Juggling Act

Conventional wisdom, whatever that is, says that women are better at multi-tasking and doing several things at once without missing a beat. Well my brain didn’t get that memo. The more I try to juggle, the less productive I am. I have come to the conclusion that I am not a multi-tasker. I can force myself to walk and chew gum at the same time in a pinch, but as a rule, I need to be focused in one direction or something will suffer.

This is an important issue for me as summer winds down and we settle into our “official” homeschool routine.  I read homeschool blogs and wonder if my need for regimen is going to ruin our homeschool experience. I hope not, because I need structure. I need a plan. Whoever coined the phrase about planning to fail by failing to plan described me perfectly.

I have to get up, grab my list, and get doing accordingly. I always try to make my schedule loose enough that the kids are not stifled by it. I schedule in plenty of time for playing and I try not to be so rigid that a fun and spontaneous change of direction is ignored because I’m a slave to my schedule. In other words, I try to maintain a sense of balance.

The fact of the matter is that without my plan, very little of consequence gets done. We’ll always have our read-aloud time, and the dishes will get washed. The kids will have some outdoor time, and dinner will be cooked. Beyond that, however, I can offer no guarantees.That’s not good enough for me. So I schedule. The first weeks of school are particularly crucial after our highly unstructured summer.

I admit I’m a bit jealous of you ladies who manage to get all done on the force of your will, work ethic, and superior organizational skills. And do it without wanting to pull all your hair out. I salute you.

I wish I could be you, but alas I am me. So at the risk of destroying my children’s chances for a sane and happy life, I am making my schedule and plans for the first quarter of the school year. Because the only way they have a prayer of learning anything is if I have a plan to teach them.

This Was Funny, Until I Thought About It

My daughter heard this song in her friend’s car as they were riding home from an after school event and told me about it. It’s meant to be funny, and I admit I chuckled at first. Then I thought about it, and realized that I’ve encountered Christians who genuinely feel this way toward people who’ve wronged them. I can even remember when my own mindset wasn’t much better. I was restrained enough not to say it out loud, unlike like this song writer. Still, God knows our hearts. Take a listen. The video actually displays the lyrics to the song.

Question: How good are we at (really) loving our enemies and praying for those who spitefully use us? When we do pray, how often do our hearts sound like the lyrics to this song? Do we bless those who curse us as the Scripture admonishes?

This Will Probably Be Irrelevant to Most Homeschoolers

Bright Eyes (16) recently recounted an interesting conversation she had with a friend. Her friend is a fellow high school junior and part-time college student taking a level 1 civics class this semester at the local community college.

She excitedly reported to my daughter everything she’s been learning about the legislative process, the Constitution, and other inner workings of government. While Bright Eyes was pleased that her friend was excited about what she was learning, she didn’t pretend that she was learning anything new.

Bright Eyes continually answered in the affirmative to her friend’s questions, “Did you know this?”  Her friend was surprised because as an honors student, she knew that the two of them had taken virtually identical classes throughout their school careers.  My daughter shared that most of what she knows about American government  she learned from her parents. Apparently, we are an anomaly.

Our kids understand how their government works, and how it was designed to work (two different things!).  Most of their knowledge was gained through general conversation rather any concerted effort on our part. They heard conversations between their Dad and I, asked questions, and learning took place. They occasionally share these insights with their friends. There are honors students in high school who don’t know that the government gets its revenue from tax dollars until my kids tell them. Seriously. That’s some scary stuff when you consider that today’s honor students are tomorrows leaders.

We have increasingly been sharing with our kids the importance of keeping their priorities in order. Reminding them that the lifestyle we live is not typical around the world, and that there are no guarantees that this will continue. There are never any guarantees, but given the current political and economic climate in this country, a large-scale shift may be imminent. We believe that in the case of our 15 and 16-year-olds, an increased awareness of the world around them both good and bad, is advantageous.  The typical carefree  teenage existence lacks the balance required to be thinking, productive citizens. We Americans are notoriously closed off from world events, and most of us will be caught unawares when the trouble reaches our front doors.

I’d like to think we haven’t spoiled our kids. In fact I know we haven’t when compared to most of their peers. Still, given the apparent economic situation we are facing in America, most of us would do well to let our young adult children in on the realties of life. Most of them have no idea how good they have it, even if they live in a fairly frugal household.

A good place to start, after a strong spiritual and Biblical foundation of course, would be a basic understanding of taxes and spending.

Monday’s Musings Are Back!

