My Kids Saw the New Harry Potter Flick

I wonder how many people just deleted me from their reader on the heels of that confession! First of all, I’m not referring the little ones; the teenagers saw the movie.

In the interest of keeping it real however, I thought I’d share that because we are not completely culturally disconnected and I don’t want to pretend we are. I’d also like to unpack the rationale behind our permission for them to do so. The rationale was actually my husband’s because like most Christians, I started out with the typical reactionary, knee-jerk view that because the movie contained (“glorified”) witchcraft, it was evil and to be avoided. Never mind that there is no sex, no profanity, and good triumphing over evil is the theme of the story. It contained witchcraft!

My husband on the other hand, started out by asking a few questions: The first was totally tongue-in cheek, but it drove home the point he wanted to make: “When you were growing up, did you enjoy watching the re-runs of I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched ?” “Do you like The Wizard of Oz ?” My answer was yes to both  questions. The follow-up was, “Are you a witch?” I answered no. He asked why, and I said, “Because I was taught that witchcraft is wrong. I never once considered witchcraft acceptable.”

Even though I followed the logic, I still wasn’t convinced at first. Far from it, even though I’d never seen one of the films and none of the Christians I knew who criticized had seen one either. I was convinced that it was “just wrong” for a Christian to see these movies.

Until my attention was turned to the enthusiasm most believers, myself included, have for The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings trilogies. Two series which both were yes, authored by professed believers when they lived, but were also heavy on magic, symbolism, and witchcraft. Why were these okay but Harry Potter wasn’t? Was it simply because the author of the Harry Potter books is not a believer (that we know of)?

Maybe it was simply the fact that these books and movies are wildly popular, which should be an automatic red flag to the “serious” believer. With the exception of the Messianic overtones of the Lewis books, wasn’t the basic message the same, that good triumphs over evil? Was the” good wizard” in Lord of the Rings better than the “good wizard” in Harry Potter?

When the Twilight saga was all the rage, they quickly and decisively determined that it was an inappropriate book and movie series, and that they did not want any part of it. They decided this before I had any inkling what Twilight was and when I found out what it was, I was proud of the discernment they demonstrated. So was their father because we agreed that it something to be avoided. We allowed them to make the call for themselves in this instance and we have no regrets that we did.

Most importantly, our girls are 17 and 16.We’re not talking about 12-year-olds here. We have taught them right from wrong, about what is unacceptable and what is not. Are they not capable of making these decisions for themselves? They are fully able to discern the message of the film (that good triumphs over evil) while understanding that not everything the hero does is something they can or should emulate.

The answer to all of the above is a resounding yes. They love Jesus, and we have to trust them to discern His voice and make some of these decisions on their own. I often think Christians forget that we are not raising children. We are in fact raising future adults. Future adults who have to learn to think their own thoughts and walk their own walk.

Once I took the time to think it through critically rather just being religious about it, I had no reservations about their decision to see this film.

On The Gluten-Free Bandwagon

It’s been 6 hours, 35 minutes since Sweetie Pie woke up and I haven’t seen her scratching. She’s napping now and she tends to scratch even more when she sleeps. No scratching.  This is a record, folks. She also hasn’t had any wheat in her meals today.

Yesterday I saw this post of Kate’s, with before and after pictures of her skin since she went gluten-free. The transformation was quite profound and I showed the picture to my husband, who promptly said, “See if putting Sweetie Pie on a gluten-free diet will help her eczema.” With that, I began a new quest for knowledge on this way of eating that I sort of viewed as just another nutrition fad, except in the case of people who have disorders like Celiac’s disease, of course.

It’s far too soon to tell for sure if this is going to work of course, but it has done my heart good to see her not miserably scratching despite the myriad types of ointments, creams, and moisturizers we put on her. Even the steroids only provide temporary relief. Besides, I firmly believe that true physical healing takes place from the inside out, not vice versa. Now the dilemma:

I have serious reservations about my ability to execute this plan long-term and simultaneously feed my family food that is full of variety, texture, and flavor. I’ve already done my grocery shopping for this week so I’ll have to finish the week out with what I have on hand. Sweetie Pie has been begging for a cookie out of the jar that I baked up yesterday, but a mango seemed to satisfy her sweet tooth pretty well. The bigger dilemma, and the reason for this post: I need help, resources and advice.

I am a baker. I love to bake and I’m good at it. I even made pretty good money doing it a while back selling decorated birthday cakes and home style cakes to a little mom and pop restaurant until I became overwhelmed and started dropping the ball on my duties around the house. But I still love to bake: mostly bread, but also cookies, as well as cakes or pies to complement Sunday dinners. It’s a big part of my time in the kitchen.

The idea of not being able to bake rattles me a bit because while I’m a decent cook, I prefer the precision of baking more than any other kind of cooking. Today, I began my hunt for alternatives to wheat flour and the prices gave me sticker shock! I know that if our entire family adopts this lifestyle (and that’s entirely possible), I won’t be able to bake as much as I have in the past, but I still want to be able to bake at least once a week or so.

Thankfully, I ran across the website Gluten-free Mama in my bookmarks. Someone must have forwarded it to me in days past, and it’s still there. I can hardly believe the pictures of the baked goods on this site are gluten free, but I’m looking forward to giving it a try.

Anyone have some suggestions on cookbooks, websites, recipes, online stores to buy gluten-free products at a good price? Do tell, because this wheat addict needs some guidance!

