Theological Crash Course

Thoughts rolling around in my head:

Enlighten me, please. What exactly, is ‘reformed theology’? I have heard the term used quite a bit in recent years (incessantly online). Every time I think I’ve got the gist of it , I have more questions. 

Based on the above link,  it would appear I’m Reformed, even though I never quite understood what that means. I always assumed it was based loosely on the conclusions drawn by Luther, father of the reformation, and from that was a springboard to what is largely known as Calvinism.

Here is my problem. And it is one I’ve had a long time, so bear with me, my Reformed friends. I am not a big fan of theological camps. To my mind,  Scripture is enough. Calvinism, Arminian,  Reformed, T.U.L.I.P., take your pick; camps bother me. Whenever I hear of someone lining up behind a brand of theology, this passage of Scripture begins to roll over in my mind like a tape recording: 

Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.  For it has been declared to me concerning you, my brethren, by those of Chloe’s household, that there are contentions among you.  Now I say this, that each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” or “I am of Christ.”  Is Christ divided? (1 Corinthians 1:10-13).

In haste, I once  left a comment on a dear sister’s blog saying that the doctrine we often hear parroted today, “Once saved always saved”, was one I didn’t believe in. It was a mistake on my part because I didn’t mean it quite the way it came across.  I never meant to imply that one could “lose” their salvation, but rather that so often the hasty altar calls and formulaic sinners’ prayers of today are  not accompanied by true repentance. When these dear people find themselves continuing to wallow in sin,  and come back  to ask for help or prayer or to be sure they are saved, they are told, “Once saved always saved”. It’s used like some kind of a catch phrase to wipe away their guilt.  What might very well be Holy Spirit induced conviction of sin is dismissed. What might be their opportunity to repent and make their call and election sure is missed, and they walk away in a worse state than the first because now they are made comfortable in their sinful state.

I have met many people, particularly young people, who have shared with me that no matter how they are living, they have been assured that they are saved. It was not my intention to imply that salvation could be lost, but that it may have never been there to start with.

I didn’t go into this much detail there as I have here to clarify my point, and another reader referred to me as Arminian, taking exception with my comment . At the risk of sounding like a complete idiot, I must admit  that I had absolutely no idea what an Arminian was nor what Arminians believe. I had to Google it and do some research!

I am embarrassed to admit that because I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I read all the time, varieties of books, covering all kinds of subjects. But frankly, when it comes to theology and the doctrine of salvation, I usually just stick with the Bible. When I hold any of the prevailing theological traditions up against Scripture, and am looking closely enough, I can find a point of contention.

I guess the point of this post, which was inspired by an email I received on the heels of my recent book review post, is that I am increasingly disturbed by the credence we give to labels in the church. I fully appreciate that we live in a world where things are qualitatively labeled so that we can know exactly what it is we’re looking at and for. We can identify a system of beliefs based on the fact that someone is Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, or what have you.

 I have found this to be true as well: we need to be careful not to take the labeling too far. Our Messiah was clear when he said you know a tree by its fruit, not by its label. It’s this admonition that stops me from immediately assuming that someone is not a Christian if they belong to a faith tradition, say Catholicism, that parts ways with my belief in many areas. If they believe in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus for our justification and remission of sins, I need to be careful before I dismiss them as an unsaved heretic. I need more information than just the label.

As for me, I have no idea where I fall on the spectrum to be honest with you.  There are things that Calvin taught that I agree with, and things there are tenets of the Arminian belief system that I believe have concrete Biblical support. There are Catholic tenets of faith that I agree with as well, that have Biblical support. Our church is non-denominational, though there is a statement of faith as well as a mission statement that clearly states what we believe.

If you ask me what I believe:  I believe the Bible.

I leave you with this quote from C.S. Lewis, which I happened upon as I perused his Letters To An American Lady:

“I believe that, in the present state of divided Christendom, those who are at the heart of each division are all closer to one another than those who are at the fringes…

Let us by all means pray for one another: it is perhaps the only form of “work for re-union” wich never does anything but good. God bless you.”

Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

Created To Be His Helpmeet, Pt. 2

In the first part of this review I indicated that I would review this in two parts because it was structured almost as 2 books. Well, I wish it were 2 books instead of one. Some time ago I wrote a post titled, I’ve Said Enough, So I’ll Stop Right Here.  I sincerely wish Mrs. Pearl would have ended with that line at the close of part one of her book. While I gave part one a ‘B-’, I give part two a solid ‘D’.

As I ended part one of the book, even with the caveats I noted, I was satisfied because American women, even those  who are Christians, have largely divorced ourselves from the Biblical marriage by reinterpreting Biblical commands that are clearly and repeatedly indicated in Scripture. It increasingly bothers me and was the main reason I was willing to overlook some of my problems with part one. It tilted much more in favor of Biblical marriage than most Christian women today would care to admit.

One thing I hate even more than the state of American womanhood however, is the male bashing that has become common in our culture, the media, and sadly, even in the church. And underneath all of the wisdom concerning loving our husbands was a strong undercurrent of misandry and  painting of men as one-dimensional beings, only interested in sex and unable to handle being challenged. My antennae first went up during part one when she described Lucifer, an angel, as a “male being” in an attempt to explain some facets of masculine behavior. I’m not sure why in retrospect, but I let that gross error go, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I can see now that was a mistake, as at the time I recalled thinking, “Are we comparing men to devils? Since we know unequivocally that God our Father, and Jesus, His Son, our Messiah, are male beings, where then does that leave us?”

