Happy New Year

I think I mentioned last year that I have largely sworn off New Years’ Resolutions. I have found them to be more a stumbling block than a motivation in many cases. If there is something I need to do or change and I take note of it in November, then I believe I have a responsibility to make the changes I should in November. Still, I do have a few goals for myself that I hope to accomplish in 2012 even as I began working toward them in 2011:

~I already had our cable television subscription turned off. I know that’s not a major thing to most of the people who read here but Discovery, Food Network, and DIY have been the inspiration of many projects and delicacies in this house.

~I am taking a few sewing classes at the start of this year. I have been attempting to teach myself to sew for the better part of a year now and rectangular objects have long ceased to satisfy my creative bug.

~It’s no secret around these parts that I have a heart for fathers, who are largely forgotten in Western culture. I have decided this year to plan an all out bash for the men in our family and immediate circle of friends for father’s day. My daughter has already begun the planning process. We want to honor the fathers we love in a way that most men never experience on Father’s day. I’m talking about a party that yes, will take 6 months to plan. That big.

~I need to expand my quest for good health. I was satisfied with having lost the excess weight I’d been carrying for three years after the birth of Sweetie Pie. Now I want to improve my health in ways beyond my dress size. The goal is to be stronger and have more endurance to accomplish the many tasks I have to accomplish.

~SAM and I have set a few financial goals that are going to require a level of discipline and sacrifice that we’ve never undertaken before. But we’re up to the challenge.

~Refining the homeschool schedule. This has been such an uphill battle. Balancing the needs of the older with the younger has never ceased to be a challenge. Some weeks are better than others but I’m learning to just be happy that they’re learning.

~And as always and at all times, I am striving and praying for a heart that is continuously being changed and transformed to something my heavenly Father is pleased with.

The thing about all of this is that I began planning or working on most of it during the last quarter of 2011. I did  that precisely because I knew how easy it would be to put it off until the New Year.  Or maybe because it takes me 15 months to accomplish what most of you can achieve in 12. I can be slow like that.

For those of you who have set some goals for the New Year, I’d love to hear what those are and encourage you in your quest. What are your goals for the New Year?

Oh yes, and may the Lord bless you with a healthy and Prosperous 2012!

Turns Out Being Type A is Hazardous to Your Health

It was an eventful past couple of weeks.  Restorative in many ways as I took a much needed break from my own thoughts to just relax and enjoy some family time.

Ironically, in the middle of my respite, I found that I suffer from hypertension, which is unsettling to say the least. My doctor thought so as well, given that I’m actually in the best shape I’ve been in since before Sweetie Pie was born. Suggested course of action: medication. The doctor was so perplexed by my high blood pressure and low resting pulse that she ordered an EKG. I told her I work out faithfully, but she needed to be sure.

As unsettling as this was for me, it was even more unsettling for my husband. He needs me and all that, you know. It was his insistence that led me to the doctor to begin with. I wasn’t taking it seriously enough.  The interesting thing is that the reason we even have a blood pressure monitor in the house is because he has a history of hypertension in his family. I just checked mine because we have the thing in the house. His pressure is fine. Which brings me to the title of the post.

I am Type A. I don’t relax easily. I resolved years ago not to manage my home like a raving lunatic but that has done nothing to change the fact that I am always in a hurry and am frequently perturbed that I am not getting it all done.In other words, I always feel a bit stressed unless I’m on the couch with a book. I even blog on my feet. Seriously.

Last week, SAM went out of his way to help me relax. He suggested that rather than spend an hour in the mornings trying to clean up after the morning rush before beginning our homeschool, that I just leave it until after dinner when the big girls are home. It’s a waste of effort anyway because I do all that work only to have the house trashed again in the afternoon anyway. So I tried that but I found it even more stressful because every cluttered corner makes me feel inadequate as a homemaker.

We were out doing some holiday shopping and he noted how much faster I walk than he does. “Why are you in such a  hurry?” he asks. But I’m not in a hurry. I just can’t bear to move that slow!

I don’t think he realizes that focusing on relaxing is anything but relaxing.

I also realize that I need to learn to lighten up. Life’s too short to ruin my health over a sink of dirty dishes.

Moderation in All Things

This is a post about food. Sorry if you were looking for something deeper. This is as deep as it gets today.

I’ve been mulling this over since I read Jess’ excellent post about being healthy and  the steps she’s taking to get back into shape since her having her 5th baby. She was so balanced as she acknowledged the valid reasons for being fit against a need to guard against an obsessiveness related to fitness and beauty.

Balance has never been my strong suit. I am moderate in tone, but zealous in whatever I put my hand to do. I am actively guarding against two things in my life at present,  besides my run of the mill sinful nature. The first is not being so consumed with making sure my 5-year-old is a head of the pack that I screw up this homeschool thing. The second is to avoid living an unbalanced life when it comes to my health and beauty regimen. And yes, I care about beauty as well as health. Not because being beautiful is something I covet. I am not and will never be, beautiful in any objective sense of the word anyway.  But I do feel a responsibility to look and feel my best for my husband and family.