How I Raise My Kids Is Not Just MY Business

 Sheila opened up a can of worms recently when she tackled the subject of young children in daycare, so much so that she followed up with a clarification of her thoughts for the sake of understanding. She did so without backing down, and for that I admired her courage.

This post is not about daycare. You can breathe easy, ladies! Sheila did a great job of expressing much of what I think in her two posts and I have no desire to re-open that discussion. It’s just that reading her posts and the ensuing comments got me to thinking about parenting in general, and how our parenting really isn’t just about us and our kids. How I parent my kids is certainly my responsibility, but it is everybody’s business because the world has to live with the finished product when my kids leave the nest. And the same goes for when your kids leave the nest. You will never hear me utter the words: “How I raise my kids is MY business!”

We all know instinctively that this is true. It’s why people ask where the parents were when young boys and girls are arrested for various crimes, or when young girls are attacked during the wee hours when we would demand that our daughter be in bed. We recognize that laissez fare parenting and lack of supervision allow seeds of trouble to take root.

As these thoughts began to emerge, it occurred to me that this goes much deeper than whether we produce law-abiding citizens. While the kid who stole my dad’s car from the church parking lot on a  school night  a few years back is an easy target to aim at when looking for examples of bad parenting, there are other, more subtle ways that our lack of focus when we parent our children affects society.

An ongoing conversation I find myself having with parents traveling in tandem with me as we navigate the years between young adulthood and full adulthood, commonly referred to as the teenage years, is the one of scheduling. While my children are involved in some activities (we are in the busy band season right now, in fact), I have taken a pretty firm stand against allowing them to be overly committed with respect to extracurriculars, and many parents fail to see why I am so “rigid” on this point. Rigid is our stand that they can each have one season which requires after school activity more than twice a week. The reasoning is two-fold.

The first is this. While I understand the need for young adults to begin to branch out and learn to navigate the world around them, I don’t believe this can be accomplished successfully by immersing themselves in the world at large while completely severing the tether to the family that loves them the most and has their best interest at heart. But this is the approach many parents take. The line of thinking goes something like this:  ”Well, they’re teenagers, they’re supposed to pull away”. While I do believe they should  be increasingly making their own decisions, I do NOT believe that young people are supposed to “pull away” from their families. Nursing homes are full of parents who prematurely pushed their children out of the nest under the guise of letting them soar while they relished their freedom from the drudgery of parenting. The kids, unfortunately, soared away and never looked back.

The second line of thinking governing why we don’t give our children free rein to get involved in any and every thing that comes down the pike might seem selfish at first, but when you think about it, it actually helps curb a selfish attitude in the children. And it’s this: I am NOT spending all of my weekday afternoons and evenings sitting in traffic in my gas guzzling SUV. I am a mother not a chauffeur. 

Further, what do I teach my children when I allow them to think that my time, my very life, is to be structured around their hobbies, their interests, and their schedules? That all of our disposable income such as it is,  is to be spent on the things that interest them or on gas to take them to do the things that interest them? Is it any wonder that even the “good” Christian kids that are coming of age show very little concern for the less fortunate and the interests of others? Why should they when parents have taught them that life is all about them?

This is why I implore you to understand that how we raise our kids matters to the rest of the world. If they never have to clean up their own messes as children, they won’t expect to as adults. Bailouts, anyone? If they are taught that life revolves around them and what they want, is it any surprise that we have a generation of young people (and old, for that matter) who flock to the polls to vote for the candidate who promises them the most goodies without having to put in any sweat equity because they can simply take it from the ones who do, same as they did when they were youngsters?

If we don’t teach them to commit to master the first skill they put their hands and our money into rather than drop it when they lose interest  and move on to something more exciting, is it any wonder that they spend 5 years and $75,ooo (of your money, +interest) to obtain a college degree just to enter a totally different career field while you get stuck with the bill? If we allow them to enter the dating scene promptly upon entering high school at 14-years-old, taking up with a new boyfriend or girlfriend every semester, can we really express genuine surprise when they don’t take their marriage vows seriously, especially if we don’t?

All of these seemingly minor parenting issues translate into big problems for society as a whole when we don’t recognize that what we do as parents matters not just to us and to our children, but to every one they come in contact with. The selfishness which permeates this culture, even the church, is palpable. And unbiblical, I might add (see Philippians 2:1-4).

If I was only concerned with whether or not my kids avoided jail time, got knocked up, or having gainful employment, then the typical “good parenting” paradigm might suffice. You must know what I refer to when I say the typical “good parenting” paradigm, but for the sake of those who don’t, I’ll offer a brief snippet.

From the time the baby is born the typical good parent is so enamored with how much of an adorable little miracle their child is, they pull out all the stops to keep  the child happy. They laugh rather than reprimand (dare I use the dreaded S word: spank?) when their two-year-old calls daddy a “stupid poo-poo head”. They dutifully pick up the toys off of Junior’s bedroom floor every day because he moves too slowly and whines about it anyway. It’s easier to handle it themselves and move on. About age five, the activity wheel starts spinning. Kindergarten all day, soccer on Mondays and Wednesdays, music lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and games on Saturday. On Sunday, there’s children’s church/youth group. Dinner in the car after a trip through the drive through is commonplace on weeknights. Most family interactions take place in the car. Despite the nagging voice is telling Mom that this cannot be a healthy (literally or figuratively), we’ve bought into the idea that a crazy schedule is best for the kids. They need to be kept busy and stimulated.

