False Equivalencies

We’ve had variations of this conversation before, and I’m sure we’ll have it again. This conversation being that not all choices and lifestyles are equal; the fact that our inability to achieve the ideal doesn’t make it any less ideal. This used to be common sense, which isn’t so common anymore.

This year’s presidential race recently detoured over into the mommy wars when a Democratic strategist accused Ann Romney of never having worked a day in her life, since she was a stay-at-home wife and mother of the five children she shares with Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. While I found the discussion entertaining, from where I sit there was nothing new to see there and I largely tuned it out.

That is, I tuned it out until the Old-Fashioned Housewife tipped me off to this video where some liberal talking heads decided to look at the story from another angle:

Now, my interest was piqued, precisely because Chris Hayes and company looked at the topic from another angle. Unfortunately, they also made all roads and choices leading to and related to motherhood equal. They engaged in double speak, and as much as it pains me to say it, they caught the Romney campaign in the middle of the exact same type of doublespeak.

Women like me, full time wives and mothers were rightly put off when the democratic strategist downplayed the role of women who dedicate their lives to raising our families when she said that it wasn’t work. There was nothing new about that, as I’ve gotten used to it over the years.

Unfortunately,  Governor Romney insinuated the same thing in his speech declaring that single mothers on the dole need to go get jobs so that they can experience the dignity of work. In this he erred greatly. The primary reason that people on the dole need to get jobs is not to experience the dignity of work. It’s to free the rest of us from having to pay our living expenses and theirs too, when they are perfectly capable of going to work to do so.

Whether or not they feel any dignity as a result is to me, a secondary consideration if it is to be considered at all. I would never say that a woman at home taking care of children isn’t doing something of value, regardless of how she is being provided for. That’s not the point. The point is that not all motherhood is equal in origin and quality.

A married mother whose husband is supporting her and their children is not necessarily a better person than the single mother on the dole, but her choice to stay at home isn’t being bankrolled by the taxpayers, and it costs you and I nothing. The same cannot be said of the never married mother who depends on you and I for her daily subsistence. A widowed mother isn’t the same as a divorced mother who left her husband to find herself, and that mother isn’t the same as the faithful wife whose husband decided one day to move on the greener pastures.

The reason conservatives get into trouble is because they allow the opposition to frame the debate. Liberals will never admit that there are varying degrees of anything, or that one lifestyle choice is better than another. Debating them on those grounds is fruitless and will always lead to faux pas such as the one Romney committed.

I know women who are single parents, who work hard and do the best they can to provide for their children and be a positive influence despite the bad decisions they made that gave their children a rocky start, to put it mildly.But there is a clear and objective truth here, supported by decades of observation and research. Conservative politicians need not dance around it to try and grab votes they haven’t a snowball’s chance of getting anyway.

When you make the decision to have sex with unsuitable men (translation: any man not your husband), and bear children, you set into motion a chain of events that will make life very hard. It will be hard for you, and it will be hard for your children. It will require that you relinquish them to a third-party caregiver far sooner than you would like because you have to work to feed  and clothe them. They will lack the stability and discipline of their father, and much of the nurture and guidance of their mother.

I recognize that there are children born to intact families whose mothers still have to go to work, but most don’t do it to feel dignity. I know I didn’t. They do it because they feel they must. If they have to do it, why should a person who made the irresponsible choice be coaxed into doing the same with false promises of feelings of accomplishment?

Your self-worth is not increased one iota by handing your baby over to someone else to care for her. That’s a lie.  You have to do it because your kids have gotta eat. And let’s stop pretending that all choices are equally valid. Maybe if we told people the truth more often, they’d make better choices in the first place.

The All-Encompassing Task of Motherhood

In the words of G.K. Chesterton:

…when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean. When domesticity, for instance, is called drudgery, all the difficulty arises from a double meaning in the word. If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge at the Cathedral of Amiens or drudge behind a gun at Trafalgar. But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean.

To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets cakes. and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.

From The Emancipation of Domesticity

A little bit of encouragement for those of you with me in the trenches. Enjoy your Wednesday!