To that end, I’d decided to give what is known as the Paleo Diet a try. The closer I stick the plan the easier it has been for me to lose and keep off the weight. After three years of unsuccessful attempts to lose the nearly 40 pounds of weight I put on giving birth to Sweetie Pie, I was excited if not more than a little disappointed that the only thing it cost me was my beloved fresh baked bread.

Bread! I used to be a bread-a-holic, and it got even worse once I learned to bake it. However, if giving it up was the only way to keep my 40-year-old metabolism in check, I figured I had to do that and I began to pore over any and all articles I could find about the dangers of bread and how it makes you fat. You know, to strengthen my resolve.

I am a teetotaler. I think I’ve had one drink in my whole life and I didn’t even like it. I was raised Baptist, too. Drinking even one glass of wine was considered  a bad thing. Several years ago, however, the reality of Jesus’ life caused me to ask myself if my blanket condemnation of believers who enjoy a glass of wine with dinner was warranted. If it was based on anything Scriptural or if it was simply a tradition I was raised with. Keep in mind here that I’m not talking about drunkenness. I’m simply referring to those lovely Christian people who like a nice Cabernet with their rib eye steak and baked potato. If Jesus provided wine for  a wedding, who was I to condemn my brother for drinking a glass of wine?

There’s a point to the above digression and it concerns the bread I was willing to give up to be thin. Bike Bubba recently posted a blurb on this and revived something I’d already been considering with regards to my healthier, bread-free lifestyle. The thought actually occurred to me when I first began my new way of eating but I pushed it aside because, well,  I needed to lose weight, darnit! The thought was this: Jesus broke bread with his disciples. He even referred to Himself as the “bread of life.”

This is something that lingered in the back of my mind whenever I was being dogmatic about my avoidance of bread. But when the rubber meets the road, my budget just couldn’t take a rigid adherence to the Paleo style of eating. Protein ain’t cheap. Bread, on the other hand is not only filling and delicious, you make a scrumptious loaf for pennies on the dollar.  When I factored that in along with that fact that Our Savior not only ate it but fed it to the multitudes on numerous occasions, I couldn’t defend my complete shunning of all breads.

So I have found a middle ground, because the truth of the matter is this. Americans are increasingly obese not because we eat too much bread, but because we eat too much of any and everything (especially sugar, of which white bread is a virtual nutritional equivalent). Oh, except we certainly don’t eat too many vegetables.

So instead of switching from an obsession with low fat, which is also unhealthy, to an obsession with no carbs, I have settled on moderation in all things. I eat bread in smaller amounts with real butter. Just not three times a day. I put real cream in my coffee and enjoy the occasional serving of pasta as well as steak. In short, I have learned to exercise self-control with respect to how much I eat and my body has rewarded me with more energy, satiety, and yes, weight loss.

My weight loss has slowed down a bit since I reintroduced bread, but it hasn’t reversed. I’ve lost 32 of the 40 pounds I was attempting to shed. And the last 10 or so will certainly take longer than I’d hoped to lose but I’m not miserable or deprived.

The moral of this seemingly pointless ramble? If Jesus ate it or drank it, it can’t be all bad.

Monday’s Musings

Happy Memorial Day. Don’t forget to thank a vet!

1.      Curriculum Delirium: That’s the syndrome I was suffering with by Saturday night, but I feel much better equipped moving forward on our homeschool journey than I did when the weekend began. I don’t envision myself attending this homeschool convention every year. It’s too much to take in and I gather the more years of homeschooling you have under your belt, the less you learn at these things. It does a seem an excellent place to go to remind yourself that there are lots of other “strange” families who have chosen to eschew the conventional education route for their children.

My favorite workshop was one on teaching literature to children. This guy was the best speaker I heard over the course of the weekend, bar none. I don’t know that I’ll ever read a children’s book quite the same way again. SAM, who prefers science and math to literature, even enjoyed it.

I mentioned on Friday that I only saw a few very large families. That changed on Saturday. I noticed many more the second day. Still, I saw a lot of families smaller than my own. Many of the mothers I spoke to while looking at different curriculum or standing in line to register were moms of two, three, or four. And a good number started out in public school and were switching course. Didn’t see many denim jumpers or long skirts either, which further illustrates my point. That homeschoolers rarely fit into a neat little box.

Hearing the woman who hosts this site was probably worth the cost of the convention. Lil’ Princess (4) is very bright, but highly distractible. In fact, her temperament has caused a couple of people to insinuate subtly and not so subtly that I need to put her in school to learn to sit-down-and-pay-attention already. Private school is not an option and public school would just bore her even more. She’s already beyond what the average kindergarten class teaches, and would promptly be labeled ADD, ADHD, hyperactive, or whatever else they’ve come up with that I haven’t heard of yet. No thank you. I’m not buying it, and I was thankful to run across someone who has gone where I am headed.

2.     Three Weeks, 12 pounds. No, not me. SAM. When he decided  few weeks ago to get into better shape, the testosterone kicked in and the extra weight fell off. In a snap. I’m still laboring to get off the last 13 pounds that I wanted to shed by the end of June.