That should have been a clue that I would have  more problems with the handling of Scripture in this book. As a mother of many, I have often offered consolation to mothers who have difficulty fitting systematic Bible study into their days on a regular basis. I have those seasons as well and I know that they are real. Still, I fight inwardly with my need to devote time to prayer and study of  the word on a consistent basis. While I often have to fight off the guilt that attacks me when I honestly haven’t had time to sit with Bible, concordance and pen and paper at the ready, I was thankful while reading this book that I have never truly bought in to the notion that a mother doesn’t have time to study her Bible. It forces me to do so when I do have the time. Every believer needs to study so that we can  rightly divide the word of Truth.

Although I was able to find a few gems of wisdom in this book, I have already settled in my heart that I cannot in good conscience give it a blanket recommendation. Not because I believe it is completely evil, having nothing good to offer, but because I know that far too many believers are not  students of Scripture. And there is enough error here to make this book dangerous to the majority of believers. Particularly as more and more people look for a shortcut, a formula, or a method for building a successful ______(insert desired word here).

Before I get too far into my numerous problems with the second half of CTBHHM, I will, as is my custom, point out something that I did appreciate in the second half. It is important in light of some of the erroneous pictures of womanhood emerging as the church attempts to swing the pendulum away from the disastrous results that the culture of androgyny has wrought on marriages.

On page 217 was the story of a Vicky, whose husband didn’t lift a finger to fix anything around the house. While his own home fell apart, he was quick to rise and ride to the rescue of elderly women in the neighborhood who needed things around their homes fixed. While I believe Mrs. Pearl was wrong to give this husband a pass on his behavior because of his wife’s attitude, she was right about one thing. Women are perfectly capable of taking care of yard work, painting a room, or fixing a leaky faucet.

I rather abhor this trend I have seen becoming more prevalent among Christian women as we distance ourselves from a culture that treats men and women as interchangeable: that jobs around the house  requiring a little sweat or strength are inherently “men’s work” or that the sphere of the wife is limited to the work that requires little sweat equity: cooking, sewing, cleaning, and caring for the children. In my opinion, a virtuous wife simply does what needs to be done if she can do it. There is no logical reason why the grass in our yard should remain overgrown until my husband is available on the weekends to cut it when I am at home everyday, presumably to manage the home. I can cut the grass. I think Mrs. Pearl was right on that note. Unfortunately, throughout my reading of the second portion of this book, I did not find  anything more that I could embrace.

My problems with part two began almost immediately, with Mrs. Pearl’s repeated assertion that a mother could, by virtue of her perfectly watchful eye, keep harm from befalling her children. By way of disclosure, I admit that my own baggage came rushing to the forefront of my mind as Mrs. Pearl offered a scenario in which a young child might be molested if his or her mother turned her back for even a couple of minutes. She used this as a possible fallout of a mother not watching her children well. As one who experienced a violation and loss of innocence during my early years, I was  insulted.  Once again, a complex matter was being oversimplified. I mentioned recently that as an infant and young child, I was raised by my widowed father, who incidentally, is not commanded to be a keeper of his home and had several children to support. Life happens and sin rages despite our best efforts. While I understood perfectly the point she was attempting to make, I thought that her line of reasoning took it a bit too far, and furthermore, was wrought with inconsistency. Because of my inability to view the topic from a place of objectivity,  however, I tried to give her a mental pass.

The inconsistency came to bear later when she advised, and I believed rightly so, that women whose husbands insist that they work should honor their wishes and do so. Does the wife in this position still bear guilt if some harm befalls her child while she is submitting to her husband? That was just one incidence of inconsistency that I noted as I continued to read through the book.

Another point of blatant inconsistency was the beginning of the chapter titled, “‘To Obey or Not To Obey?”  The chapter began with the story of a woman who went to “extreme” measures to get the attention of her husband, who was addicted to pornography. Given the rest of the exceptions to unquestioned obedience outlined throughout the rest of the section, the reader is left to assume that the Pearls agree with the actions of this wronged wife, as do I. However, earlier in the book, there is the story of a woman whose husband frequented strip clubs and visited prostitutes, and the wife is hailed as a hero for honoring her husband as he committed acts that were certainly as bad, in fact worse, than the husband who was addicted to pornography. In the case of the former, the very life and health of this woman was at stake. Yet she is praised for turning a blind eye to her husband’s sin. If you are going to make an argument, it should be a consistent one.

Of all the objections I had to part two, however, none was so striking as Mrs. Pearl’s exploration of the Titus 2 command for wives “to love their husbands.” It was the only time throughout the book where I felt the need to double-check my understanding of a verse by grabbing my great big ol’ Strong’s concordance. Not the first time I disagreed with her handling of a verse, but the first time I felt like I needed to be sure. Astonishingly, she limited her very long explanation of the command to love our men strictly to the bedroom, going so far as calling lovemaking a husband’s “most consuming passion.” In the life of a godly man, sex should not be his most consuming passion. That honor should be held by his Savior. And certainly not on par with food. Whenever I hear sex held on par with food, it makes me shudder. This is the reasoning used by those forces who would encourage sexual activity by children at younger and younger ages.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. As  married woman, I know how important the physical relationship between a husband and wife is in a marriage. I truly do. In fact, feel free to peruse my very bold thoughts on the subject.  I believe this matter can and should be discussed, and my longtime readers can attest to it. Still, the word Paul used to describe what it means to love our husbands meant ‘to show affection [yes, I know sex is affectionate], to be fond of, to admire’. It was the Greek word philos, often used to describe loving friendships. My point here is this: if a wife gives herself to her husband whenever, however he wanted, never denying him, because she wants to be submissive, yet harbors ill feeling for him in her mind and heart, has she satisfied the Biblical command to love her husband? Mrs. Pearl implies that she has. This is a disservice to men, as it implies that they really don’t care whether or not their wives like them, so long as they have sex with them.