Side bar: I have found that the more overstimulated and busy I am, the harder it is for me to settle my mind, focus, and pray. Are we training our kids to be perpetually unable to seek the Lord?

This pace keeps up pretty much non-stop for the next 12 years. The only thing that changes is the specific activity based on what Junior or Suzy takes an interest in from one year to the next. There’s the occasional volunteer work that gets squeezed in as well because the college application needs to appear “well-rounded.” In the end, we’ve raised kids for whom every thing is about them. all. the. time. Then we look around and wonder how on earth we have ended up with the society we have.

It’s not just “those people”. You know those poor people, those single mothers, those undesirables, that have raised their kids wrongly and helped to dig us into the hole we are now looking up out of in disbelief.

The typical “good parenting” paradigm has failed miserably. I for one, will do my part by raising kids who understand that life is not all about them. I will do that because I realize that the kind of people I turn out in society effects your life, too.

It’s an uphill battle some days, as Tracey so eloquently expressed recently. But it’s also one filled with laughter, good times, and joy. When I reach the end of this journey I want to have done right by my children and risen to the challenge of this awesome responsibility. My accountability reaches far beyond my own front door, into the world, and even into eternity.

I’m Feeling Political(ly) Incorrect

Against my better judgment, today I am going to wade into the social/political pond and pen the thoughts that have swirled around in my head as I’ve read various headlines and articles over the past week. That my opinions will rankle some, I have no doubt. As long as we can disagree agreeably, have at it. On that note, let’s muse:

• The more I hear from Sarah Palin, the less I like: I know this is  an about face from my ringing endorsement of Mrs. Palin back in 2008 when John McCain made her the nominee for vice-president. At the time I was moved by her pro-life stance and honestly believed (still do) that sometimes God calls us to do things outside the box.  My resolve began to shake pretty quickly since I could never imagine having a pregnant teenaged daughter and parading her onto the world stage for the sake of politics. I was so opposed to the opposition, however, that I swallowed my reservations and stood firm. Her decision to skip out on the rest of her term as governor of Alaska struck me as flaky. I felt the same way when the senator from my state resigned for no clear reason. Elected officials need to keep the commitment to the voters who elected them throughout their term unless there is a compelling family or medical reason for doing otherwise. Not to write books and work for FOX news, even if it is my favorite news channel. My final word: she is starting to look more and more to me like your typical feminist.
• Speaking of teenage pregnancy: I was mortified when Oprah Winfrey had the audacity to try and discourage Bristol Palin from remaining abstinent until marriage in the aftermath of her very public teenage pregnancy. By way of disclosure, I didn’t watch the episode. I read about it and saw a clip. Still, the little bit that I saw rankled me. Why would any mature adult try to discourage an unmarried young woman from abstaining from sexual activity outside of marriage? I know that none of this should surprise me, but I must admit it did. I know that the celebration of promiscuity is the order of the day in the American media and entertainment industry, but this was just beyond the pale.
• Commander of Speech: Against my better judgment, I watched the State of the Union  address Wednesday night. One of my kids was interested as her teacher said it would be a good learning experience, and indeed it was. She learned how duplicitous and misleading politicians can be.  As usual, our President spoke eloquently and with conviction. Unfortunately, the speech was so full of factual errors, misdirection, and outright untruths that it was painful to watch. I do my homework so it is not as easy for me to be swayed by eloquence when I’m being lied to. While I often fear that we Americans have raised the vote to the status of an idol, I also believe that those who would cast a ballot should have some grasp of the issues.
• Speaking of the vote:  I’ve run into  a lot of online chatter about fallout  from women’s suffrage. The thinking goes something like this. Women are primarily invested in their security and that of their children, so they are more likely to vote along liberal lines. Unless, of course, they are happily married, in which case they become more conservative, mostly in response to their husband’s income putting them in a larger tax bracket. The implication here is that giving women the vote has led us to the place we are today, and life would have been better had the 19th amendment never been passed. I readily admit that motherhood immediately prompted a  more conservative streak in me, but it was more a concern about social ills than about  money. I am not one of those who thinks women shouldn’t vote. While my husband and I walk pretty much lockstep politically, he would be mortified if he thought I felt obligated to vote the same as him on religious grounds. He would point out, and rightly so, that I have to give account of my heart before God and voting with him while secretly disagreeing wouldn’t earn me submission points in heaven. The politically incorrect statement I’m about to make has nothing to do with gender: There is no such thing as a  constitutional right to vote. Like driving, voting is a privilege. You don’t believe me? Ask a convicted felon. I am  inclined more and more to believe that just like we need to prove basic competency to put people’s lives at risk on the roads, we need a basic civics competency test to prove one’s fitness to be able to put our fellow citizen’s futures at risk. Not ideology gauges, mind you,  but civics. I am astonished at the full-grown people I met who voted in 2008 who didn’t know how many representatives are in the House of Representatives or how long terms are for the different Congressional members. Some didn’t know who the Vice Presidential nominee was. I talked to folks who didn’t make the connection that someone’s incomes had to be confiscated (i.e. higher taxes) in order for any elected official to make good on promised entitlements. Is it any wonder the country is in a mess?
• Tim Tebow, homeschool graduate and voice for life: By now, even those of you who had never heard of Tim Tebow have heard about the controversy surrounding CBS’ decision to air a “controversial” pro-life ad during the Super Bowl featuring Tebow as the spokesman for life. I have nothing to add on that story since the culture of immorality and death has been growing in America for decades so the opposition to this ad should surprise no one. What strikes me every time Tebow makes news, and as a sports fan I am  familiar with his career, is that he is a  Christian homeschool graduate. A homeschool graduate who has, despite all the homeschool naysayers, has achieved the epitome of athletic and academic success, and done so while maintaining the integrity of his faith. Now, I know we don’t homeschool to achieve worldly success, but the supposition that we hamper our kids’ chances for college and ”real world” success is one of the main objections raised by those who oppose homeschooling. And that presumption is immediately shot down every time Tebow’s picture is on the front of the sports page, which is almost every week down here during football season.
•   On the flip side: My daughter, Bright Eyes, who as longtime readers know, is a public school sophomore, is penetrating her school with the light of the gospel. In fact, she had a friend come to Christ just this past week. She’s encouraging her believing friends to be bold in their faith and a couple of her girlfriends have broken off relationships with boyfriends since she started lending out copies of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I would never recommend any parent to put their children in a government school. How and why I have three of my own there can be found here. But of this one thing I am confident: the light of God can penetrate even the darkest of places, because even the darkness is as light to Him. No matter what anyone says, I believe it is possible to remain or become a Christian as a public school student. Is it an uphill battle? Yes. If I had it to do over, would I have done things differently? Goodness, yes! Still, I am getting a huge kick out of girls calling my house to ask my daughter about certain Scriptures and what they mean. And I love that my daughter is praying for those kids and that kids are turning to the Lord even though their parents may not be believers.  I suggest that my fellow believing homeschoolers quit insulting the Most High, Almighty, Creator of the universe that we claim to serve by insisting that the souls of public school children are doomed. Either we believe God is all powerful or we don’t. He saved us, didn’t He, and most of us came through the evil public school system? I’m not advocating public school. Let me repeat, I constantly advise new parents to start making other plans so they don’t have to fight the fight we fight. But I do not harbor the fantastic notion that I have the power in my hands to see to it that my kids grow up to serve Him. We really MUST abandon our illusions of control and remember that salvation is in Christ and Him alone. Can I ask for your prayers that my kids would continue to stand strong and that the Lord will continue to break through into the hearts of the kids fighting this uphill battle? Thanks.