To be honest, I haven’t been working all that hard. I’ve done enough not to regain any of the 22 pounds I’ve lost since January, but not enough to lose the rest. In truth, I need to lose 23 more, but I was resigned to be satisfied with simply losing the 35 pounds I gained from Sweetie Pie. He does in 3 weeks what I couldn’t do in 3 months. Who says men and women aren’t different?

3.     Elliptical, Schmiptical:  Piggybacking on the previous thought, my girls and I decided we would start doing this. Given my endurance on the elliptical machine, I thought it would be a piece of cake even for a 39-year-old whose 20 pounds overweight. Boy, was I wrong!

Running 200 yards on pavement is not the same as “running” a mile on a machine. Ditto free weights versus  a weight machine. It occurred to me that what I need is not more time working out, but workouts that are a bit more efficient. Machines that provide much of my momentum are slowing me down. So, a change of methodology is underway. I was doing the P90X program, but I need to get outside more to exercise. So I’m alternating between the weight training DVD’s and the running program every other day. Maybe the change of pace will give me my fitness momentum back, because I still have a way to go. We’ll see.

4.     I tuned in for the last Oprah show:  I’m a sheeple, I guess. I hadn’t watched an episode of her show in a very long time, but memories of when I was a regular viewer (as a teenager and very young wife) caused me to see how she was going to end this “dynasty” she’d built over the past 25 years. It was the most boring, sanctimonious thing I’d ever seen. The first 20 minutes at least, until I decided to shut off the set and try my hand at baking a gluten-free soda bread recipe to serve with dinner.

On second thought, she did say one thing I agreed with before I stopped watching: You are responsible for your life. I remember finding her assertion a bit ironic even though I wholeheartedly agreed. So I guess it wasn’t all bad.

Happy Monday, all! and Happy Memorial Day!

Monday’s Musings (and a Giveaway!)

It’s been a while since I’ve done this but like most Mondays my week is beginning with lots of things I could write about but not enough time to write them. So here goes:

It’s May 23 and I’m still here:

When I saw the billboards around my city saying “The Lord is Coming: May 21, 2011″ I had no idea at first that the person who paid for them was serious; until the news broke that these billboards were popping up all over the country. Apparently I,  and quite a few saints far more righteous than me are not saved at all. We missed the rapture. Judgment Day has found me not up to spiritual snuff. My pastor and friends at church did, too. I’m tempted to mock the  minister who seems to have a reading comprehension problem, but I can’t bring myself to do it.  The issue is too serious in my opinion. Many people believed this and are disillusioned this morning. But just to be on the safe side…if you thought you were in good with Jesus and got “left behind” too, I need to hear from you. You know, just so I know that I’m not the only damned Christian soul still foolish enough to be hanging around the blogosphere when I should be preparing for the Apocalypse. I just mocked him, didn’t I?

Seriously, we should be praying for these people. Their faith is undoubtedly shaken. They spent or gave away everything they owned in preparation for May 21st, thinking it was Judgment Day. My SAM pointed out that we should be living everyday as if it could be the day anyway.  True words.

My culinary adventure continues: This gluten-free living stuff is harder than I thought. Well it really isn’t, but I was initially surprised at how many foods contain gluten. Foods you never suspect, like vanilla extract or dried fruits. While I’ve tried to focus mostly on avoidance of gluten through increasing green vegetables, proteins, and legumes, I couldn’t resist trying my hand at baking a few times. The quick breads have been a rousing success. Sweetie Pie asked for chocolate chip cookies and I found the recipe for Toll House cookies in this book, even with modifications to account for ingredients I didn’t have, to be quite good. Except for the expense of Bob’s Red Mill all-purpose baking mix (and I’m taking steps to start making my own baking mixes), I’m thankful that going gluten-free need not mean going baking-free. I’ve been doing a bit of reading and am frankly shocked that wheat (even whole wheat) isn’t as healthy as we’ve always been told it is. A little research produced a great bit of enlightenment. I need to brush off my copy of Nourishing Traditions pronto.

Strange Bedfellows: This blog is an interesting place, judging from where I get the most traffic. Most people find this blog NOT from seeing me linked on other Christian  blog rolls, but from links on “manosphere”  blog rolls. For my sisters who have absolutely no idea what the manosphere is, it’s a network of blogs primarily centered on topics related to men’s rights, the gender wars, and how feminism has altered the relations between the sexes. Most of the blogs are as far from Christian as you can get, but a few are family friendly. Hawaiian Libertarian sends the most people to this blog. He’s followed closely by Elusive Wapiti. Both of them are on my blog roll.Thanks, guys.

The next group that sends referrals this way (at least over the past couple of weeks) are folks who abhor everything I have to say about, well, everything. But I suspect it’s my views on marriage and family that first got me in the cross hairs. These are the snark forums. You’ll understand if I don’t provide links.

There are a few Christian sites that send significant referrals my way, like Laura at Full of Grace, Seasoned with Salt, Sheila at To Love Honor and Vacuum and Alte at Traditional Catholicism. So thanks, ladies!