Monday’s Musings: In Other’s Words

I thought I might simply post a few thoughts from others that I’ve recently encountered that have made me think, blessed me tremendously, or just made me laugh. Inclusion here doesn’t necessarily imply 100% agreement, it only means that the words written or uttered made me think. So here goes:

~”Suppose that a person is faced with the choice of spending $50,000 on a brand-new car or paying two years worth of college tuition for his 18-year-old. What is the solution? That’s a stupid question. In the world of economic decision-making, there are no solutions — only tradeoffs, where having more of one thing means having less of another. Having one desire fulfilled means having another unfulfilled.”  -Economist Walter E. Williams from his column Economic Myths, Fallacies, and Stupidity. Seems common sense isn’t so common anymore, Mr. Williams.

~”Redistribution of wealth is what the Gospel is all about”- Jim Wallis, pastor and spiritual advisor to President Obama.  Now this was definitely news to me. I need to grab my Bible and double-check my theology. I thought the gospel was about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah, man’s redemption from sin which God so graciously offers as a result of Jesus’ sacrifice, and mankind being reconciled to a holy and righteous God. Apparently I have it all wrong!

~”I don’t trust any conservatives who won’t have children. What’s more fundamental than survival?”- Michael Savage. Of course, while I found Savage’s comment part true and part funny, I should acknowledge that there are some people who are childless for any number of reasons, none of which are our business. I only added the quote here because I do find it interesting the way love and marriage are increasingly being divorced from procreation, even among those who champion family values. And even among those in the church. For the record, I do not listen to the The Savage Nation. I ran across the quote at the link above when someone sent it to me as commentary regarding the recent fourth wedding of “Mr. Conservative”,  Rush Limbaugh.

~”Here’s the thing about sex once you’re married: you have a lifetime to get it right. It doesn’t have to be perfect right off the bat (and it rarely is). But when you love someone, and you’re committed to someone, you’ve got a lifetime to figure out how to make it good for both of you.”- Sheila at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, writing about wedding nights and expectations. She’s absolutely right. Practice makes perfect is an axiom that applies to marital intimacy as much as anything else.

~”Marriage won’t make a Big Comeback until all federal income transfers are stopped. Really. Social security, public health insurance, public schools, etc. Each and every one is in direct competition with the financial security [traditionally] provided by families. Not just husbands, but also the supports provided by extended families and their extension, the Church and local communities.

It’s a domino-effect. Without husbands, there is no marriage. Without marriage, there is no nuclear family. Without nuclear families, there is no extended family. Without extended families, there is no Church. Without churches, there is no community. Without communities, there is no state. If people are not bonded at the lowest level, the bond at the highest level dies out, as well. Everyone ends up on their own, with little interest in the fate of others.

In other words, if marriage ends, the whole state goes bankrupt. The state will have to begin devolving responsibilities to the lowest levels in order to save itself. “- Cecilia, from Traditional Marriage, commenting on the coming inevitable fallout should marriage rates continue their current free fall.

~”It is much easier to die than to lay down your life day in and day out with the sense of the high calling of God. We are not made for the bright-shining moments of life, but we have to walk in the light of them in our everyday ways.”- Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, June 16 devotional reading. If that doesn’t challenge you as you go about your day, then I don’t know what will!

~”I do it by myshelf.” or “No, I got it“- Sweetie Pie, age 2, who rarely acknowledges her need for help with anything, including snapping herself into her car seat. And ” by myshelf”, is Sweetie Pie- speak for “by myself”.

~”Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”- 1 John 3:1-3. This speaks for itself. No further commentary required, only gratitude.

Happy Monday, all!

This and That: Some Random Musings

This and that, as the catchy title of the post implies…

~Has it already been 2 years since I posted this? Where did the time go! Our Sweetie Pie is two years old today. She is getting into any and everything, the wobbles in her walk are fading, and her vocabulary is on the increase. Of course, there are times I wish I had a translator handy when she decides to string together a sentence! Happy Birthday, Sweetie Pie!