Have a great weekend!

It’s Monday. Let’s Muse Together.

For some time I’ve been meaning to devote a post to my delicious links. Many of the topics in the articles have the potential to spark a great conversation. Since I am suffering a small case of writer’s block, this seems as good a time as any. I’m not sure if I should call it writer’s block, since the block is more from lack of time than ideas for posts. Still, there are many other people writing thought provoking pieces well worth taking time to read. In this current climate we need to be thinking more than ever about who we are, Whose we are, what we represent, and how we go about doing that. While most of my delicious links are devoted to political columns that reflect the views I have declined from commenting on personally, there are, on occasion, links to articles and posts that “take the culture’s pulse”, as it were.

So this Monday, feel free to muse with me. Because I value your time and mine, I’ll take a minute here to highlight the links that I find particularly interesting. I don’t expect you to the read all the links. If I were the one presented with such a smorgasbord of thoughtful pieces, I’d just read the one that most interested me and comment on that one. Among the recent links:

Spunky Homeschool: A Truly Divine Appointment: A short post recounting the encounter between a homeschool graduate and the head of a large inner city school district. I enjoyed this story, and I thought you all might as well. Also, I thought it best to start with something light.

Ronald Reagan’s speech to the 1964 GOP Convention: I heard an excerpt from this speech recently and was inspired to seek out the whole speech on YouTube and listen to it. The parallels to 2009 America are uncanny: runaway spending, wars with no aim or end in sight, trampling of the Constitution- it was really jaw-dropping. My favorite part was when Reagan recounted a conversation with a Cuban who had escaped to the freedom of America. The immigrant said “If freedom is lost in America, there is no where else for us to go.”

Female Sexuality and the Fall of Civilization: I ran into this at a blog I only recently discovered called The Thinking Housewife. While I can’t say I agree with everything in this post 100%, there are some hard-hitting things to consider. One thing that stood out to me was the sexually charged atmosphere on most college campuses, and how easy it is for the rare young woman who does graduate high school with her virtue intact to fall into all kinds of pitfalls once she goes to college. It was one of the things that resonated with me because we have strong convictions about the folly of shipping young people off to college after graduation. When we are met with opposition and accusations of “not trusting” our kids, I am incredulous because even as mature adults in our own lives, we realize the need for a strong spiritual support system when facing challenges. Why would we think it makes sense to toss our kids out into the world among strangers and strange values at such a pivotal time in their lives without the same just because the culture says we should? Caution: This post has a warning, but I want to warn my readers that this is a frank discussion about how the sexual revolution and the feminist movement has affected today’s women- complete with references to orga*ms, ma*turbation, hooking up on college campuses, and the like. It is not crude or necessarily ungodly, but it is frank. Read at your own risk.