It occurred to me recently that I’ve never done a giveaway: When I have books in excellent condition that I’m ready to part with I usually take them to a local used bookstore and trade them for credit towards more books. This time I’m going to give them away to a lucky blog reader! I have three books I want to bless someone with. A Wife After God’s Own Heart, by Elizabeth George. It’s a really great (and balanced!) marriage book for wives.  The second book is Healing Is  A Choice by Steve Arterburn. I read this one as part of a book club a few years ago and it has some good godly guidance for people who are  attempting to move past life-altering hurts. The third book is C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce. I’ll announce a winner on Friday. Comments will be accepted until Thursday at noon. Good luck!

Happy Monday!

“Should You Be Eating That?” Pt. 2: Thoughts From the Rabbit Trails

Wednesday’s post  left me with a lot to think about, as I knew it would. And as usual, it’s the rabbit trails (otherwise known as thread derailment) that make the conversation interesting. Before I move on to other new and exciting subjects, I want to share a little of what occurred to me as I read your comments  because I think there are valuable observations yet to be made about this subject.

My first thought concerns whether or not our husbands concern about our health and fitness should automatically be interpreted as unfair criticism. This strikes me as odd, because wives frequently encourage one another to express their needs and desires to husbands, and to repeat the nag request until they “fall in line.” Surely it’s no coincidence that Proverbs repeatedly mentions the agony of living with a nagging wife.

However, it suddenly becomes “unfair criticism” when a husband expresses a desire for his wife to take better care of herself, particularly if this request means she needs to stop eating so much and hit the gym. His request is assumed to be based on something superficial, not worth making the effort required to honor it. Can you see the problem with this line of thinking? Why are wives’ needs viewed as more virtuous when weighed against the needs of husbands?

 Of course, in keeping with a husband’s responsibility to dwell with his wife in an understanding way, any discussion of this subject in particular, should be encouraging and supportive. That said, I really don’t have a problem with a man who wants his wife to make an attempt to get in shape. There’s nothing cruel or superficial about it.

I was asked another question in the comments section that caught me completely off-guard: Is my husband in the same shape physically that he was when we married? The answer is no, but it’s not something I give a lot of thought to because the physical changes haven’t made him less attractive to me in any way. If the bit of weight he’s gained was a health issue, I’m sure I’d be much more concerned, but he has yearly physical and he’s all good on the health front. I think it is worth noting at this point that men and women approach attractiveness in different ways. Men are much more visual than women are when it comes to sexual attractiveness. It’s an apples to oranges comparison in my opinion.

In general, my goal here was to remind wives that we are supposed to care. We spend so much time nurturing our own needs, feelings, and insecurities we forget that our husbands have needs, too. We are supposed to care about those needs, not be offended by them. We fail to recognize now often we take our husbands for granted, and when they call us on it, we get upset.

I read a book last year titled For Women Only. I highly recommend it because it offers a lot of insight into the way men think. Christian men and non-Christian men. Maybe reading what this author found in her interviews with about  a thousand of (mostly) many married men will drive home the point I’m trying to make however poorly I’m making it. A good review of it can be found at Amy’s.

Several of the commenters made the assertion that many women are sincerely trying to look their best for themselves and their husbands, but it is very hard and criticism does little to help. For the record, I know what that feels like. There were a few times when I was really making an effort and the lack of results caused my enthusiasm to wane. I get that. But more often than not, I was making half-hearted attempts accompanied more by talking about getting fit than actually doing anything to get fit. It’s amazing how easily we can convince ourselves that we’re doing our best when we’re actually doing nothing. Each woman has to decide for herself where she falls on that spectrum. If you’re doing more than talking then doing, don’t get mad at the husband for saying so.

About 6 years ago we went through a time in our marriage when communication was…difficult. Anyone who has been married for a while can attest that this is a reality of married life. There are good days and bad. If you’re fortunate, the good days overtake the bad hundreds of times over. We were having a stretch of bad days, when my husband said something to me that changed my perspective and I have spent the better part of the last 6 years guarding against ever making him feel that way again.

What he said was that I seemed to be far more concerned with what other people thought than what he thought. I went out of my way to do favors for other people when simple requests from him went undone for days. It hurt me to hear that, but it was true. The PTA, the ministry I was involved in at church, family members, you name it. It did seem that every thing and everyone else was a priority.

When I stopped to think about it, that was exactly what I’d done, and it was wrong. I turned on a dime, dropped out of much of what  I was involved in (it was emotionally draining anyway) ,  and alienated a good many female friends many married, who simply couldn’t appreciate that everything and anything moved to the back burner if my man needed something from me, period. To those who didn’t understand I said good riddance.

So yes, I’ m passionate about this because I believe the outright refusal to honor  a perfectly reasonable request from your husband is inexcusable. That’s my take on it. I want to be transparent enough to share the lessons I’ve learned. I don’t think the issue is somehow different or more difficult because it involves something challenging such as losing weight. Be willing to make sacrifices to be the wife your husband desires. You think I always enjoy drinking water when I’d prefer a Coke?