It’s summertime, and though the living is easy, it is also busier, with all the kids in the house full-time. I’ll be very fortunate to write one post of substance per week. So I figured this to be as good a time as any to bring back an oldie but goodie from days gone by- Monday’s Musings. Without further adieu:

• I have been brainstorming ideas for keeping the girls busy and productive over the next 10 weeks. I already shared our book club selection for the summer. I have also decided to have a “cooking school” for all the girls. My teenagers can cook a little bit, but they are still far behind where they would be if I had more time to work with them. High school is interesting in that it simultaneously manages to be very demanding while not at all challenging. So now that they are home for the summer, it is my intention that they become much more comfortable and accomplished in the kitchen than they have been to date. We also have a few other things planned as well.
• Speaking of cooking: The kids wanted peanut butter cookies recently but we were out of eggs. We’ve never made eggless cookies so I went online looking for a recipe, and found this one. It is quite good. Feeling as though I may be on to something, I decided to look for recipes for eggless oatmeal cookies and eggless chocolate chip cookies. Both of these looked very promising, though I haven’t tried them yet. What a great way for people with egg allergies to still enjoy home-baked cookies.
• Has anyone noticed how any and every business seems to offer a summer camp? Does it bother y’all as much as it bothers me, that people who don’t deal with children at all much during the school year suddenly advertise themselves as safe havens for parents to drop their little ones off for day care (all day!) during the summer? The demand is so great for childcare that just about anyone can make money providing it. I have thoughts about that, but I’ll keep them to myself right now since I’m not feeling particularly controversial.
• I have to admit, this story saddened me greatly. Regardless of how I feel about Al Gore and his politics, the demise of a 40-year marriage is jaw dropping. When I first heard the news, I thought it was a lie or tabloid rumor. There was no way that these people, after 40 years, could be throwing in the towel. But it appears that these things can happen to any marriage. Very, very sad news.
• Somehow, via a random click, I stumbled into what I guess I’ll call the Afrocentric blogosphere. It has been a fascinating foray. I have run across all kinds of posts written by all kinds of people, from a young black woman who has somehow bought  into the notion that blacks are genetically inferior to other races (she considers herself a rare exception), to religious blogs written from a black perspective, to a blog written by a very intelligent brother who sees feminism for what it is (which is good), while stopping short of believing in traditional family structure as a part of the cure (which is not so good). I’ll say here what I said there: I am much more comfortable in the realm of the Christian mommy blogs. However, it has been quite interesting!
• When I altered my blog name and template, I mentioned my new focus: learning. I have made it my goal to pay attention and learn the lessons every day. Lessons about God and His word, myself, marriage, motherhood, or even random bits of this and that. There is always things to learn and opportunities to grow for those of us willing to slow down and pay attention. So far, it’s been great. Challenging in ways that I hope to share and other ways I dare not, but challenging nonetheless.
• I am currently praying for a deeper understanding of the lessons I need to learn from this passage in 2 Peter:  But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge,  to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness,  to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.  For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
  Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;  for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1: 5-11.

 I like this idea, of bringing back the Monday Musings posts. I hope you all agree!

Happy Monday all!

On the Education Front…

As I announced recently, we are all about learning the lessons at Breathing Grace. To that end, I thought I’d take a moment to offer an education update. There is a flurry of activity around here.

My older children, as many of you may remember, are enrolled in school. They are eagerly anticipating the start of summer. So am I, for that matter. The older they get, the more school work and activity seems to interfere with the affairs of family life. As high schoolers, they are usually inundated with so much homework, that I have decided against requiring anything of them that is academically demanding over the summer. They need a break.

However, we began a tradition a few years ago. We have a summer book club. We choose a book, buy several copies, and then read and discuss the book. Last year’s book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, was very well received by the girls and they have really taken the author’s message to heart. In fact, they have loaned several copies to various Christian school mates who have also taken the message to heart, thankful for an alternative to the high school dating scene.

This year’s book has been chosen. I made an executive decision and chose a book I thought would be good for them without their input. I’m sure they’ll enjoy it anyway. The book is called Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations, by Alex and Brett Harris. It comes highly recommended by a good friend and I am looking forward to it.

Also on the school front, one of my kids was miffed when her teacher made a derogatory comment about the Bible. Thankfully, she shared the class with another good Christian friend and had someone with which to share her righteous indignation. We talked about the teacher’s comments later and I gave her some food for thought should the subject arise again. I told her to ask her teacher this question:

Suppose all this God, Jesus, and Bible stuff turns out to have been  one big hoax. That I have spent my life believing a lie. Just suppose it for a minute. At the end of our  lives,  who will have the most opportunity to harbor regret? Me, having strived to love others more than myself, to live a pure life, an honest life, a life of giving and a life of honor, or the person who lived a life unto his or herself, never preferring others, running rough shod over anyone who gets in the way of what they want or thought they wanted at any given moment? Who will leave the greater legacy, the person who has attempted to walk the narrow path, or the one who went with the flow of the culture, burning bridges and leaving pain in his or her wake?  