Peggy Noonan: We Are Governed By Callous Children: A key factor in the utter recklessness in Washington and the refusal to understand the perils of unchecked spending? The fact that most of the folks in Washington, as well as most of the population for that matter, have no recollection of an America where prosperity wasn’t the normal order of business. Most of us, myself included, have only enjoyed the America of plenty where the sky is the limit and whatever we needed was no further out of reach than the nearest shopping center. We are callous. our leaders are callous- insensitive to the reality that the gravy train can end. In fact, it already has, and most Americans know it. It’s just those insulated by the bubble of the Washington beltway that haven’t yet realize that borrowed prosperity isn’t really prosperity at all.

Pursuing Titus 2: When A Strong Will Is Redeemed: Do you have a strong willed child? I do too, and it helps to remember that a strong will that is focused in the right direction is an asset, not a curse. This was encouraging to me. God can turn today’s rebel into tomorrow’s world changer.

Walter Williams’ American Idea: A really great column. Let me just post an excerpt:
“At the heart of the American idea is the deep distrust and suspicion the founders of our nation had for government, distrust and suspicion not shared as much by today’s Americans. Some of the founder’s distrust is seen in our Constitution’s language, such as Congress shall not: abridge, infringe, deny, disparage, violate and deny. If the founders did not believe Congress would abuse our God-given rights, they would have not provided those protections. After all, one would not expect to find a Bill of Rights in heaven; it would be an affront to God.” Now as much as the American in me enjoyed this piece of writing, I am well aware of the tension for the believer whose Biblical understanding of the notion of rights are something to be held quite loosely-even while the laws of the land in which I live grants me certain rights with my citizenship that I feel are under threat of being violated. I must to remember that my real citizenship is in heaven. I do, and it gives me great peace in these tumultuous times. But I still enjoy reading a good conservative piece of writing. So sue me.

I’ll stop right there for now, but there many more links on my delicious page and I’ll welcome a comment about any one them even if I didn’t highlight it here in the post. Let’s muse together today, shall we?

Happy Monday, all!

Monday’s Musings

I’ve had a busy month so far, and while I have many post ideas floating around in my head, I can’t seem to develop them into a coherent string of thoughts worth reading. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done a stream of consciousness post, otherwise known as my Monday Musings, so now is as good a time as ever I guess. A few of the things I’ve been contemplating in recent weeks:

• I have come to this point in my life: where I refuse to silently assent to things that I don’t agree with. You know the thing we do, where a friend or family member says something that we vehemently disagree with, but remain silent to avoid the conflict? Yes, that thing. We should stop doing that. Now I’m not advocating running around picking fights and engaging in fruitless debates for their own sake. I had a moment this weekend however with a fellow beloved believer whose statements were in direct conflict with Scripture. In fact, their position was actually more in line with the norms of the culture than anything else. It occurred to me in that moment that as believers, we must hold one another accountable for the truth when we both claim to believe it. Is it any wonder the church seems so worldly? We enable one another in our worldliness! And yes, I said spoke up, for no other reason than to make sure my position, and more importantly the Scripture, was clear.
• I need some advice from veteran homeschoolers: We have been doing some things that I would call “homeschool lite” (I borrowed that phrase from Amy). We haven’t been doing anything formal- daily reading together, observing nature as much as one can in the city, and some fun things to build recognition of the alphabet. She recognizes the whole alphabet and loves to color. She has even made the connection of certain words to the letter they begin with. It’s going well. Here’s my dilemma: because my older girls are in school, she understands the notion of homework, and she wants homework, too. She is adamant that it has to be pencil and paper, sitting at the table like her sisters. I found some fun worksheets on abcteach (thanks, Diane!) that are light hearted and she really enjoys them. But I really hate the idea of “doing school” like that even if it is only for 10 minutes. It feels too much like, well, school. Especially for a three-year-old. Any advice?
• A fun book we ran across: It’s called Science Play, and it’s basically a bunch of fun beginner science projects for kids aged 2 to 5. We’ve made ice cream in a sandwich bag, put a bug hotel in the back yard, and done every kind of shadow play known to toddler kind. This is a great book to spark an interest in science. Resources like this are invaluable to me because as a school parent, I’m not used to thinking these things up on my own. In fact, it’s harder for me because I’ve gotten so used to simply reinforcing whatever the teacher is teaching. I’m praying I can make the transition from being a school parent to a homeschool parent without too many missteps along the way.
• One of my daughters has taken on a passion for domesticity. I’m not quite sure where it sprang from, but I’m enjoying watching it unfold in her. She jumps at every possible chance to help around the house- without being asked. She loves to help cook, serve the family, and try to create new recipes. She’s also decided to be an English major when she goes to college. She wants to be a writer. She may minor in music theory and teach piano lessons to kids. The goal? To be able to do work that is compatible with being an at home mom. The girl’s thinking ahead!
• I’ve been thinking lately about opportunity costs. It started a couple of weeks ago with a passage in a book on economics that I’ve been reading recently. While Thomas Sowell was clearly not referring to what it costs in housework time time when I avail myself of the opportunity to blog, or what it costs us in family time if every child avails herself of the opportunity to participate in every extracurricular activity, the implications weren’t lost on me. The need to prioritize and weigh all of our options as well as understanding the cost of every opportunity is important. Sheila touched on this recently also, and I found the timing uncanny. Of course, the spiritual implications are huge as well.
• A fortuitous meeting: I was at the park last week and met a homeschool mom. She was a believer, too! We talked for a while and she gave me the names of some local homeschool support groups. Initially, I thought it was far too early for me to be joining homeschool groups. Until she told me of a wonderful bi-weekly meeting for preschool aged girls connected to one particular homeschool group. It is at a church I’ve heard good things about. The name of the group: Little Keepers at Home.
• If you have the time: Watch this video. If you can get the message despite the messenger, it is profound. It caught me up short because I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself defending our parenting choices precisely because I am trying to raise young people who are not like this culture. And I can’t tell you how many times I have implored my fellow Christian mothers to remember that we are not raising children, but are raising future adults. Could there be anything worse than releasing a “Christian narcissist” into the world? My reasons for linking to this have nothing to do with politics. In fact, I suggest stop watching it at about 7:58 because it’s at that point when the show’s host translates what all this means to him politically, and I really don’t want the message to be lost. The connection between the selfishness of the culture and abortion is spot on. If you do watch it, let me know if you agree. I especially want to know if you don’t agree, because as the mother of high school kids, I, would love for someone, anyone, to tell me that the fact that I see this as absolutely true is just because of where I am situational and geographically. Given my aversion to embedding videos, and my knowledge that the man on the video is a cultural lightning rod right now, surely you realize that I don’t post this lightly.

