there are women today who spend hour after hour “blog-hopping” and make a panicked run through the drive-thru for dinner. It’s not the internet that is evil, or too tempting- it is our own lack of self discipline, our own selfishness and slothfulness that is the problem. In other words…. the problem is sin.
I loved how you put it: “The devil doesn’t have any new tricks, just new clothes.” The exhibits of our sin in the 21st century may be different than in our mothers’ day, but it’s still just plain old sin, nonetheless.
I don’t think the answer is abstaining from the internet. I think we need to make sure we keep it in proper perspective. A few minute of chatting over the clothesline, a cup of coffee with friends once or twice a week never infringed on most of our mother’s homemaking. In fact the break from the routine probably buoyed her spirits. And having others around who might stop in unannounced provided a sort of accountability, I think. That’s what I see the internet doing for me in my life today. And when I find myself slipping into spending too much time online, or expending too much emotional energy on my posts, it helps to remind myself that in the final analysis, all of this internet stuff is just entertainment. So I have fun with it. But I try not to take any of this too seriously☺
You know, Brenda, I never really thought of it quite that way before.
I think modern the parenting trend, the child-centered focus, causes even those of us who rebel against it to feel a tug of guilt when we are doing anything not, well, child-centered.
My family is well cared for, so why do I wrestle with this so much?
Yes, Diane, it is important not to take any of this too seriously, and thankfully that is one thing I do not wrestle with.
Your comparison to the homemakers of days gone by is an excellent addendum to my rambling thoughts.
Always appreciate your gracious point of view.
I’ll amen what Diane said. I’m of her generation. There was much more interaction between wives, as more of them stayed at home and people in towns or neighborhoods knew each other.
And, yes, there were ones who neglected their families because of too much kaffee-klatsching, soap operas or volunteer work. She is right: sin doesn’t change.
As she says, we don’t have to let it take over our lives, and we need to keep things in perspective.
I’m mindful, too, that people may be taking my advice or criticism and try to be careful. It is a kind of “unreal” feeling to have so many strangers read your blog. Sometimes that creeps me out and makes me want to shut it down. Especially since I’m the type that tends to reveal too much. I hate being secretive. It’s like, “If I can tell everything bad about myself that I can get away with without making my family angry, and my blog friends still tell me I’m ok, then I MUST be ok!!” Problems with self-confidence, and a general feeling of unworthiness at finding myself in mid-life as a pastor’s wife, when previously, I could do anything I wanted. I wonder if I’ll ever adjust.
The blogs are affirming, at least most of the time. I related to your last post about this months ago, Terry, when you said that in real life, people outside your own family rarely give you the time of day, where on the blogs, there is always somebody there to affirm you.
“What’s wrong with that?” says my husband. Men don’t feel guilty all the time like we women do.
Anyway, I’m still glad you are blogging again, Terry. I understand that in your posts, you are dealing with issues and wondering “aloud” about things, not pontificating.
I want to thank you for blogging. I am a stay at home mom/wife and the few women I could get together with when we all had small children have long since returned to work . We had not much in common but little kids , kind of like when I worked full time for 17 years I was with people I had little in common with. Most of the talk was about money, how worthless their mates were , and drugs , drinking and parties and illegal or immoral activity. I wasn’t even a Christian then and it was physically and emotionally wearing on me. Even my bible study is called the working women’s bible study.! The only other bible study I found during the day the pastor informed us the the bible was not to be believed in. So it is a great relief in this life to find people in blog land who make me think or sometimes just say things I agree with , because it is so harsh on the heart to constantly have the world grating on it. I am just grateful that you have the inclination to write , you write beautifully , often making me think or question some thought I had and often I feel a peaceful feeling that in some beliefs I am not alone in the world. I remember my Mom’s world where there were stay at home Mom’s in the 60′s it seemed soooo good. My Mom loved it. Now all the stay at home Mom’s are on blogs instead of next door. It seems we have made our world into a lonely place these past 40 years or so.
You are right, Karen, that we have made the world a very lonely place, particularly for the SAHM.
If there is one thing the Internet does well, it’s that it provides a voice and an outlet for just about anyone. In the case of people like us, Christian women swimming against the cultural tide, it has been a godsend.