~And at the other end of the spectrum: I have a kid in college. Yes, you read that right. Down here, high school students who prove via testing that they can do the work can take college classes for free. Our high school sophomore, BrightEyes, is taking college algebra at the local community college. She’s feeling pretty ambitious, hoping to take enough classes to get her A.A. at the same time as her high school diploma.

When her dad and I dropped her off, and she started to jump out of the truck, the reality of what it meant was a bit lost on me at first. Then she said, “It feels like the first day of school.” And my husband said, “I hope your mom doesn’t start to cry.” Then it hit me. My kid is in college! And my eyes welled up, but I didn’t cry.

~So I’m browsing around in this great used bookstore: And I run across the very controversial marriage book by Debi Pearl, Created to Be His Helpmeet. It isn’t a new book. It’s been around quite a while, in fact. But I’d never read it for several reasons. First, I read many reviews of it when it was gaining popularity a few years ago. There were a few women that raved about it being convicting and a revelation, but many more thought it was disgusting, heretical, and disrespectful of women. I didn’t want to spend my husband’s hard earned money on a book that was filled with error or that I might hate.

Secondly, I’m not a big fan of marriage books. I have always been of the mind that marriage is pretty cut and dried in the Bible: What to do, what not to do, how to be a godly husband, and how to be a godly wife. Marriage books, I figured, just muddy the thinking, so I tend to skip them. I’ve onlyever read two:  Elizabeth George’s A Wife After God’s Own Heart, which was a solid, balanced book, and a great book on marital intimacy written by my blogging friend Sheila. I reviewed it here, for those interested.

The Debi Pearl book piqued my interest again, however, after Brenda recently mentioned enjoying it on her blog. Not all of her readers agreed, of course, so when I saw the book  for a very manageable $6, I thought I might read it. I purchased it. I haven’t gotten very far, but what I have read has been interesting. I hope to share my thoughts over the next week or so.

When I do, I welcome the thoughts of those among you who have also read this book. I hope to have fun time reviewing it, whether we all agree or not.

~America unhinged? When I was in the car the other day, I happen to stumble across the radio program of a conservative talker who was all in a tizzy over the new Supreme Court nominee. What, I thought, is this all about? I am no fan of our current President, but as the saying goes: elections have consequences and power comes with privileges. Among those privileges is the ability to nominate judges whose take on the law matches his own. There are plenty of policies and legislative initiatives we can take exception with, particularly things have to go through Congress, where theoretically voters have some say. I don’t think this woman is qualified, but that’s not my call to make.

Additionally, there was even a woman screeching on about denying Miranda rights to the guy who tried to set a bomb off in NYC a little over a week ago. Generally, I loathe the practice of reading rights to foreign, non-citizen terrorists. Miranda rights are rights guaranteed to American citizens. Guess what? That guy was a citizen! An alleged terrorist, yes, but a CITIZEN alleged terrorist. The show host agreed with her inanity. I was dumbfounded. Just proves that irrational, ideologically driven foolishness isn’t isolated to those on the left, though I do think they have a worse case of ideological delusion than those more conservative. Once you say citizens can be stripped of their rights based on the nature of the crime, we are all in jeopardy. What a waste of airtime!

 That energy would be much better spent educating listeners on the way government is supposed to function and arming them with the information they need when they go to the ballot box. Hearing that just reminded me of why I stopped listening to talk radio except on rare occasions. I’ll take Allistair Begg over Rush anyday.

~How often do you think about heaven? When was the last time you heard a message on the Second Coming? After hearing a message at church recently, it occurred to me how much time and energy we (meaning me) spend attempting to get our faith to work for us with the end result being relief from difficulty and increased comfort in the here and now. I realize that Scripture and faith are to be applied in this life. But I’m supposed to be building up for myself treasures in heaven. Unfortunately many of the most popular preachers of our day are encouraging believers to do more of what we do naturally: looking for perfection here. If life were perfect here, we wouldn’t long for heaven. And that also goes for our faith walk. If it were possible for us to be perfected now, how prideful, arrogant, and useless to the kingdom we would be! I dare say delusions of personal perfection are what’s keeping us from winning souls as it is. Just some food for thought.