It is very sad that within the church this issue of marital intimacy is one we cannot seem to get a handle on. The pendulum  always seems to be swinging in the wrong direction. There are people like Mrs. Pearl, who over emphasize the importance of sex, and then there are some who think all mention of sex should be uttered in hushed tones under the cover of darkness. As if Satan invented it. There is a balanced way to approach it, but sadly, this book doesn’t find it.

I was a bit saddened after reading part two of this book because part one held some promise. I cannot recommend this book in good conscience. At the beginning, it was a blessing to me as it relates to my own heart attitude, but that was about it. I am fortunate to be married to a man who simply says what he wants  and what he thinks. If he doesn’t like me in a certain outfit, he tells me so. If he doesn’t like a certain recipe, he tells me. If I look particularly fetching (attractive)  in a certain color or with my hair a certain way, he lets me know that, too.  If he wants intimacy, he doesn’t beat around the bush. He is always respectful when he expresses himself. That wasn’t always the case, but God has done a great work in us both!

If there is one piece of advice that I could give any wife besides obeying Scripture with regards to your marriage, it would be this:  Make it safe for your husband to tell you the truth. I have come full circle,  viewing  my husband’s blunt honesty as a gift.

Listen to your husbands talk when you get together to fellowship with other couples. You’ll be surprised what you hear. My husband has heard far too many men say that they could never tell their wives what they are really thinking because there would be heck to pay. Wives, however, usually feel perfectly at ease reciting a litany of complaints to their husband.

For those of you married to a passive, reserved Mr. Steady, to borrow the characterization from Mrs. Pearl, I can think of no other extrabiblical piece of advice I could offer. If we would be women enough to be willing to hear the truth, and godly enough to resolve in our hearts to submit, no marriage manuals beside the Bible would be necessary.

I have said more than enough, so I’ll stop right here.

Created To Be His Help Meet, Pt.1

As promised, I will share my thoughts on the book, Created to Be His Help Meet. Since the book is divided into  two parts, almost like 2 books in 1, I’ll do this post in two parts, starting with part 1, The Help Meet. I’d give the first half of this book a B- .

That’s not a bad grade, because in my opinion, it isn’t a bad book. There were a few things I disagreed with, and in fact, I offer my grade with this very strong caveat: I do not recommend this reading to anyone with a very troubled marriage. It can be damaging to the heart of a woman who is doing all she can with no positive response from her mate.

In fact, I would suggest those with a troubled marriage refrain from reading any book for guidance besides the Scriptures. If outside help is needed, I would suggest it be obtained with a trusted older couple or pastor. If there was one thing that bothered me most about this book, it was that it was filled with testimonials implying that any woman can singlehandedly save the man, the marriage, the family, and her sanity all by following the advice within its pages.

To the author’s credit, she often pointed out that husbands who engage in ungodly behaviors were responsible for their own sin, which surprised me because I read reviews where women accused her of blaming wives for everything wrong in their marriages. I didn’t get that at all. After all, it’s a book written by a woman, to women, about the role of women in marriage. There’s no place in such a book to get into a husband’s faults. But it was hard not to think that Mrs. Pearl was saying that a wife could, by prayerfully striking all the right notes, render a husband’s free will  irrelevant as he succumbed to the power of her perfectness as a help meet. Almost like magic! I didn’t care for that because sometimes men (and women) leave their marriages for reasons rooted in their own unfaithfulness that have nothing to do with their mates.

Additionally, and I’ve said this here previously. I am, and am always, a bit put off by the idea of wives ceasing to be individuals upon marriage. I’m not convinced that’s what being “one flesh” means, since my husband certainly can’t stand in my place on Judgement Day! While I certainly believe in loving, submitting to, and making every effort to please my husband, the implication that my total being is to be immersed in my husband was, in my opinion, not something that can be supported by Scripture. Prayer, Scripture study, and critical thought are every bit as important in my life as it is in my husband’s life. He wants me to think, not parrot his thoughts. This however, is not the same as trying to subtly manipulate him into doing things the way I think is best. And for the record: most men can tell the difference.

All that said, I still liked it. For those in reasonably good marriages, or wives who just need a glimpse of what a submissive wife looks like (far too many of us have never seen it) I can’t think of much else that I disagreed with. There were things I felt convicted of that frankly, I wasn’t fully conscious of in my behavior until I saw it laid out in front of me while reading this book.  It was good mirror for me to look into. Now to some of the specifics in part 1 of the book.

I almost laughed out loud when I read the letter and the author’s response to the woman whose husband was getting a little too chummy with the office secretary. I laughed partly because this was, if memory serves, one of the points of controversy in the book. That this wife was advised to make her self more attractive than “the office wench” made many women cringe. The second reason I found it funny was because the advice sounds very close to what my godly grandmother-in-law, now 86, would say if I came to her with this type of dilemma. This is controversial due to the times in which we live. The church has painted a picture of marriage as purely spiritual and the Bible doesn’t even do that! For the sake of brevity, I will not reprint 1 Corinthians 7 here, but click on the link to read it.