I wonder what he’ll answer to that? I am thankful that this season is coming to a rapid end. Now, on to the homeschool front. Advice and opinions are very welcomed since as y’all know, I’m a homeschool novice.

My Lil’ Princess will be 4 this summer. I have gone back and forth over whether she will be too young to begin any kind of formal homeschooling. At the moment, both she and my 2-year-old are enjoying Before Five In A Row. You’d be surprised at the number of spinoffs they came up with after reading Blueberries For Sal this week! And the fact that we found little tin pails at Target for 0.25 made it all the more fun. They were very excited to have pails just like Sal’s!

We will definitely continue Before FIAR through the summer. My quandary concerns what to do as the fall begins since I know that now is the time to place orders in preparation for the fall. This is where you all come in. I will share with you what I am considering, and you will share with me your experiences with any of the materials I am considering.

After spending a fair amount of time reading The Well Trained Mind, I am contemplating ordering two items to introduce along with our current, lightweight, and very fun Before FIAR activities.

The first is The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Teaching Reading. Since Lil’ Princess can identify all of her letters and their sounds, and is constantly asking me to read or help her read words any and every where she sees them, I am starting to think that maybe 4-years-old isn’t too young to begin teaching reading. After all, if it proves too much for her, I can always put it aside and revisit it later.

The second is the primer version of Math-U-See, with manipulatives, of course. Math is one of those topics I feel the need to jump in to early. I am one of those math phobic parents. I can do math, but it took me a bit of effort to become comfortable with it, so I want to do a good job of teaching it. For me, that means starting early.

For my personal learning and edification, I am having to break away from my theological research and spend some time meditating on 2 Peter, chapter 1. I ran into references to that passage at least three times in a two-day period last week and as I began to read it on my own, I felt a compelling need to prayerfully dig deeper and ask the Lord to help me see the areas I need to work on and the lessons I need to learn. Not to worry, though. I will get back to my Scriptural study on the basis of reformed theology.

Additionally, I hope to read C.S. Lewis’  The Great Divorce this summer. After reading Cindy’s two posts examining the ending of the show LOST (here and here), which I watched as well, recognizing several of the spiritual undertones and questions, it seems like a good book to read. Her tying of the show to the book  made it intriguing to me. Besides that, I like C.S. Lewis’ writings.

I’d love for you to share what you’re learning and teaching at your house!

Growing Up

I ran across some information a while ago that as a mom I found rather unsettling. If you’re familiar with the story of Peter Pan you know that he lived in Neverland, a magical place where childhood never ends. It seems that Neverland is no longer the stuff of fantasy. The medical and scientific community have concluded in recent years that adolescence-the final stage of childhood-ends at or around age 25. Yes, I said that 25 year olds are now considered adolescents. This is disturbing to me on a number of levels.

Given the progress and advancements of the last century it would stand to reason that this generation of young people would be better equipped to handle life and the responsibility of adulthood, not less. It’s obvious that somewhere along the way we took a wrong turn. The worst part is that rather than admit that our culture is failing to do an adequate job of raising our kids, we’ve deluded ourselves into believing that this current generation of adult kids remains so because of genetics.

60 years ago, when my grandmother-in-law married at the age of 17, she knew how to manage a household, handling far more than the average housewife of 2007. She had been taught by her mother how to cook, clean, sew, bake, garden and be an all around effective wife and mother. Her young husband had the knowledge and skill to build the home where they would raise their 10 children-with his own hands. I challenge you to find a twenty year old today who can balance a checkbook, let alone build a house and manage a household. There are exceptions I’m sure, but by and large we have a generation of young people who, like Peter Pan, simply refuse to grow up, and their parents are willing accomplices in this folly.

We have a populace that is more educated in terms of theory and technology, but without the practical skills required to manage the day to day affairs of life. We have a society of young people who go through life playing pretend versions of real life without actually living it.

With three children on the cusp of adulthood, this is an issue I’ve pondered quite a bit.

As a parent, I feel it is my duty to raise children who are able to accept responsibility, serve their fellow man, and view commitment as something to be embraced rather than feared and avoided. And while I am thankful for the progress and advancements of this generation, I think there is much we can learn from those who have gone before us. Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. After all, truth and values are timeless.