Enjoy a relaxed, worshipful, and family-filled weekend!

Links That Made Me Think

freephoto.com

There are so many interesting topics of discussion to be found online. Things that give you pause, or just make you think. Here are a few posts and articles that I find worthy of contemplation and discussion. Happy Reading! 

A Wise Mother Guards Her Time, by Mrs. Fuentes at A Wise Woman Builds Her Home. This was a shot in the arm for me and a good reminder to make good use of the limited number of hours I have each day. It was timely because I’ve felt compelled lately to get into some in-depth Bible study. Of course, that will require better time management. 

Black Americans and Liberty, by Walter Williams at Townhall.com. This resonated with me because like Mr. Williams, I have often thought that if there were ever a  group of people in America who should be deeply distrustful of excessive government intrusion, it should be the black community. But for reasons that he, and I for that matter, cannot fathom, the black community continually and enthusiastically welcomes the taking of our liberties in exchange for unfulfilled promises and unearned handouts which are basically bribes in exchange for votes. There was one area with which I took exception, and that was his neglect to mention the lack of  personal responsibility in the black community that has contributed to many of the problems there. I’ve read enough of his writing to know that it was probably an oversight on his part, but it was a big one. 

Abortion’s Long Route to Rare, by Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post. As many states are passing and debating legislation requiring ultrasounds for women getting abortions, the “pro-choicers” are in an uproar. Ms. Parker, whom I often disagree with, makes an excellent, rational point this time: Why is this medical procedure the only one where people actively campaign for a lower threshold of informed decision-making? Well, we know why, don’t we? 

Busy Doing What?, by Tracey at In Word Adorning. Tracey contemplates the busyness that encompasses much of church life compared to the percentage of said activity that adds to spiritual growth or the vitality of our Christian walk. Like me, she has concluded that it’s okay to sit out some of this stuff. This was excellent. I hope you have time to read it. 

Does Anyone Remember 1931?, at The Market Ticker. I am an economy watcher. There, I admit it. I don’t often blog about it for several reason, not the least of which is that many people find it boring. I’m no economist, of course. I am only marginally competent about the basics of how our economy is supposed to work. But I do know that one of the glaringly distinguishable marks of a growing economy is that people who want a job can find one. There is no such thing in reality as a jobless recovery, even though the media keeps cranking out the good news that the worst is behind us. This piece takes the indicators apart in understandable terms and sets the record straight. 

Everyday Miracles, by Diane at Tomato Soup Cake, written for LAF. One of the sweetest women in the blogosphere, Diane tells her story of God’s favor and her triumph against all odds in a society which insists that what she is doing can’t be done. She is a single, homeschooling mother. And did I mention that she’s a full-time homemaker as well?  Enjoy this story of faith in God and His provision.

Thoughts on Modesty and Parenting

I have to admit this. I wondered how many virtual sideways glances I received after posting a picture of my then *almost* 3-year-old in a swimsuit. The photo is one my favorite of all the snapshots we take in and around our family, and we take lots of pictures.  That’s why I wanted to share it, since I share so few of the details of our life here on my blog, for various reasons. Still, I hesitated to do so because I know that modesty is a hot topic in the conservative blogosphere. With good reason, of course. I take the issue of modesty very seriously but I am admittedly much more relaxed when it comes to my toddlers.

When the girls are around  kindergarten aged, we begin a concerted effort to put the rules in place that we hope they continue to live by throughout the rest of their lives regarding dress. For example, none of our big girls wears a  bikini and their one-piece swimsuit requires board shorts on bottom. They prefer this, as well, as they all express discomfort when trying on clothes if something is too tight,  too short, or too low-cut.

In the end, I posted the picture because I like it and it conveys the closeness of the bond developing between the two girls.  I did it even though I knew it might invoke the ire of the modesty police. I think there is a distinction to be made between a two-year-old girl and a 13 year-old girl. We believe in training our children from an early age, which is why we start explaining to our children the how’s and why’s behind what is acceptable dress and what isn’t as soon as we feel they are old enough to understand. I appreciate and agree with the argument to train them “from birth”, but also believe in training children in accordance with their level of understanding.