If this woman wished to keep her man and remain married, whatever his faults, of course she needed to do what needed to be done to make herself attractive to him.  No, it doesn’t guarantee he will stay, but constantly  beating him over the head with condemnation is a sure-fire way to push him out the door. Yes, she should pray. No, she shouldn’t engage in sinful behavior. But the idea that he needs to “love me like I am”, however that may happen to be, is a bunch of nonsense! That Bible passage I linked to up there expressly says that a married woman is concerned with earthly things, like how she may please her husband. I think the old-fashioned, in-your-face that way the author expressed herself probably had a lot to do with the way this section was received by readers. Personally, I appreciated the fact that she resisted a  prudish tone, though her frankness regarding all things sexual makes this a book unmarried women should probably skip. 

The reason I gave this book a  fairly high mark was the extensive amount of space (3 chapters) dedicated to the importance of being joyful, content, and thankful. These are invaluable to the health of any relationship and the fact that Mrs. Pearl understood that and called women out on our tendency to be ungrateful, even when we have pretty good husbands, was in my opinion, almost totally worth overlooking the parts I didn’t care for.

Specifically, I was moved by the women who complained because their husbands watched television, or “weren’t spiritual enough”, or any other number of minor things that were being blown up into major things. I could have easily been one of those women when I began to get disillusioned with public school and the decision was made that my older children would stay put, though we would homeschool the younger ones.

Thankfully, I was able to get over myself and appreciate that I have a good husband, that I am not inherently more spiritual than he, and that I am not more aware of what’s best than he is. We women do fall into that trap. I’ve seen it more times than I can count and I appreciated Mrs. Pearl’s wisdom in pointing out that the notion that women are more spiritual than men is damaging to marriages and causes us, as women, to inwardly exalt ourselves over our husbands even as we pretend to be the dutiful, submissive wife. Looking for the good in our men, being thankful for the fact that we have good men, and refusing to try and make them be more like what we want than who God made them to be, is always good advice.

We touched on this last week, but I will revisit it here briefly because the discussion was relegated to the comments section and was another point of contention with the book. The section was entitled, “Wisdom to Know Your Man”, and in it, Mrs. Pearl and her daughter lay out three different categories they claimed most men fall into: Mr. Command Man, Mr. Visionary, and Mr. Steady. As I said before, I believe that the idea that  most men fit neatly into one of these three boxes was an oversimplification. I do believe that there are such things as personality types and most of us, with a little self-observation, can probably identify ourselves as one type or another. But rarely does any of us behave in line with that 100% of the time. This is particularly true for those of us whom the Holy Spirit is at work in. Sometimes we will be called to rise above our natural bend and do things in a way we usually wouldn’t.

For example, as I said in response to the last post, if I had to categorize my husband, it would be in the first category, Mr. Command. My husband wears the pants in this house, there’s no doubt about it. It is obvious to any and everyone who is close enough to our family to know us well. But he isn’t domineering, and never, in a million years, would my husband do something such as Mrs. Pearl attributes to such a man, like a make a huge mess walk off,  expecting me to clean it up without asking or apology. His basic sense of fairness would not allow him to behave that way.

However, I do agree with her that certain types of men are more reserved and deliberate, and a strong woman can get frustrated with that type of man and dominate rather than appreciate him. I also remember when I was very displeased with my husband’s refusal to capitulate to me. As I have gotten older, I realize that God knew I needed a strong man. We fit well together now.

There was one other point in the book that sparked controversy, and it was the story of a woman, named Sunny, who was being abused. On the strength of Mrs. Pearl’s counsel,  Sunny saw her husband changed. Mrs. Pearl said that she told the woman to leave the man, or change her behavior. The woman decided to stay and reaped unbelievable benefits. My honest opinion? That this woman wasn’t really being abused. At least not physically. Women who are being beaten, from what I’ve seen, don’t generally stay on the phone giving any and every one who’ll listen blow-by-blow details. They’re usually too scared and embarrassed. Sadly, I’ve known quite a few abused women and I have never seen that.  I think that this wife was a drama queen married to a thoughtless, verbally abusive man and she engendered sympathy with her exaggerated complaining about him to any and everyone who would listen, thereby making it worse. I know I sound cynical, but it’s what I think. And no, I am not excusing verbal abuse.

The book covers so much ground that it would be impossible for me to touch on all of it in this type of forum. I realize that my favorable review is not shared by many. In fact, the things that give me pause are what caused me to issue the word of caution above. This book isn’t for everyone, to be sure.

The only book that meets that standard is the Bible. Because I have always been a “big picture” type of person, it was very easy for me to appreciate the good in this book despite its limitations. And I liked part 1.

Next time, I hope to take a look at part two, Titus 2.

This and That: Some Random Musings

This and that, as the catchy title of the post implies…

~Has it already been 2 years since I posted this? Where did the time go! Our Sweetie Pie is two years old today. She is getting into any and everything, the wobbles in her walk are fading, and her vocabulary is on the increase. Of course, there are times I wish I had a translator handy when she decides to string together a sentence! Happy Birthday, Sweetie Pie!

~And at the other end of the spectrum: I have a kid in college. Yes, you read that right. Down here, high school students who prove via testing that they can do the work can take college classes for free. Our high school sophomore, BrightEyes, is taking college algebra at the local community college. She’s feeling pretty ambitious, hoping to take enough classes to get her A.A. at the same time as her high school diploma.