Teaching My Kids How to Cook

Teaching my girls how to bake has been fairly easy. Because baking requires precise measurements, in most cases, if you follow the recipe and watch your baking times, your dessert will come out just right. So my girls can bake a batch of cookies pretty well. Brownies and cakes aren’t hard to bake either. We haven’t tackled pie crusts yet because, well, I’m still in the process of mastering that my self. Cooking however, has been more of a challenge because the dishes that I have perfected over the years have been as a result of trial and error. I use cook books and recipes occasionally when trying something new, but the meals my family loves best are the ones for which I follow no formal recipe.

I realize that the easiest way to teach them how to cook things like baked macaroni and cheese, for instance, is to simply bring them into the kitchen with me, letting them watch me cook, help me out, and guiding them through the process. We do that sometimes. It’s just that most times I don’t really know why I add a certain amount of salt or how I know the right amount of basil to put in my meatballs- I just do. It’s hard sometimes to explain what you’ve learned simply from doing something over and over until you got it just right.

So I’m making them a cook book. When I make certain dishes, I’m writing down, in my own words, what I’m putting in, how much, and if possible, why. That way when they begin to make, say, black bean soup, they can adjust it match the flavor that works for them. I actually started this a few weeks ago and I’m finding that this way harder than I thought it would be. How on earth do chefs write dozens of cook books in their lifetimes?! My original timetable was one month to put together 12 recipes to start with. It’s going to take a little longer than I thought it would.

That’s okay, though because I am determined to finish this project because I want my girls to be able to cook healthy, delicious meals for their families one day. The best way to do that is cooking from scratch. And if they can do that before they get married, their husbands won’t have to suffer like mine did while I was teaching my self how to cook!

Nope, I Haven’t Arrived!

Despite my most valiant efforts to be a great mom, parenting adolescent girls sometimes tests my capacity to respond in a mature, godly manner in every situation. I sometimes think: I have really good kids. I can only imagine what it’s like for parents whose kids are a real challenge.

This morning, I made a simple and polite request of my daughter. She didn’t feel like doing it and felt free enough to tell me so. (Is that even okay?) My not so mature response was: “If I went with my feelings every time you asked me to do something, you wouldn’t get much out of me!” I know that it was the wrong answer. Not only was it not true, because I love taking care of my kids, but it sent the message that I don’t enjoy taking care of hem. How awful!

Yes, I apologized and I’m pretty sure that my daughter knows it was a knee jerk reaction to her flippant attitude, said to make a point. It’s just that I never pictured myself as the kind of mom who would behave that way. And the worst part is that since my girls entered their adolescent years (I’m trying to avoid the word “teen”), I am finding that I’m tempted more and more to say the wrong thing. Most of the time, I’m aware enough to think before I speak.

My biggest concern is for those days when my patience is short, my schedule is full and my body is tired. Those moments when it’s hard to take the time to think (and pray!) before I respond. Thankfully, they don’t happen every day, but they happen enough for me to be concerned that I am really blowing it. Andrea, who is also parenting an adolescent, wrote recently about the importance of continuing to express love to our kids- particularly when they are behaving in a less than lovable way. I didn’t do that this morning.

I must face the fact that no matter how hard I try, I am irreparably human, as prone to making mistakes as the next person. The challenge now is to get past the condemnation and move on to the next thing. What’s past is past and I know that when my daughter gets home she will have forgotten this morning’s spat and come in with a new list of favors to ask of me. I’ll fulfill the reasonable requests, and shun the ones that she knew I would before she even asked. Life will go on as normal. It is on days like these that I am particularly grateful for the grace of My Father to help me along on this journey of motherhood.

Our Evolving Educational Evolution

I am a product of the public school system, as was my husband and both our parents. When we had children there was never a discussion of education options. We discussed many things, but never that. When the oldest turned five, we enrolled her in kindergarten. The next year, we enrolled our twins. Overall, we were happy with the education our children received.

When we could finally afford to buy our first home, we moved to a school that was as close to perfect as you could get in a public school. The school was grades k-5 with a total enrollment of about 400 students, which is unheard of in our populous state. The principal was a mature, Christian woman who took great pains to involve parents in the education of their children.

If that wasn’t enough, in our neighborhood is a lovely, God-filled group of women who also have children attending area schools. They meet once a week to pray for their kids, the school, and any specific issues the school may be facing. It wasn’t unusual for the principal to send a prayer request to the meeting. One of these ladies, upon learning that I was follower of Jesus Christ, invited me to take part.