Funny thing about that swimsuit in particular. It was the green color that caught her eye. Lil’ Princess and my first-born both love green. When she saw the suit in the store and wanted it, I was knee-deep into reading any and everything concerning modesty and told her she couldn’t have it. To which my husband replied, “She’s two.”  Since it was on the clearance rack at 60% off,  discussion ended. You may remember that she was quite spoiled at that time.

I’ve always felt instinctively that for a very young child  in the presence and care of her parents, a pair of shorts or even a one-piece swimsuit is acceptable. In fact, I learned quickly that a toddler in a dress on a jungle jim provides much more opportunity for exposure than a toddler in a modest pair of shorts.

While reading different views and standards on modesty has been enlightening for me, I don’t think I’ve ever dressed in a way that was overtly immodest since I was a teenager. My children also dress modestly, and while I’m sure they would fail to meet the standard of many in the blogosphere, at school, they are often asked about their refusal to wear shorts that don’t reach their knees or why even a peek of their midriff  can’t be seen. Modesty has never been a big issue in our house because my husband laid down the law for what is acceptable for his girls to wear (and why). They sincerely appreciate the protection and guidance we have provided in this area. I don’t think I’d heard much at all about the issue until I started blogging, which is probably why so many women in the church don’t think about what they are wearing and how it reflects their witness.

As I began to give conscious thought to the subject I could see that there were some things I should do differently. I made some changes, and for that I am very grateful. As I have written before, it is not at all unusual for the average Christian woman to have given no thought at all to the issue of modesty. I’ll go even further and say a good percentage would need detailed elaboration on what it is we mean exactly when we even mention modesty.

The point of this ramble is that with that post, for the first time, it occurred to me how affected I am by the perceived thoughts of strangers in the blogosphere that I barely know. Even among those with whom I feel a deeper connection, it is still a one-dimensional portrait limited by the anonymity of the Internet. Yet, I shuddered inwardly to think what must have been thought of me for allowing my toddler to go to a splash park in a bathing suit. Would I be perceived as a mother who promoted immodesty in my children? Should I just keep the picture to myself so as to avoid the judgement of those who have hard and fast rules about what is acceptable and what isn’t ( and a swimsuit would definitely be among what isn’t)?

I’m curious how many other bloggers have self-censored or adjusted what they post to fit the tone they want their blog to strike rather than what is the reality of their life. Obviously, it is an issue I think about though in the end I took the bold step of posting a photo that I knew would cause some to *tsk tsk* my parenting or my commitment to modesty. I posted the picture because I have not arrived at a perfect understanding of every issue, I cannot live my life by others’ standards, and I don’t want to pretend that I do.

I’d love your thoughts on whether you think about how your postings will be received, and if it affects what you post. Oh, and please feel free to weigh in on the modesty issue as well, particularly as it relates to younger children.

“Daddies Don’t Do Dishes!!!”

We had an interesting moment after dinner recently. My husband had given our big girls a project in the yard, and it took them the better part of the day to complete it. As an aside, his purpose for putting them to work in the yard has many layers. The first was so that they could do some work to earn the money required to purchase their back to school gear. Second, hard work builds character- in young women as much as young men. Lastly, we firmly believe that our girls need to know how to accomplish a variety of tasks around the home- outside as well as in. This means they need to know how to wield a hammer, run a lawnmower, and his personal favorite, use a miter saw. Not only do they need to be able to do these things for themselves, but also to be good helpers to their husbands one day. What does this have to do with whether or not daddies do dishes? Not a thing. As usual I’ve gotten off topic so let me try and regain my focus.