When her dad and I dropped her off, and she started to jump out of the truck, the reality of what it meant was a bit lost on me at first. Then she said, “It feels like the first day of school.” And my husband said, “I hope your mom doesn’t start to cry.” Then it hit me. My kid is in college! And my eyes welled up, but I didn’t cry.

~So I’m browsing around in this great used bookstore: And I run across the very controversial marriage book by Debi Pearl, Created to Be His Helpmeet. It isn’t a new book. It’s been around quite a while, in fact. But I’d never read it for several reasons. First, I read many reviews of it when it was gaining popularity a few years ago. There were a few women that raved about it being convicting and a revelation, but many more thought it was disgusting, heretical, and disrespectful of women. I didn’t want to spend my husband’s hard earned money on a book that was filled with error or that I might hate.

Secondly, I’m not a big fan of marriage books. I have always been of the mind that marriage is pretty cut and dried in the Bible: What to do, what not to do, how to be a godly husband, and how to be a godly wife. Marriage books, I figured, just muddy the thinking, so I tend to skip them. I’ve onlyever read two:  Elizabeth George’s A Wife After God’s Own Heart, which was a solid, balanced book, and a great book on marital intimacy written by my blogging friend Sheila. I reviewed it here, for those interested.

The Debi Pearl book piqued my interest again, however, after Brenda recently mentioned enjoying it on her blog. Not all of her readers agreed, of course, so when I saw the book  for a very manageable $6, I thought I might read it. I purchased it. I haven’t gotten very far, but what I have read has been interesting. I hope to share my thoughts over the next week or so.

When I do, I welcome the thoughts of those among you who have also read this book. I hope to have fun time reviewing it, whether we all agree or not.

~America unhinged? When I was in the car the other day, I happen to stumble across the radio program of a conservative talker who was all in a tizzy over the new Supreme Court nominee. What, I thought, is this all about? I am no fan of our current President, but as the saying goes: elections have consequences and power comes with privileges. Among those privileges is the ability to nominate judges whose take on the law matches his own. There are plenty of policies and legislative initiatives we can take exception with, particularly things have to go through Congress, where theoretically voters have some say. I don’t think this woman is qualified, but that’s not my call to make.

Additionally, there was even a woman screeching on about denying Miranda rights to the guy who tried to set a bomb off in NYC a little over a week ago. Generally, I loathe the practice of reading rights to foreign, non-citizen terrorists. Miranda rights are rights guaranteed to American citizens. Guess what? That guy was a citizen! An alleged terrorist, yes, but a CITIZEN alleged terrorist. The show host agreed with her inanity. I was dumbfounded. Just proves that irrational, ideologically driven foolishness isn’t isolated to those on the left, though I do think they have a worse case of ideological delusion than those more conservative. Once you say citizens can be stripped of their rights based on the nature of the crime, we are all in jeopardy. What a waste of airtime!

 That energy would be much better spent educating listeners on the way government is supposed to function and arming them with the information they need when they go to the ballot box. Hearing that just reminded me of why I stopped listening to talk radio except on rare occasions. I’ll take Allistair Begg over Rush anyday.

~How often do you think about heaven? When was the last time you heard a message on the Second Coming? After hearing a message at church recently, it occurred to me how much time and energy we (meaning me) spend attempting to get our faith to work for us with the end result being relief from difficulty and increased comfort in the here and now. I realize that Scripture and faith are to be applied in this life. But I’m supposed to be building up for myself treasures in heaven. Unfortunately many of the most popular preachers of our day are encouraging believers to do more of what we do naturally: looking for perfection here. If life were perfect here, we wouldn’t long for heaven. And that also goes for our faith walk. If it were possible for us to be perfected now, how prideful, arrogant, and useless to the kingdom we would be! I dare say delusions of personal perfection are what’s keeping us from winning souls as it is. Just some food for thought.

Enjoy a relaxed, worshipful, and family-filled weekend!

Queen of the Lists

Every now and then, in the interest of keeping it real, I roll out my confessions about how hard I have to work just to be an adequate homemaker.

Like my friend Diane, I am fairly well obsessed with finding a schedule or organizational system to get me through the day. I absolutely love looking at sites such as The Organized Home. In fact, given the amount of time and mental energy I put into it, my home should run like a well-oiled machine. Well, it does run like a machine, but more often like one on the fritz!

I grew up in a two-income family, and homemaking was not high on the priority list. This isn’t to say that our house wasn’t clean or that we didn’t eat decent meals. We definitely did. But there was no need for attempts at scheduling or filling hours of the day in a productive way because our house sat empty most of the day. Being responsible for keeping a house clean that’s constantly lived in is vastly different than tidying up after dinner and keeping the bathroom clean.

So once again, I find myself trying out a new strategy for keeping house in a way that doesn’t leave me overwhelmed. I am Queen of the Lists, and frankly, if I don’t a list of tasks to cross off one by one, I will spend the whole day flitting about from one thing to the next, starting several things but seeing very few, if any, through to completion.

My current list of  Things to Get Done by Day’s End looks like this :

• Quiet Time
• Start a load of laundry
• Exercise (followed by shower and getting dressed)
• Breakfast (don’t forget to take vitamins!)
• Kitchen and Dining Room clean up
• Quick Clean bathrooms and empty trash
• Make bed
• Tend/water garden
• cook dinner
• prepare husband’s work clothes for tomorrow

I have a checklist with all these little items, along with three more specific tasks for each of the 5 days of the work week.  For example, Monday’s three are to dust the ceiling fans, purge/clean underneath bathroom vanities, and remember to change the dishcloth in the kitchen. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it is very easy for me to forget the dust the ceiling fans if I don’t have it written down in front of me. Since I get up a full hour and a half ahead of my husband, I used to forget to go back and make the bed. Now that it’s on my list, it gets done every day, and early!