Oh, and if I start gaining weight back, I solemnly swear to confess right here.

Edited to add: I felt a sudden need to add  a link to an old post of mine, Wisdom From a Titus 2 Blogger. This is the only comfort I can offer to my sisters who think I’m attempting to squeeze women into a mold that I can’t even fit into. I’m not.

Also, I added a page to the blog for the benefit of making my intentions clear: The Target.

Y’all enjoy a worshipful, restful, family filled weekend!

“Should You Be Eating That?”

It’s been several years since my husband asked me that question, but I remember what it felt like. It stung, especially on the heels of a pregnancy. But I realized quite a long time ago that if my husband, who has never gone for the anorexic  Hollywood starlet standard of beauty, says that I need to drop some pounds, I need to drop some pounds.

This is a topic I hate to touch because some dear woman inevitably assumes that I’m attempting to force an unrealistic standard of beauty and fitness on women  birthing babies every two or three years. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am simply asserting that a wife should make every effort to get as close as possible to what her husband finds attractive.

Blogs by definition,  are written from the author’s perspective. My goal is to be what my husband finds attractive and encourage other wives based on my experience, on the importance of considering their own husbands’ preferences.  Most men desire a fit and healthy wife. My husband prefers a bit of meat on the bones, but he doesn’t do fat. I have to skip the second slice of cake.

However, there are men who are very attracted to heavier women. If you fit into that category and your husband likes it, then who am I to say you should ignore your husband’s preferences?  Focus on being healthy and attractive to your own husband, while I approach this from the angle I have witnessed most: the wife who struggles with her weight to her husband’s chagrin.

It  bothers me when a wife summarily dismisses her husband’s desire for her to get in shape. I can’t count the number of times over the years I’ve heard statements like these:

“Not everyone is meant to be skinny.”

“He shouldn’t expect me to look the same as I did before giving birth to 3 babies.”     And my personal favorite:

 “If he loves me for who I am, it shouldn’t matter what I look like.”

These  statements are astonishing, and they are almost always aimed at me if I watch how much I eat or beg off the phone because I want to work out. Not only are they illogical, they project wrong motives onto husbands while attempting to absolve wives of any responsibility to make themselves attractive for their men. None of these attitudes are very loving.

Further, I don’t believe most men impose unrealistic expectations on their wives concerning their appearance. I’m sure there are a few but this forum demands that we communicate in generalizations, else we needn’t bother trying to communicate. In general, I believe most men are reasonable in their expectations.

Not everyone is meant to be skinny, but few people are meant to carry 220 pounds either.  The ”love me no matter what I look like” argument dismisses a very natural, God-given component of marriage: sexual attraction and compatibility. Marriage encompasses much more than physical attraction, but pretending that marriage can be fully expressed by its spiritual and emotional components is disingenuous.  Some Christians are so “spiritual” they border on ridiculous.

The issue of the effects of childbearing on our figures is a valid concern. If anyone appreciates what it takes to bring children into the world, the father of the children does and he’s witnessed the toll it’s taken on his wife’s body. The average husband doesn’t expect his 35-year-old wife and mother of three to look like the 22-year-old girl he married. Childbirth is heavy lifting, literally and figuratively.

There comes a point however when the recovery is complete and a new normal has been established. When that time comes, we need to be about getting back into shape as soon as possible. I admit that I haven’t done the best job of this since Sweetie Pie was born in 2008. In fact, I have just begun to make a dent in the 35 pounds I needed to lose after her delivery. The difference is that I never resigned myself (or my husband) to the reality that this is “just the way I look now.” I needed to find the right strategy. I believe I have, and it hasn’t been nearly as hard as I imagined it would be. This really isn’t rocket science.

It has required some changes in the way I eat even though “skinny” isn’t a goal of mine or a requirement of my husband. I have always been tall and curvy (my definition of curvy has nothing to do with dress size). Even with my build there is a point at which I clearly need to get my butt in gear and exercise some self-control. The older I get, the more discipline I need to exhibit. Interestingly enough, this has meant turning away from dieting and a focus on low-fat foods. I simply started eating all of my meals on salad plates. Also, I don’t eat if I’m not experiencing physiological hunger.

I have found it easier to simply control how much I eat rather than focus heavily on what I eat. Since almost every meal we eat is made from scratch the issue has little to do with eating junk and everything to do with not eating too much, and not eating when I wasn’t hungry. My family can sit and enjoy a meal together now without my obsessing over every bite, sucking the enjoyment out of  a good meal. I used to do that, though I’m sure that’s hard to believe, .

What I discovered is that I  eating half a cheeseburger  is much more satisfying than eating an entire turkey breast sandwich on low-fat, whole wheat bread with a side of baked chips. Less fat and calories is less fat and calories, and it’s much easier to stay fit if I get my calories from something that tastes good rather than something that makes me feel like I’m being good. The psychological snowjob always *eventually*  gives way to what tastes good so it’s easier to just eat a little of what tastes good and be done with it, rather than fall completely off the wagon later on.

In other words, no foods are off-limits for the purpose of losing weight. I still eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, I simply allow myself the freedom to enjoy other foods as well, within moderation.