At day’s end, our children are responsible for cleaning the kitchen, sweeping, and mopping the floors in our mostly tiled house. However, since they had spent the better part of the day working in the yard, we told them to take a shower and relax while we did the after dinner chores. As I went about sweeping and mopping the floors, my husband began to do the dishes. It didn’t occur to me at first how rare this was- for my husband to do dishes. Not until my three year old questioned and emphatically answered in a grand statement that stopped everyone in their tracks:

“Daddy, what are you doing in there? Daddies don’t do the dishes!!”

Well, obviously daddies do dishes because daddy was doing the dishes. The reality, however, is that I couldn’t remember her daddy doing the dishes even once in her three short years of life- ever. Not because it’s beneath him, or because it’s woman’s work, or any such thing. It has just worked out that way. In fact, it’s been quite a while since I’ve done any dinner dishes myself. Of course, she has seen me do dishes as I wash the breakfast dishes every morning after the family leaves for school and work. But with four adolescents in our house, there are more than enough hands to do dishes after dinner without my husband or me ever having to lift a finger. So we don’t. We sit and enjoy each other’s company as the kids clean up the mess.

It occurred to us after Little Princess’ declaration that it wouldn’t hurt for the kids to see Daddy doing dishes every now and then, for even the teenagers admitted that it was something of a surreal experience to be sitting while he washed them. They do appreciate that Daddy works hard all day and as such it’s perfectly fine for him to sit after work while we cook dinner, serve it, and do the clean up.

But just so they know that can Daddies do dishes too, we’ll put on the calendar again for August 2010.

Living Well On One Income, The Finale

The other posts in this series can be found here, here, and here.

With this final post, I wanted to address a possibility that is often and surprisingly overlooked: That there is a happy medium between working full time outside the home and not producing any income to supplement your husband’s. It requires hard work and ingenuity, to be sure, but anything worth doing usually does. This “Option C” if you will, involves tapping into creative ways to use our God-given gifts and talents as entrepreneurs. Of course, then you wouldn’t be living on one income, would you? Well, for the sake of continuity we’ll leave the title as is. Working from home and managing ourselves provides the opportunity to earn an income, while being able to set our own schedules, fitting work into our lives rather than attempting to fit life in around our work. And we don’t have to compartmentalize our family life in order to do it.

I love baking. One of the things that my children and I do together a great deal is bake cookies, cakes, brownies, bread, you name it. About 6 years ago, I contributed a cake to a get together among family and friends. About 2 weeks later, I got a call from a friend who wanted me to bake a cake so that she could bring it to a luncheon on her job. She was willing to pay me for the cost of ingredients as well as for my time and labor. The cake was a hit, she told other people about me, and within a couple of months I was making anywhere from $100-$200 a week, sometimes more if I was willing to stretch myself and take additional orders. Cookies were easier, so I took more of those orders, but they didn’t generate as much cash as cakes.

I operated my at home mini-bakery for about a year before time constraints and other issues prompted me to fold it up. Looking back I can see that I did a horrible job of planning and managing my time in a way that would keep me from getting burned out. That was mainly because I had never planned to operate a home business. It was all coincidence and happenstance and I rolled with it until I got tired. However, I am thinking about starting up my enterprise again, albeit from a different angle, and with the possibility of this new venture, I am considering all the things I hadn’t considered before.

Most of us, if we think about it, possess some marketable skill- something that someone is willing to pay us to do because they can’t or don’t feel like doing it themselves. Are you great at decorating cakes? Even in the deepest recession, the average parent is willing to sacrifice to buy their kid a birthday cake. Are you a gifted seamstress? Consider alterations. Amy commented recently that she has generated a good deal of money by making and selling all types of gluten free products, something that she has learned to excel at since she must eat a gluten free diet.

Do you grow a bounty of vegetables every season that you could sell at a local farmer’s market? Writing, editing, tutoring, music lessons; the possibilities are endless. And the best part is that you can work in a way that best fits the needs and schedule of your family rather than having to fit your family in around the schedule of an arbitrary schedule set by someone else. You’ll still have some accountability of course, as you’ll need to satisfy your customer base, but there is so much more autonomy than if you were punching a clock. And you certainly won’t be forced to decide between Juniors 3 o’clock soccer game and a 3 o’clock budget meeting.