Here is where I make a big confession, one that could cost me readers among the anti-media set: I turn on the television from 9 to 10 most weekday mornings so I can clean up after the morning rush. I know how horrible that sounds, but there it is. The littles enjoy putting away the silverware, and they do that quite well, and they are excellent dustpan holders. But Superwhy, a well made, highly educational show on a  commercial free station, gives me the extra few minutes I need to get my house in decent shape once they’ve done their “chores.” At 10, the house is presentable and we can dive into our homeschool lite activities before going outside to play leading up to lunch and nap time.

There is a point to this seemingly pointless, meandering stream of thoughts, and it’s this. If I can manage to keep a house, anyone can. I know it’s common for people to say “If I can do it, anyone can.” But in my case, it is really true. I’ve seen what becomes of my house without my lists, and it ain’t pretty!

The key to being a homemaker is to find out what works for you and do that, no matter what Mrs. Suzy Perfect down the street or at church may be doing. Not all of us are natural-born homemakers. I’m going to make yet an other confession, one that may cost me status with the super spiritual set.

Two of my favorite books are Power of a Praying Wife, and Power of a Praying Parent. When my life is very hectic, or I am emotionally in a place where prayer is a struggle, I love these two books because they help me to pray Scripture-filled prayers for my husband and kids. I believe the Holy Spirit can use things like this to help those of us who don’t have it all together. I also write down the names of people I want or need to pray for. Yes, I use lists in prayer! I am Queen of the Lists! Spontaneous prayer is a part of my life as well, of course.

So tell me:  What tricks do you use to keep things around the house from spiraling out of control? How do you ensure that your prayer life isn’t shelved when life gets too busy?

Meanwhile, On The Homefront…

A quick updates on the happenings around the house:

• That good night’s sleep I got last Thursday has thoroughly spoiled me, so I am contemplating steps I can take to make a good night’s sleep the rule and not the occasional exception.  Relegating sleep to the weekends while I drag myself through the weekdays, the time when I need to be most energetic, is not a good plan, nor is it good stewardship of my health.  While thinking about it,  I remembered that a friend of mine in the neighborhood whose family, like mine,  is stretched across a large age range said something once that I may try. She said that her older son, a teenager, was  out of the living room after 9 PM, when the little ones were tucked away and in bed. That way she and her husband could unwind without interruption. He didn’t have to go to sleep, of course, unless he happened to be sleepy, but he could play his guitar, read a book, listen to music, or whatever suited his fancy. Unless it was a matter of importance, Mom and Dad were not to be disturbed. This, she said, gave her a much-needed breather and she could turn in at 10:00 or 10:30 content that everyone’s relational needs had been met. This resonated with me because meeting relational needs is what keeps me up. My teenagers sit next to me until they go to their rooms at 10:00, and then I’m up chatting  with my husband some more until 11:00. That only leaves me with about 6 hours to sleep, assuming I can fall right to sleep,which is rarely the case. I’d love some suggestions on what you all do to make sure you get enough sleep to wake up refreshed and energetic to start the day. Mothers of infants are excused from this part of the conversation .
• I have a confession to make. As excited as I am about the prospects of homeschooling my two young ones, I approach the task with a trepidation that matches my level of excitement. Specifically, I have grave reservations about my ability to provide my children with the education that they deserve. As a result, I read a book about the importance of education and/or the myriad problems with America’s educational system at least twice a year, to remind me why we’re doing what we’ve chosen to do. Of course, when my kid comes home and reports that her teacher said cheating is acceptable so long as you don’t get caught because the end justifies the means, it is just the slap between the eyes that I need when my resolve gets weak. Right now, I’m reading Inside American Education by the wonderfully insightful Thomas Sowell. It’s proving to be just the shot in the arm I need. Speaking of homeschooling…
• I have been closely  following Brenda’s experience with the Five in a Row curriculum. The same company produces a preschool curriculum called Before Five in a Row. It isn’t nearly as detailed as the Five in a Row brand since it’s for preschoolers, but for someone like me, who has spent so much time doing research that I’ve spun my brain into knots, it seems like a good fit. I ordered it last week and look forward to receiving it very shortly. It’s literature based, and I have already confirmed that my local library has all the titles on the list save one. I am very excited about this. I’ll post an update once we get underway.
• See that head of lettuce right there? Yes, that one. Well I grew that,and 5 more just like it!! Those who know me in real life know that I am a notoriously brown-thumbed gardener and this is a big accomplishment for me. Last year, I planted lots of seeds and only got a return on the cherry tomatoes, basil,and parsley. I was tempted to throw in the towel and just be thankful that there’s a grocery store with good produce around the corner from my house. But I really want to do this so I’m not giving up the fight. Through much trial and error I’m sure, I will be a good gardener. I think my husband was surprised that I faced the spring ready to have another go at it. I think this is important, not only for our health and budget, but for our kids. I was sharing with my kids that the first job God ever gave man was to tend a garden. Despite the fallen world in which we live, there is something divine about being able to be a part of the cycle of seed time and harvest that God said would remain as long as the earth remains. Any gardening secrets, particularly for gardening in a small area, would be  greatly appreciated.