After a couple of years, our wonderful principal retired, and a new subdivision sprang up on the south end of town. Our school enrollment almost doubled and the new principal wasn’t nearly as receptive to parent input as his predecessor. My history of being an involved parent did garner me some influence with the new administration. Add to that the continued fervent prayer of our prayer group and our kids continued to fare well.

Enter middle school. For the first time, I had real concerns about the quality of my kids’ education. Just as with elementary school, I was involved and made a point of developing relationships with the staff and my kids’ teachers at the school. That and the prayers of our prayer group make a huge difference. Last year we got a great new principal who has done wonders at the school. An answer to prayer, I’m convinced. Still, for the first time I began to wonder if there wasn’t a better alternative to public school for our kids.

One option was private school, but it isn’t in the budget. I briefly considered home school but since I was totally unfamiliar with it, and the only other mom I knew doing it was a former teacher, I felt totally unqualified. At the end of the school year, my kids were still doing well. Still, I wondered if public school was our only option. It was my curiosity about these matters that were my initial introduction to the blog world. It was fascinating to encounter such a large number of moms with various takes on education-from home school, to private school, to those who simply felt called to the public school system.

This past summer my hubs and I spent a fair amount of time exploring home school as a real alternative. After much prayer, private discussions, and family talks, following my husband’s leadership, we decided to leave the girls at their school. They only have a few of years of school left and they really are doing well. Because most of their friends are the children of parents in our prayer group, we feel comfortable with their friendships and their overall development.

One thing did change, however. Now that we have a second “generation” of kids being born to us later in our marriage, we will more than likely home school the younger ones. Another change is that we have become even more invested in staying informed about decisions being made at our schools. I have found that school board members really can be influenced when threatened with the potential loss of a vote.

I know that many of you who read this blog are home school moms. However, if you own a home, your property tax dollars fund the schools in the neighborhood where you live. So every now and then, check your county’s website and see what your school board is up to. It only takes a minute to send an email. Even though your child may not be directly affected today, most of today’s kids (tomorrow’s leaders) are being educated in these schools. And we all have to live in this world together with the result they produce.

The Only Thing That Matters

My daughters have reached an age where it is common for young girls to start to compare themselves with one another. As parents we try and make them understand that their uniqueness is a gift from their Creator, something to be embraced rather than shunned in return for blending in with the rest of the crowd. Why is it so hard for us to be at ease with who we are and what God intended for us to be? This seeems particularly prevalent among girls, and even women. There seems to be a perpetual competition and comparison going on: Am I thin enough, smart enough, or as accomplished as my peers? Sometimes as I read other blogs I’ve even found myself thinking: she’s a better cook or homemaker than I’ll ever be. Thankfully, I’ve matured enough to recognize such thinking for what it is: utter foolishness. Even if it’s true, my husband and kids are happy, and I think they’ll survive eating store-bought bread. I always buy whole wheat!

I’m relatively new to the blog world and I must admit it has been an interesting and enlightening experience. To see the diversity of views has been fascinating to me because as I’m sure most of you would agree, in our day to day lives we associate most with those whose ideas mirror our own. For instance, I had no idea that there were large numbers of women who practice the “lost arts” of sewing their own clothes, growing all of their own food, and baking all of their bread from scratch. I think I have been most intrigued by the large number of homeschoolers. I have really grown interested in that for my own family.

However, I’ve also been somewhat surprised by the occasional absence of mercy I’ve seen on some Christian blogs. The idea that there’s only one way to live a life that’s glorifying to God. Don’t misunderstand: I have strong convictions about adherence to scripture on those issues clearly addressed in scripture. I’m not shy about expressing those convictions, either. Anyone whose read this blog can attest to that. It’s just that I think some of us have a hard time grasping the fact that we are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made and that in life, one size doesn’t fit all.

Which brings me to my original point: no one can be a better you than you. As my girls enter into the hyper-emotional teen years when fitting in seems to be all that matters, it’s important for me to remind them that it’s okay to go against the grain as long as God’s standards are met. I tell my girls that life is about integrity and obedience to God’s word. I teach them that we are not to be conformed to this world-not to allow the world to squeeze them into its mold. That’s much easier said than done, I know. I also know that when we surrender to the divine purpose that God has given us and fix our gaze upon Him, we gain confidence-not in ourselves, but in the life of God within us.

If I could have one wish for my daughters, it wouldn’t be material success or emotional happiness, though I certainly pray that they have a life filled with joy. My most heartfelt prayer for them is this: that they would know Christ and the power of His resurrection. All of the other stuff is just that: stuff. In a world obsessed with things that don’t matter, I want to continually point them to the only One who does.