  Happy Monday, all!

Looking For That Secret Recipe

I have struggled to find that magic combination of parenting particulars that produces children that love the Lord, love me, love each other, and are just all around fabulous people. My girls are pretty great by almost any standard (I’m not biased), but particularly in light of a culture where reaching adulthood with any measure of purity and decorum intact is a miracle. Of course, I am in the trenches of life with kids in a public high school so it’s entirely possible that my perspective may be skewed. It’s probably not hard for my girls to look good against the backdrop of typical modern teenagers.

Still, when they have an ugly spat, like the one I witnessed this morning, or when I see hints of laziness or condescension or plain old rudeness, I wonder what I did wrong to have children who are so…human. So…like me in all the ways I disdain. Clicking around in the blogosphere does little to make me feel better because I’m constantly reminded that my children’s imperfections are a direct result of our choice to allow the older girls to remain in Satan’s indoctrinate workshop.

In light of all of this, I did what I believe is the thing to do when seeking wisdom: I went to my Bible. Surely there, I will find the secret to rearing perfect kids. And sure enough, I found instructions for what to instill in my children, how to point them in the right direction, and how to train them up in the way they should go. This was encouraging to me. When I went looking for some practical examples of perfect parenting, however, I was left wanting. Even among those great men and women of God who walked more closely with Him than we may ever know this side of heaven, there was no example of the perfect earthly parent.

One of the first mothers I took a look at was the mother of Moses, the great deliverer of Israel. This sister had the best of both worlds. She was a working mother- paid to nanny her own baby! Not only did she nurse him, she did a commendable job of instilling in him the faith of his forefathers as well as a love for his Hebrew brethren. Moses was an impressive figure. This is a mother I can learn something from. Her son was everything I want my daughters to be: brave, bold, love for God, love for mankind. Oh, wait. Moses had a nasty temper. I’m not talking about your average run of the mill temper tantrum either. He had so little control of his emotions that he killed a man. And I thought I’d found the one mother who could teach me how to raise the perfect child. So I kept looking.

Rebekah? Nope. She raised one short-sighted son and another a deceiver who took advantage of his brother’s short-sightedness. Bathsheba? Her son was highly self-indulgent, a weakness with the potential to be highly destructive. Samson’s mother? Uh-uh. I am getting a little discouraged in my search, but at the same time oddly relieved to see that even the greatest men who have ever walked the face of the earth were great men in spite of their weaknesses, not because they didn’t have any. Still, my mother’s guilt must have some basis in reality. So I continued my Biblical search.

David’s mother will certainly have the answers I’m looking for. God Himself called her son a man after His own heart. He wrote prayers and songs to God so beautiful that even now, thousands of years later, they bring us hope, comfort, and peace. Oh, wait. David had a zipper problem- or was it a tunic problem? They didn’t have zippers back then, but you get my drift. David had a weakness for beautiful women, and he’d use his kingship take one even if he knew she was another man’s wife. This was getting worse by the minute.

Ah, ah, ah! I think I may have found eactly the parent I have been looking for- sort of. Here was a man with two sons. One of them had some real problems. He took his inheritance prematurely, ran away and lived a disaster of a life, indulging in every possible kind of sinful revelry. It is clear that he was just a rebellious boy, though. Some people are determined to have their own way no matter what. You can’t hold that against the father because his other son, well, he was every parents dream: He stayed at home, served his father in every possible way, never transgressed his father’s commandments, and was an all around perfect kid. THIS is the kid I want to raise!

If you know the story, then you know that despite the outward perfection and piety of this perfect son, he had some real problems, too. They were just better hidden. He was missing the most important character trait of all- love. He lacked compassion and forgiveness for his brother who came home with a broken and contrite spirit, sorry for the distress he caused his father. He was angry at his brother and at his father for receiving him. He had been the perfect child. How dare his father celebrate when his brother came home, broke, broken, and humiliated? He thought his brother deserved to be broke, broken, and humiliated.

I don’t know that I want to raise that child after all. I’d rather have a child broken by her sins fall on her knees in humility and grateful love for a God who offers extravagant grace than a selfish, smug, self-righteous daughter with a proud heart who thinks she deserves all the good things that life has to offer because she’s been so good. Worse than that would be for me to think that I deserve to be praised for all my hard work raising the perfect daughter. That I struck all the right notes and her salvation is a direct result of all my efforts.