This week’s menu is as follows:

• Meatless Monday -  Tamale Lentil Casserole with Cornbread Topping
• Tuesday- Turkey Burgers on Diane’s Lazy Burger Buns, and Baked Onion Rings Coated with Panko Crumbs
• Wednesday- Chicken and Rice Casserole w/steamed Broccoli
• Thursday (also meatless)- Black Bean Quesadillas, Homemade Tortilla Chips with Pineapple Salsa, Garden Salad
• Friday- Corn Flake Coated Chicken Breasts (great substitute for crispy deep fried chicken), mashed potatoes, steamed green beans.

Happy Monday all!

You Are What You Eat?

I’ve been thinking a lot more lately about the food I serve my family. For the past few years I’ve been making a conscious effort to cook from scratch as much as possible. Many days it feels like an inconvenience. It is much easier to pick up a can of cream of mushroom soup from the market than it is to make the equivalent  myself with ingredients from my cupboard. I am not, by nature, one drawn to the idea of kneading dough, soaking beans, or dicing onions when there is a much simpler alternative beckoning me as I stroll down the aisles of the local supermarket.

My initial foray into wholesome, from-scratch cooking was not at all about the food being more wholesome this way. I just needed to shave  a bit of the total off my weekly grocery bill.  We pay a premium for the convenience that convenience foods provide, and I didn’t think I should be paying a fee for a “service” that I could provide myself. It just seemed like poor stewardship to me. It wasn’t until very recently that I began looking at the advantages of shunning boxed, jarred, ready-made meals from a health standpoint. I have begun to do just that, but in many cases, old habits die hard, and it isn’t always easy to get the entire family on board with a new and healthier way of eating.

In recent weeks, however, I have run across a few resources that have given me the shot in the arm I need to think about the real dangers associated with eating “food” filled with additives, sugar, and artery clogging fats inserted to increase shelf-life and provide that taste that keeps us coming back for more.

After reading several positive online reviews of the book Nourishing Traditions, I ordered the book for myself. I’ve received quite an education about the real process of getting most of our foods to the supermarket.  One thing in particular resonated with me: the author’s assertion that most of what is accepted as a more healthy diet is easily disproved by a close examination of the very reports used to develop such things as the USDA food pyramid  and guidelines by the American Dietetic Association. Like just about everything else in today’s America, she asserts that the standard being promoted is politically correct, heavily favoring nutrients that are grain based, and demonizing most  animal based proteins, despite the many recorded health benefits they provide. Still, I was more interested in healthy cooking more than I was the ins and outs of how dietary standards are applied. Thankfully the book was also full of good, nutritious recipes that I look forward to trying out after I make my first shopping run since getting the book.

A documentary that my husband and I watched last weekend that prompted me, for the first time, to roam the supermarket aisles with a much more skeptical eye. The film was  Food, Inc., and it is an exposé of the journey our food takes as it goes from the farm (or factory) to the supermarket, and ultimately to the kitchen. There was some liberal corporate bashing, but its overall thesis was sound. The food most of us trust to be safe to eat is in most cases, pretty suspect. The remedy? Eating local or organic as much as possible. The thing I found most intriguing was the massive amount of antibiotics administered to commercial beef and chicken to compensate for the fact that they are fed an unnatural diet (mostly corn) and  bred and raised in  unnatural, unsanitary conditions.

My last attention grabber occurred  just a week ago as Tracey, at In Word Adorning, was noting that the most nutritious, life-filled foods are the ones with the darkest, richest colors. These are the vegetables and fruits that our Heavenly Father lovingly provided to give us natural vitality and strength. Her observation was that all too often our plates are filled to overflowing with colors from a very narrow range; from cream to beige or brown. Our diets are too often dominated by grains, potatoes, bread, or fried food, to the exclusion of nature’s power packed foods for optimal health. She is right. We don’t eat nearly enough fruits and vegetables in this house, either.

All this talk about food and nutrition has a purpose. For far too long, I was one of those people who subscribed to the notion that as long as I received whatever is before me with thanksgiving, I needn’t worry about what I put in my mouth.  But this perspective is just another manifestation of  the irresponsible living that permeates much of our culture. So we’re turning over a new nutritional leaf in this house. This time, however, the goal is much loftier than superficial outward beauty. The goal is to be strong, capable, and fit for the Master’s use. I’m also joining up with one of my longtime readers, Krystal, a fitness coach who’ll coach  and encourage me as I tackle once and for all the goal of getting and staying fit.

There is an area where I would appreciate some reader input. Those of you who eat mainly organic vegetables and quality bred meats know how expensive it can be. To feed a family the size of ours exclusively organic is not a realistic possibility. I would like to begin to incorporate a few foods grown without genetic modification or harmful pesticides,  but I don’t view it as a necessity. I believe that when I have done my best to feed my family well,  trusting God with our health and well being is the proper position to take. After all, our very lives are in His hands and I can’t insure longevity simply by doing the right things in the kitchen. I do, however, feel a responsibility to do my best. So here’s the question:

Can you give me some pointers on how to balance eating well with maintaining a reasonable food budget? All suggestions are welcome!

Picture Credit

Book Review: Redefining Beautiful

God loves you just the way you are. If you think His love for you would be stronger if your faith were stronger, you are wrong. If you think His love for you would be deeper if your thoughts were deeper, wrong again. Don’t confuse God’s love with the love you get from people. Love from people often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God’s love. He loves you right where you are.~From Redefining Beautiful

This was probably my favorite paragraph from the book Redefining Beautiful, by Jenna Lucado, with contributing thoughts from her father, pastor and best-selling author Max Lucado. It was the central message of the book, and one that is needed more and more as young women grapple with the contradictory messages and pressures pulling them in different directions as they approach young adulthood.