Eating less is a much more effective strategy for me. I’m down 20 pounds since Thanksgiving, all while indulging during the holiday season. Controlling myself is much more purposeful than attempting to control the food in a family where cooking is such an integral part of our lives. I hope that bit of information is helpful to those of you who struggle with  weight. 

Whatever you do, don’t ignore your husband’s needs.

 I now have a new problem. My jeans and slacks are getting too baggy, and some of my skirts look like sacks. Secret Agent Man hates that. I’d love to use this as an excuse to shop, but in this economy there are other priorities. I guess now is as good a time as any to learn how to do something on my sewing machine besides a straight stitch.

Anyone know where I can find a great site offering tutorials on alterations?

This post is a part of Wifey Wednesday, hosted by Sheila at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. Click on over for more Wifely encouragement.

From the Front Lines of My Fitness Journey

If the title of the post makes it sound as if getting fit is a battle for me, it isn’t. Getting fit isn’t the problem. Staying fit is. I reckon my current workout routine might have something to do with my fitness as a battle analogy. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who help me stay motivated, and I have a great coach to help me tweak my plan as I go along. I am posting today because I want to offer hope and encouragement to other ladies who might need it as they work to achieve optimal health and fitness.

Brenda was one of the first people to ever leave me a comment when I started to blog a few years ago. She’s always held a special place among my Internet companions because of that. So when life demanded that she make some changes for the sake of her family’s health and reinstituted Fitness Fridays, I knew that in spite of myself I would make the time to join in.

This week my contribution to the effort will be to share what I have been doing of late and how well it’s working for me. Having pulled out all the stops this summer to take advantage of the extra time and help I have with my wonderful teenaged daughters at home all day during the summer, I made a great deal of progress: sticking to a workout routine, serving healthy meals, and educating myself on exactly how my body works. And by that I don’t mean following the standard party line as stressed by the USDA Food Pyramid. So here’s what I’ve been doing.

• Workouts: I started P90X two weeks ago, and even though my friend tried to warn me what I was getting into, I didn’t listen. The first week I -and my 16-year-old daughter who has been doing the workouts with me- was dreadfully sore. Still we did have a lot of fun. The second week was markedly better, and what’s more, I lost 3 pounds the second week. I know a few of you who read here also do this program, so you will relate to this: I have yet to get through the entire Plyometrics video. Maybe next week. I realize that some people don’t like to workout using videos, preferring the gym or a class instead. You have to find what works for you. Personally, on the off-chance that I am going to make a fool of myself, I’d prefer to do it in the comfort (and privacy) of my own home. Additionally, as I mentioned before, I almost always have a workout partner with either my husband or one of my 3 older girls so it’s like a mini class.
• Nutrition: This is one area where I absolutely needed to find out what would work best for me. I have never been one to appreciate a “one size fits all” approach to things relating to health and nutrition. I’ve had my fill of the yo-yo weight loss and gain merry-go-round.  What works for me in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling deprived is to eat a good breakfast. And by good I don’t mean egg whites and cantaloupe. I mean pancakes or waffles (always whole wheat), with a  protein (scrambled egg or sausage homemade from ground turkey), fruit and a cup of decaf with real cream. When I’ve had a good breakfast, I exercise much more control the rest of the day. Lunch is usually extra light (like a smoothie) and at dinner I load up on veggies, have some meat (on the days we eat meat), and that ends my day on a good note. As a  rule, if dinner is after 6 PM, I skip the starches and breads. Since dinner bread is always homemade around here, I still struggle with that one a bit, but the more I say no to it, the easier it gets. It’s easier of course, to have dinner on the table by 6 and eat the bread, but sometimes my husband’s schedule doesn’t cooperate.
• Education: The book that’s had the most impact on me recently with regards to nutrition is Nourishing Traditions. While I found the recipes in the book hideously cost prohibitive and impractical for a large family that eats very little red meat, I appreciated the balanced approach of its authors. More importantly, I appreciated the way the book explored how dangerous the low-fat craze is for most people and the fact that the major portion of the foods on grocery store shelves, even the “healthy” foods, are far more dangerous than their full fat counterparts. The fact that I have been able to lose pounds and shed inches while using real butter and whole milk lends a bit of credence to the author’s assertion.  I’ve also just began reading another book called Change Your Brain, Change Your Body. This is a very interesting book. My thoughts about what I’ve learned so far from it can be found at the bottom of my Reading Room page. Edited to add: This book does push the low-fat mantra pretty hard. This is certainly one of those “take what you can use and leave the rest type books.

Well, that’s just a short update on my fitness quest. I have finally accepted that living healthy is a lifelong proposition, not just something you do when you need to lose a few pounds.

Click over to Brenda’s blog, The Family Revised, for more health and fitness Friday and encouragement.

Tuesday’s Ponderings

Since Monday has come and gone, it seemed silly to post Monday’s Musings. However, I do have a few musings and updates to share:

~When your women’s Bible study turns to a husband bashing therapy session: In response to a recent post one reader, Kari, asked a  good question. She wanted advice on how to gently encourage women to use more discretion and speak more respectfully of their husbands. What should we do if, as she described, we’re  in a women’s Bible study where one of these husband-bashing sessions breaks out? This is either the easiest place or the hardest place to address this type of thing.