There are a few things to consider. First, working from home is still work. There will have to be hours carved out to handle day to day operations. For me, this took place very early in the morning while most of the family was still sleeping. Of course, that worked for me because I work better in the morning. For others, it may need to be done when everyone is settled down for bed. If you have little ones, it may be during nap time. Whatever works for you, the great part is that you get to choose it. Keep in mind also that being a homemaker is still part of the daily duties and that alone may be a turn off to many women. But when you factor in that most wives who work outside the home also carry the lion’s share of the household duties anyway, you realize that this is doable, particularly when you get to set your own hours.

You’ll also need to learn to keep good records because income generated from home is still income and Uncle Sam will still expect to get his cut. Depending on how much money you make, and your overhead (out of pocket business expenses) you may even need some special accounting help. I never needed it because I didn’t take enough orders to generate an income that demanded it and I had very little overhead to speak of, since my kitchen was my “office”. If you generate anything over $400 a year, you’ll need to do your homework to stay out of the slammer for tax evasion.

The idea of being your own boss and running a business from home may seem overwhelming. There is a certain comfort in having someone “outside” set the parameters for how you make your money. Less headache. Or so we tend to think until we have to choose between the soccer game and the budget meeting.

I hope these posts have been informative and have offered some common sense solutions to the financial dilemmas we all face. I started these posts by recounting a recent conversation with a friend. With that encounter came to my mind all of the things we should consider and don’t. I have spoken with so many wives who want to be a t home full time and don’t think it’s possible. And equally as many who would be happy just to be able to cut down to part time hours so they can be home when their kids get home from school but it seems impossible. The truth however, is that few things are impossible if we are willing to work hard, change our thinking, and make sacrifices and choices that line up with what we say we value most.

This has been my feeble attempt to share some of what I have learned over the years that I have been at home. Happy homemaking, no matter where you are on the journey!

Insanity and the Overwhelmed Modern Mother

When insanity becomes the normal way of doing business, is it still insane? I think so, but I may be alone on that. Catherine wrote a post recently about her personal struggle as a new mom without multi-generational support and it brought to mind some things that I have been thinking about as a few of my own daughters are on the cusp of adulthood. Specifically, I’ve been pondering many of the challenges mothers face in an era when there are few, if any women available who, having gone before us, can help navigate through the treacherous waters of raising our children in this 21st century. So much of what we call empowerment has done more harm than good. And the older generation is as much to blame for it as the younger.

While much of what ails the modern wife and mother can rightly be blamed on the modern feminist movement, just as much of it can be blamed on the lack of parental foresight over the past 40 years. This includes Christian families and parents who embrace more traditional values. Families have done a horrible job of passing on true and timeless values to the next generation, opting instead to discard them in favor of all the new “wisdom” the world has produced. Which brings me to the first insane idea.

Insane idea #1: The notion that, upon our 18th year of life, packing up, leaving our families to travel to a distant place and learn doctrines hostile to truth is a rite of passage that all must experience to have lived a full life. This is the beginning of insanity because in my estimation, it usually ushers in all the rest of it. I think it is safe to say that the reason most young mothers find themselves lonely and floundering when they have children is because they bought into this first insane idea. They leave Loving Security, GA to go to college and meet Mr. Right, who hails from God Knows Where, NV. They fall in love, get engaged, and job prospects lead him, and thus them, to Big City, IL where they excitedly jump into their careers and all the hustle and bustle of life as newlyweds. They also build a lifestyle based on their double income, no kids’ salaries. All is well, until they find out that they are expecting. Reality immediately starts to set in for her when she is unable to jump in the car and take a 10 minute drive to share her excitement with her mother. He reassures her, as he well should, that everything is going to be great. And it is, until she has her baby and is faced with insane idea #2.