When I first received this book to review and began reading it, I was put off. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I am what I like to call a book snob, and the simplicity and conversational style of the writing left me feeling as if I wasn’t being challenged enough. So I put it aside temporarily, and my teenage daughter picked it up. She read through it in 2 days after school, and really enjoyed most of it.

After hearing my daughter’s thoughts on the book, I picked it up again and I began to see what was so endearing about it. It was written for the average high school aged girl. The theology is sound and the author does a wonderful job of encouraging young girls to cultivate beauty from within, not allowing their confidence to be shaken by the superficial standards of beauty presented by the media, and most importantly, to realize that in God’s eyes, they are more beautiful than they know.

She tackles the issue of modesty, urging girls to clothe themselves in a way that pleases God and allows their true beauty to shine, but does so without hard and fast rules for what is the “right” or “wrong” clothing to wear. She simply reminds of the importance of covering what is supposed to be covered and not treating their bodies as a feast for the eyes of any and every person. She encouraged them to express their personal style in a God-honoring way. For me, that is the most important issue when considering modesty. I liked her approach.

She didn’t discourage dating as much as I would have liked, since I believe that casual dating is detrimental emotionally, spiritually, and possibly in a future marriage. Still I appreciated the way she laid out the details of her own engagement, expressly pointing out that her fiancee pursued her, rather than the other way around. Given the increasing belief that women can and should do whatever men do, I found her story uplifting in that regard. She chronicled the respect he paid to her parents, her father in particular, and how he asked his permission to date her before allowing his interest to go further than friendship. She painted a beautiful picture of a relationship that evolved in a godly way, and implored young women not to settle for or believe what the culture says relationships should be, and to wait for God’s choice for them.

There was a good chapter on friendships, and defining friendships through the lens of Scripture. She discourages trendy, superficial friendships based on popularity and treating people like accessories to climb the social ladder. As a mother of three teenage girls in school, I saw the wisdom and appreciated her insight. Gossip, backbiting, and slander, can be devastating and are things to avoid like the plague. Another great message in a world where reality shows based on deception and cunning boast millions of viewers.

Overall, this was a good book for a young girl struggling to find her security and confidence in a complex world. It is full of scripture, and throughout Ms. Lucado reminds young girls that true peace, contentment, and security can only be found in a relationship with God as secured through the sacrifice of His Son for our sins. She encourages girls to cultivate a life of prayer and Scripture meditation, and tells them to embrace rather than shun the things about themselves that make them unique because they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

This is a book I can easily recommend, not because I agree with every point 100%, but because it does the one thing that matters most: points girls to the One with the answers to the dilemmas they face and it does so in a way that they can relate to without watering down the truth. Good book.

No Profundity Here Today

On my mind…

• The first two chapters of the Joshua Harris book are looking good. We’ll be having our first “book club” meeting today after the littles go down for their nap. It should be good. I really like the way the beginning of the book points out the selfishness inherent in much of the dating culture. It is almost sad how Christians need to be reminded that “what makes me feel good” is NOT a good reason to do anything, especially entangling another person in our selfish webs.
• I’ve been thinking a lot about how we love labels: Patriarchy, fundamentalists, complementarian, etc. When you look at these words purely in terms of what their original meaning was, they are good things. But, as people are wont to do, we have turned father leads into father dictates. We have turned basic starting principles into primitive, unreasonable dogma. And we have turned complementing each other into hierarchy. I’m kind of tired of it, frankly. *Sigh*
• My husband has a real love for all things peanut butter. He asked for a peanut butter pound cake last week and I didn’t think I could pull it off. But I gave it my best shot and it turned out pretty darned good. Peanut butter lovers, unite! Here’s my recipe:

1. 3 cups all purpose flour
2. 2 cups sugar
3. 1 teaspoon salt
4. 1 teaspoon baking powder
5. 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
6. 1 cup buttermilk
7. 1/2 cup butter
8. 3/4 cup peanut butter
9. 2 teaspoons vanilla
10. 4 eggs

Mix dry ingredients first. Add wet ingredients and beat on high speed about two minutes. pour into greased, floured Bundt pan. Melt 1/2 cup peanut butter and beat with powdered sugar to desired consistency for a glaze to pour over cooled cake.

• I know that wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world for a family on a fitness quest to be eating, but we only eat dessert once a week, so we figure it better be good. But just for good measure, dear Amy sent me some wonderful recipes that are much healthier than the white sugar stuff I usually make. I finally went to Whole Foods and got the whole wheat pastry flour required to make most of them so next week’s dessert will at least have some nutritional value. If these desserts taste even half as good as the recipes look, I’ll have to share them with y’all.

Happy Monday!

This Summer’s "Book Club" Selection

Every summer, my four big girls and I read a book together. Usually, with a little foresight we can gather up enough copies through the public library, hash out a reading schedule, and have periodic discussions, about every other day, on what we’ve read. Our entire library system didn’t have enough copies of our book choice for this year, so I had to bite the bullet and buy the extra copies. I think the subject matter of this book is so important that I decided it’s worth the investment. After all, this fall ALL 4 girls will be in high school, a veritable landmine for the unarmed.

This year’s book is I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.

Have you read it? If so, what did you think?