The Scripture says that a wife needs to careful to respect her husband. Making demeaning or unflattering comments about our husbands  would certainly qualify as disrespectful. In a Bible study setting, where presumably every woman present is a believer, a gentle reminder of the Scripture’s admonishment concerning respect for our men should be enough. Sadly, often it isn’t.

While I have never experienced this in  Bible study, I have experienced it in conversation with a small group of women or one-on-one with a friend. Almost without fail, if I offer the Scriptural command to respect or be submissive to our husbands, and the friend in question is a strong believer, my words are usually countered with something along these lines:

“I submit to his authority. I respect him, and treat him kindly, but I do not have to pretend that he’s perfect, because he isn’t. Sometimes I just need to talk about my struggles.”

If you’re not armed, your sympathy button will be pushed and any future attempts to encourage your friend to refrain from speaking ill of her husband will be lost. After all, everyone needs someone to talk to every once and a while, right? Don’t fall for it! Let me give you my almost foolproof counter measure to the sympathy card, and I know it works because it thoroughly changed my life several years ago. Remind your Christian friends of this:

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, All the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)

That usually provides food for thought in the mind of a woman who is serious about honoring God and His word. The reality that she is breaking her husband’s trust by saying something about him in his absence that she wouldn’t say in his presence is usually enough to stop a godly woman in her tracks.

As usual, I need to offer a caveat: I am not suggesting that wives in abusive situation refrain from seeking help. I am also not discouraging wives who sincerely need godly counsel to refrain from seeking it. I would hope we all understand the difference between what I am discussing here and a general habit of whining and complaining about our husbands whenever we feel we have a receptive audience to do so.

~On having a “perfect” marriage: I have been admonished on more than one occasion by readers for painting my marriage as perfect. The implication being that I am not being honest, or if I am, I am in no position to understand or have empathy for women who are struggling in their marriage despite their best efforts. Since the subject was broached again in response to my last post, I want to address it.

First of all, I have never painted my marriage as perfect. I have been very honest about my failings and my struggles as a wife. What I have not done, and will never do (so don’t look for it) is chronicle every slight and sin my husband has ever committed over the course of our marriage. It would violate the Scriptural principle I highlighted above. Further, since my husband is the only husband whose faults I am intimately acquainted with, I fail to see what purpose my doing this would serve.

Lastly, it is true that the past 5 or 6 years of my marriage have been quite lovely. It was almost as if a “grow up” switch kicked on inside the both of us around the 10-year mark and we began to handle our differences and difficulties with much more grace and godliness than we did when we were two young hotheads. It just so happens that I began this blog at a time in my life when I began to experience the beauty of a mature marriage. And I will not apologize for that. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

~This living healthy stuff is hard work!: I finally resolved, once and for all to banish processed foods (for the most part). I still buy canned beans or tomatoes on occasion to speed up a recipe, and we still love a good hot dog once and a while. But as a rule, most every food we eat is made from scratch. Thankfully it’s summer and I have my resident sous chefs available to cut, chop, and shred as needed.

I don’t think I was prepared for the amount of kitchen time required to eat this way, and I can certainly see how and why, in a world where most mothers are working mothers, convenience foods have gained in popularity. Frankly, the idea of eating foods with all kind of unknown ingredients has made me wary of eating most of what you’ll find on the grocery store shelf.

Still, I have my moments of weakness. Or at least I did, until the last few weeks, when we were very busy and I didn’t have as much time to workout as usual, and the scale still went down.  Well, that got my attention. The only thing I was doing differently was eating real food.

It never occurred to me that making a change as simple (ha!) as staying away from pre-packaged cereals, mixes, and breads would make such a difference not only in my energy level, but my weight loss efforts as well.

~Speaking of health and fitness: I have decided to embark on a new workout program, since a co-worker gave his to my husband. It’s called P90X and it looks like a great way to get fit while covering all the important areas of fitness: cardio, strength training, and flexibility. If you’re like me, you probably always forget flexibility training, don’t you? I just started this week, but at the end of the first 30 days (it’s a 90-day program) I’ll give ya’ll an update. I know Karly will appreciate that.

~Think of this blog as a  weekly publication: As I have begun planning for the fall, with the big girls’ schedules and homeschooling the littles, you may have noticed my postings growing sporadic. I don’t see that changing anytime soon, though I think my brain might explode if I don’t continue to write, so I’ll still be here unless the Lord leads otherwise.

At this juncture, I’m planning to post about once a week. Of course, there will be the occasional fly-by posts when I run across something I feel compelled to share. I have a few posts in the works even as I type.

You all enjoy the rest of your week!

