…On the subject of marriage, that is.
It was my intention to stick with Sheila through the entire 2011 calendar year and participate in Wifey Wednesday. I have a heart for marriages and what we can do as wives to have great marriages. The more I think about this, however, the more I realize that it really comes down to a few key issues, most of which need to be individualized by each couple. And most of them I have addressed here repeatedly:
- Obey the Scripture. Yes, this means submit to your husband. Your own husband that is. I know it’s not popular.
- Pray for wisdom, guidance, and the right spirit when dealing with your man.
- Realize that love by definition, is focused on the other person’s needs and not your own. “But what about me?” really isn’t a loving question. This is not a dismissal of a wife’s needs. Please don’t interpret it as such.
- Listen to your husband. Pay attention. Most of what I learned about what makes my husband tick came through paying attention to him. He would same the same about me. For example, does he react particularly pleased when you wear a certain color or appreciate something he does that you might think is insignificant? Learn his love language. You may never have a “moment of truth” on some of these matters but attention to details can make or break a relationship.
- Give your husband the permission to speak freely. To express his opinions without fear of retribution from you. This, from what I have witnessed, is a major issue for women, although they have no problem expressing a litany of complaints to and about their husbands.
- Sex, meeting his needs, and expressing yours. I shouldn’t have to say more than that so in the interest of discretion, I won’t.
Committing to making an effort in these 6 areas will work wonders in any marriage. It requires selflessness and consistency. But our marriage are worth it, are they not?
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
This post is a part of Wifey Wednesday hosted by Sheila at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. There’s an excellent post up today written from the male perspective. Click on over today and every Wednesday for more wifely encouragement.
It has been an honor to participate in this effort with Sheila.
Terry,
I wanted to let you know I appreciate that your heart is so turned toward encouraging Christian wives to bring honor to the Lord’s name by honoring our husbands in the way He has prescribed. This is not at all a popular message in much of our society today. And, sadly, even we Christians have not escaped the pull the world can have on our thinking and justification for holding certain attitudes.
This is a very good encapsulation of the view you’ve previously presented…and pretty nearly all of it falls under point #1 in the admonishment to obey Scripture. Truly, the Biblical instructions to love the Lord above all, be constantly in prayer, submit ourselves to the direction of the Spirit, and treat others as well as (or better than) we would like to be treated covers the way we ought to respond to every possible marital situation.
Being human as we are, though, sometimes the path of action is not crystal clear for various reasons and it is necessary to consult scripture in depth or elaborate on details as you have at times. In this light, there certainly may be future opportunity for you to share your personal observations or concerns on this theme.
This is coming from one who tends to hit any given topic from every conceivable angle, though
Happy Wednesday!
Good column. From this man’s point of view, I would melt like butter in a marital relationship with a woman like this. Heck, even women I’ve casually met who gave off ‘vibes’ that they’re like this intrigued me and still do (she was too young for me, that went nowhere as I’m certain she didn’t want to pursue a relationship with a guy her dad’s age, even if I don’t look it). Not into a passive wimp, mind you. But my theoretical wife’s submissive attitude would trigger my instinct to be good to her, defend her and yes, ‘dote’ on her from time to time (not in a girly-man way, that’s a GREAT way to assure disharmony).
Hi Terry! Thanks for sticking it out with me this long! And don’t worry if you have to take a break sometimes.
I’ve always appreciated your insights. My problem with a lot of marriage advice is that those who WANT to do the right thing and whose hearts are turned to God will listen. But what about those who are not tuned to God? Many people search out the internet to find justification to do the wrong thing, and if you search hard enough, you will find it. 99 people can tell them to do the right thing, but if one person confirms them in their thinking, they’ll take that as a sign that it’s okay to pursue the path they want to take anyway.
I’m really writing a lot of my posts for that type of person, but I’m not sure it helps, because I’m not sure people in that mindset want to think of marriage in a different way. And that’s what I sometimes find rather difficult, whether it’s speaking or writing or blogging.
Sigh.
But maybe I just need to get outside and enjoy the summer more and my perspective will get better!
I would have ran out of things long before you did, because I think the core of most of the major problems in marriages is really selfish expectations. We can talk about it from different perspectives and how to handle differing situations and steps to improve, but boiled down the problem always comes down to just that, it seems to me.
I rarely have seen a marriage not improve (where there is no outright abuse), when one let go of his/her expectations on his/her spouse and put expectations on his/herself only. Better when both do it, best when both do it with the desire of pleasing the Lord above all.
I always hear people saying, “I want somebody who will be there for me,” but when you suggest that it works both ways and that the person will want you to be there for them, too, we get a blank look. Never occurred to them. Many don’t figure on marriage being a 2-way street, with compromising on both sides.