I would never be so foolish as to imply that I have no role to play in the adults my children become. For better or worse, they have been charged to my care and God will hold me responsible to train them up in the way they should go. Still, this offers me no guarantee that my children will behave perfectly, make all the right decisions, and love the Lord. I don’t hold their salvation in my hands. Furthermore, there is a world of difference between a compliant child and a child with a heart for obedience. It’s important that we don’t confuse the two.

For those of you with young children, they may seem like the same thing. But there comes a point when they are not even in the same neighborhood. I know. I was a very compliant child throughout all the years I remained at home. It wasn’t long however, after I became a young adult that it was clear that my obedience didn’t come from the heart. All the training, church services, and discipline my father instilled couldn’t do it. Only God Himself was able to turn my heart towards Him.

I think we can all agree that none of the great men and women of faith in the Bible went to public schools. None of them was involved with casual dating. Most of them could recite the Torah chapter and verse. And none of it was able to circumvent the reality that they were all too human. Just like us.

Edited to add: Moses was indeed trained in pagan, Egyptian schools. My mistake. Thanks to Mary for pointing it out.

The only perfect person I could find in Scripture was the only One with a perfect Father. Thankfully, His Father is my Father, too, and I can go to Him and ask Him to keep my girls in the palm of His hand and guide them into all truth. His truth, not mine. His righteousness, not mine. And as I try diligently to mother them the way He would have me to, in humility and love, I pray that they will each grow into the woman I was never quite able to be- in spite of me, and not just because of me.

Random Thoughts About Any and Every Random Thing…

A few musings, observances, blogkeeping notes, and other stuff all rolled into one:

• I went to open house at my kids’ high school the other night. We have twins so my husband went one way with one daughter and I went another. Overall, we were fairly impressed with their teachers and their approach. Comparing notes, both my husband and I came away thoroughly unimpressed with one of their respective 6 teachers. My problem? A teacher who asked that parents make sure the student does their homework, checks their binder, make sure they are organized, get their projects in on time. What??? These are high school kids! I don’t know about you all, but when I graduated high school 20 years ago, I was done. I am not going back to doing all this stuff. I watched parents nodding in agreement to this nonsense and I was stunned because my parents didn’t even GO to open house once we were in high school (they offer grade incentives for attendance now), and they certainly wouldn’t agree to do for me what I should do on my own. My daughter almost laughed out loud when she saw my face as this teacher rattled off to parents the things we should do to help our students succeed. She knew what I was thinking. And that’s good. She knows if she doesn’t do well, I will harbor no guilt.

• Baby oh Baby!! Two of my best bloggy buddies have big announcements posted on their blogs this week. Click on over and congratulate Jamala at A Marriage After His Heart, and Nicole, The Armchair Housewife. I have been waiting for both of them to make the official online announcement. Congratulations, ladies.
• You may have notice the conspicuous absence of political posts on this blog of late. That is by chance as much as by design. As I have again begun to filter my perception of world events through the lens of eternity, I haven’t felt compelled to write about politics. I am paying attention, but am not getting sucked in. I still have definite opinions. The best way to get a clue of what I may be thinking about things unfolding on the world stage however, is to take a peek over at my delicious links list. If I link to it, chances are I agree with the writer of the column- unless I expressly state otherwise in the notes.
• Over the years, I have become increasingly distanced from the entertainment world because let’s face it: half the stuff you can’t watch or listen to in good conscience anyway. Cooking channels, Animal Planet, Discovery, Science, and Fox News were our fare to begin with. But when I read about actors and Hollywood insiders banding together to advocate for the release of child rapist and fugitive from justice Roman Polanski, I was shocked and even more alienated from Hollywood. I didn’t think I could be easily shocked anymore, but apparently I was wrong. Ugh!
• The world has gone mad!! Well, at least it has in New York City as the school bake sale met its demise. In an effort to combat childhood obesity, bake sales will no longer be allowed as fundraisers in NYC schools. Leave aside for the moment that this will do absolutely nothing to combat obesity since schools don’t usually have bake sales every day, or even every week. I see this as just one more example of political correctness run amok. Given the budget crisis most schools face, you’d think a proven money maker like the school bake sale would be welcome. From a health standpoint, I’d rather my kid eat a cookie baked in some one’s kitchen than those poisonous, preservative-laden packaged things on the grocery store shelf.
• Speaking of baked goods: For those of you who attempted to access Giovanna’s delectable cake recipe using the link I provided, you probably know it doesn’t work. Apparently Giovanna had some computer issues and her blog temporarily bit the dust. She’s currently working on restoring it, but today is your lucky day, my baking friends. She reposted the recipe! Diane also used this recipe to make muffins, and substituted berries for the apples with grand results. Pictures of her delicious looking muffins can be found here.

Thanks again, Giovanna, for a great recipe.

Y’all have a relaxed, worshipful, and family-filled weekend.

Still Enough to Pray

I’ve always been very diligent to guard our time together as a family and restrict the number of activities our kids are involved in at any given time. There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that we don’t want our own time and lives to be monopolized by our children’s whims and interests. This faulty parenting model is one reason why many people shy away from having children to begin with. Parenting is hard work. It expands our capacity for love in ways we never imagined. The advent of children undeniably changes our lives for the better. They are not, however, to become our lives. I believe many a marriage has been sacrificed on the altar of child-centered families.