Insane idea #2: That it is perfectly logical to hand your newborn baby over to a minimum wage hireling for 8 hours or more per day while you work build a career, make ends meet and pay off the debt incurred from insane idea #1. Again, leaving aside exceptional situations if you please, why do we think it makes any sense at all that a person who is responsible for a minimum of 4 or more newborns in addition to your own is going to see to it that your child gets the love and care that he or she needs? We have no reason at all to believe that, but this is so much a part of our culture that the insanity of it has been totally lost. It is the normal way of doing business. So much so that I am accused of being too protective, of not having a life, of sheltering my children too much, simply because I have taken seriously my God-given responsibility to train up my own kids. Of course, making the decision to be at home means that “sacrifices” must be made. We drive older cars, vacations are few, short, and close to home when we do go on them, and eating out, that great American pastime, is a big deal around our house because we don’t do it much. And again, we are looked at as if we are strange because we think the “sacrifices” really aren’t sacrifices at all. You can’t put a price on a being there for your children. Or on having something of yourself left to give to those you love most at the end of the day. That of course, brings me to insane idea number 3.

Insane idea #3: That living the good life has anything at all to do with the zip code you live in, the car you drive, or how much disposable income you can dispose of entertaining yourself at the end of the month. Let me be the first to admit that it does feel nice to have all your bills paid, a few bucks in the bank, and still be able to do dinner and a movie of Friday night. Like Paul, we’ve been abased, abound, and everything in between. But our culture has painted it almost sinful to just be able to make ends meet. Further, there are incalculable spiritual blessings when we are more acutely aware of our need to look to the Heavenly Father to literally provide our daily bread. This idea of uprooting ourselves and our families solely to chase bigger salaries has reached epic proportions in America and is a major contributor to the fact that mothers feel isolated and alone, and stay at home mothers in particular. Most cities are full of folks with no roots, no family nearby, and no lifelong ties or support for families to lean on.

While I certainly realize that I can’t keep my children tethered to me forever, and have no intention of trying to do so, I have always been thankful that both my husband and I live and raise our family in the city where we were born and raised. Even though most of the women in my extended family work outside their homes, I am still in a position to call upon someone I trust in the case of an emergency, and I even have a few fellow at home mothers I can get together with on those rare occasions that I have hours to spend outside the house. It is possible to build a close and trusted circle of friends no matter where you are, but the insanity is so pervasive that very few people stay in any one place these days long enough to do so.

Sometimes life takes us far away from home. Sometimes our Heavenly Father opens doors and sends us on missions that demand we let go of those things that make us feel most secure. I am fully aware that there are twists, turns, and bends in the road of life that take us places we never planned to go. But that is wholly different from running to and fro chasing a more affluent lifestyle. Mothers of generations gone by were blessed to be able to raise their children with proximity of their mothers and grandmothers, their aunts, and their cousins. Churches were more than just a pit stop on Sunday morning where everyone filed in, did their religious duty, feigned love, and went home, never to see or even think about another member of the congregation until came back next week. And that was because even there, everyone there had a history with one another. The deacon may also have been the postman. The Sunday school teacher may also have been the midwife who had delivered half the babies born in that church during the past 30 years.

This is the root of the loneliness many young mothers face: the overwhelming feeling of having to do it all on your own. Of not being close enough to anyone close by that can drop by and sit with the baby while you take a nap during the harried hours and sleep deprived weeks of early motherhood. Of not having anyone you can relate to and trust enough to share your deepest struggles without having to pay them $150 an hour to listen and not judge. Everyone wants to live a reasonably prosperous life. But I think what we have come to expect as reasonably prosperous isn’t reasonable at all, but greediness. The fact that we’re willing to trade real riches in exchange for it simply proves my point. Most of what the world offers will ring painfully hollow when you’re trying to raise a family in the midst of people you’re not sure you can trust.

There is something to be said for staying put, for growing roots that go down deep. It’s one of the things I want to instill in my daughters. That it’s okay to stay in one place. You don’t have to feel pressure to experience everything that the world has to offer. Some things are more important. Being able to relax and watch a rented movie with your husband while the kids sleep over at grandma and grandpa’s is priceless.

One year ago…

I posted this picture.

What a difference a year makes!

Happy Birthday Sweetie Pie!