Monday’s Musings

Lots of interesting snippets from the past week, as well as some encouraging moments. Here goes:

• Control Freak: In life we have those times when challenges come and bump up against what we say we believe. When the opportunity to walk in faith ceases to be a theoretical feel good Scripture verse with no experience calling us to put our faith where our mouth is. Those times when we have to put up or shut up. I am in one of those seasons of my life. And if may be so blunt, I almost had to shut up. When the initial stress of the test came to bear, I found myself looking for way to wrest control of the situation, to make sure that I, and my family, don’t have to suffer through the changes or, (gasp!) trust God to work in the midst of the test. Thankfully, God has been faithful and gracious to give me (and my husband) peace and convict us of what folly it would be to take matters into our own hands. The test is not over, but I have stopped wrestling and grasping for control. Apparently I have not fully learned to cast my cares upon Him. But learn I must, because they are too big for me to carry alone.
• The End of Men? I have seen several references to this article in different corners of the web over the past week. The idea being asserted is that women will be the dominant gender in the generations ahead. Several pieces of evidence are held up to support this truth, starting with the fact that women, for the first time in history, hold a slim majority in terms of work force numbers. Combine that with our most recent recession (termed by some the “mancession” since men account for 80% of the  millions of  jobs lost), and the decline of marriage, and you have the stage set for a brave new world, one where women will “man up”  to take on the primary breadwinner role, and men will become the keepers of home and hearth. Get ready for the matriarchs. Tines are a changin’. Well personally, I don’t buy it. Even the title of the article “The End of Men”, is foolish because unless male babies stop being born, there will always be men. The only question is what kind of men. And what kind of women for that matter? I made the dreadful mistake of challenging this new societal wisdom on another site by pointing out the biological, God-given imperatives that make things work better when families are structured thusly: God, man, wife, children, and was promptly reprimanded about bringing “theology” into the matter. I don’t think we can leave theology out of it. If our society becomes one where men, natural leaders, are forced to acquiesce to women, there will not be a peaceful transition to a new familial order. What we will have is what I believe are the unavoidable results of matriarchy: civil tension, increased crime, and unrest. What is described here as an increasing problem in the U.K., and is a familiar scene in the American inner city, will simply spill over into the American suburbs.
• On learning to be a wife: Jess has a very inspiring post  up about learning to training ourselves to see our children in the best possible light. To not view them in terms of the things about their personalities that make us crazy, but rather to think on those things that we love about them. It is very good, especially for those is an especially trying season of motherhood. When I read it, it blessed me tremendously as a mother, but it also reminded me of a turning point in the way I learned to be a wife. This exercise that Jess described, that Paul described in Philippians 4:8, completely changed the eyes through which I viewed my husband. In fact, it was so transformative that I can remember exactly when it happened. It was the fall of 2005, and as I was enjoying a moment of woe is me over what was really nothing at all, this Scripture came to me:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.  The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

I haven’t been the same since. It was that day, after more than a decade of marriage, that I learned how to be a  godly wife. Funny thing is that my outward behavior really didn’t require much adjusting. I have always believed in taking good care of my man. But my inner man was different. When I feel tired, or worn out, or just like my husband doesn’t understand me, I have trained myself to think on these things: his smile, his strength, his willingness to put up with me, how hard he works to take care of us, his faith, his stability. When we have those moments of disagreement (and let’s face it, it’s impossible to live with another human being and never have disagreements), they don’t last long because God, through His word, has taught me what it means to love.

This thought training extends, of course, to every relationship we have. Bringing every thought captive is hard work, but it pays huge dividends. Imagine how much better our relationships with our kids, our parents, our in-laws and our friends would be if we trained ourselves to think on their positive attributes rather than harp on the negative. This is a powerful weapon, not just for wives and mothers, but for all believers.

(If I seem to beat the marriage drum a lot, it’s because I’m passionate about it. I think one of the grave mistakes our culture has made is placing the parent-child relationship (as vital as it is) above the marital relationship in terms of importance, thereby making it easier for spouses to throw in the towel, supposedly for the children’ s sake.)

• Now, that’s patience! We love the Discovery channel in our house. My husband turned me on to all the neat stuff they explore many years ago and it’s one of the few networks we watch regularly. Last night, they had a special on in celebration of their 25 years on the air. Part of the special broadcast was behind the scenes stuff, where they show the viewer a bit of what their camera people and researchers have to go through to get those awesome nature shots and animal footage that are such a part of American media that we never even consider how much work goes into them.  At one point they recounted that a camera crew sat on the side of a mountain, in this little tent, every day, for 12 hours a day, hoping to catch footage of the very elusive snow leopard. It took a full six months, but they didn’t give up, and their persistence paid off as they were able to capture some the most rare footage of one of the most beautiful leopards that I have ever seen. I couldn’t help but compare it to my inability to patiently wait upon God, to fight the good fight of faith as I wait for an eternal inheritance. If a man can sit in a precarious mountaintop in a little hut waiting for just a glimpse of a cat, then surely I can wait with faith and patience, doing whatever my Savior requires of me, as I prepare for His return.  Just some food for thought.
• Oh yeah, I lost 2 pounds last week. I’ll keep you posted on my fitness efforts.In fact, I need to set this laptop aside and go workout. Like right now.

Happy Monday all!