Furthermore, we don’t want our children to get the idea that life is all and only about their hobbies, their interests, and their schedules. Does society really need for me to unleash 6 more self-absorbed people into the millions already walking around in a narcissistic fog, taking all they can get and giving nothing? Our kids understand that they have a duty to be a contribution to the family and not just a drain on our time, energy, and resources. If we are to instill these values, they need to be at home often enough to be contributors to the family unit.What does any of this have to do with prayer? Hang in with me a minute. I’m laying the groundwork. After almost 5 weeks of silence, I’m feeling chatty.

I was talking with a friend one day about the busyness we were both experiencing as we prepared to get our children back in school. She was chronicling the numerous activities her daughter is involved in, and noted my incredulity at her willingness to stretch her child and herself so thin. She defended her position by pointing out to me that for her child, being constantly active and busy was essential. Sally just doesn’t do well without plenty of things to keep her mind and body busy. Just then a question arose from somewhere inside me that I wasn’t bold enough to voice out loud: How will Sally ever learn to pray? It turns out that it was a question much more about me than Sally.

We get insight into things at the strangest times and in ways we least expect. That conversation was one of those moments for me. In recent months, I’d been having a hard time quieting my mind and heart enough to sit before the Lord. Reading my Bible has never been a struggle because, well, I enjoy reading a great deal and reading the words of the Lover of my soul is simply an extension of that which I already loved.

Prayer, however, was another matter. It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to sit in quiet stillness and meditate on the Lord’s goodness, to talk to him without distraction. Whenever I would try to pray, my mind would run frantically to and fro. From concerns about breakfast, to the bills, to laundry, to the children, the blog and recent conversations on it, and everything in between. My mind was any and everywhere but focused on where I had purposed in my heart to be- in prayer.

Raising a family, tending to a home, and living life in a meaningful way keeps us busy. I’m not implying that a busy life is wrong. However I do believe that we need to guard against living an intensely busy life at the expense of more important matters. Especially when we use our busyness as a gauge of our worth, of how we view whether or not we are living a fruitful life. So often we equate being busy with being fruitful.

More intense personality types like me need to especially be on guard against this thinking. Being high strung presents enough of a challenge to quieting my soul without the added stress of an overly demanding schedule thrown into the mix. Throw in too much Internet or television news, and my mind can stay at warp speed for days on end. Sometimes I wish I was more laid back like my husband. Cool under pressure and hard to rattle. But that is just not who I am, and we complement each other well.

Do you know Steve Brown? I was in the car the other day, flipped on the radio, and he was on. I don’t usually listen to his program, but he said something that grabbed me. He said that he’s often asked how he is able to stay so laid back, and his response was, “It’s because I’m intense about being laid back.” I think that was just what I needed to hear. If I truly desire to be still enough to pray, I need to make a priority of living my life in a way that makes that possible.

Oh, yes, and to lead my children to this truth by the example I set.

“Daddies Don’t Do Dishes!!!”

We had an interesting moment after dinner recently. My husband had given our big girls a project in the yard, and it took them the better part of the day to complete it. As an aside, his purpose for putting them to work in the yard has many layers. The first was so that they could do some work to earn the money required to purchase their back to school gear. Second, hard work builds character- in young women as much as young men. Lastly, we firmly believe that our girls need to know how to accomplish a variety of tasks around the home- outside as well as in. This means they need to know how to wield a hammer, run a lawnmower, and his personal favorite, use a miter saw. Not only do they need to be able to do these things for themselves, but also to be good helpers to their husbands one day. What does this have to do with whether or not daddies do dishes? Not a thing. As usual I’ve gotten off topic so let me try and regain my focus.

At day’s end, our children are responsible for cleaning the kitchen, sweeping, and mopping the floors in our mostly tiled house. However, since they had spent the better part of the day working in the yard, we told them to take a shower and relax while we did the after dinner chores. As I went about sweeping and mopping the floors, my husband began to do the dishes. It didn’t occur to me at first how rare this was- for my husband to do dishes. Not until my three year old questioned and emphatically answered in a grand statement that stopped everyone in their tracks:

“Daddy, what are you doing in there? Daddies don’t do the dishes!!”

Well, obviously daddies do dishes because daddy was doing the dishes. The reality, however, is that I couldn’t remember her daddy doing the dishes even once in her three short years of life- ever. Not because it’s beneath him, or because it’s woman’s work, or any such thing. It has just worked out that way. In fact, it’s been quite a while since I’ve done any dinner dishes myself. Of course, she has seen me do dishes as I wash the breakfast dishes every morning after the family leaves for school and work. But with four adolescents in our house, there are more than enough hands to do dishes after dinner without my husband or me ever having to lift a finger. So we don’t. We sit and enjoy each other’s company as the kids clean up the mess.

It occurred to us after Little Princess’ declaration that it wouldn’t hurt for the kids to see Daddy doing dishes every now and then, for even the teenagers admitted that it was something of a surreal experience to be sitting while he washed them. They do appreciate that Daddy works hard all day and as such it’s perfectly fine for him to sit after work while we cook dinner, serve it, and do the clean up.

But just so they know that can Daddies do dishes too, we’ll put on the calendar again for August 2010.