The Forgotten part of the Equation in the Abortion Debate

I’m really not up for a fight, but this needs to be said so I’m saying it. Or at least letting the links speak for themselves.

There’s a new initiative under way by a black pro-life organization. The campaign is called “Fatherhood Begins in the Womb.” (h/t: Ann Brock). I agree with their stated aims and think that fathers are too often forgotten when this subject is discussed. However, I also think they go a bit too far in placing the problem of black fatherlessness solely at the feet of men.

I agree with Dr. Keith Ablow that men should have a say in the lives of their children from conception. If a man can object to his child being adopted out, surely he should be to object to the child being killed.

On that very serious and somber note, I wish y’all a restful, worshipful, and family-filled weekend.

Monday Musings:The Anti-Feminist, Politically Incorrect Edition

I had several posts in draft that sat unpublished because they have the potential to be controversial and I’m not in much of a fighting mood of late. However, since I am taking a hiatus to prepare for the holidays, clean upholstery and closets, and enjoy some quality time with Secret Agent Man over the next couple of months,  I will make my bold pronouncements, defend them over the next few days, then wish you all a blessed holiday season and  a happy New Year:

~Codified Female Irresponsibility and Immorality: If there is a short, succinct way for me to describe why feminism makes my skin crawl, that would be it. We have taken women’s immorality and irresponsibility, deemed it holy and enshrined it as the law of the land, while continuing to hold men to the  higher standards of generations past. We punish men for their immoral behavior while excusing women’s as if they are children. 

I thought feminism bothered me because of the perpetual victimhood, since I am equally turned off when minorities claim perpetual victimhood regardless of their choices. It’s different however, when it comes to women because we can use poor judgment and make immoral choices then have the law back us up. Blacks and other ethnic minorities don’t even enjoy that luxury, even after all of the legal gains of the past 50 years. Check the prison stats if you doubt me.

A woman can abort a baby whether the father wants his child or not. She can sue him for 18 years of child support whether he wants to be a father or not. Women can kill their husbands, claim battered woman syndrome, and get off  even if there is no past evidence of abuse. Never mind that the accused abuser is dead and unable to defend himself. Mary Winkler is just one example among far too many. I have a book to recommend for those who doubt my assertions:

~The Myth of Male Power: For my sisters who continue to stubbornly cling to the belief that feminism is a benign movement devoted to female equality and not female supremacy, I highly recommend this book by Warren Farrell, the first man to sit on the board of the National Organization for Women. In other words, this is not some patriarchy-obsessed preacher trying to keep women in their place. I don’t even think he’s a believer. I didn’t agree with everything in the book because I believe that the God-created differences between men and women shouldn’t be summarily dismissed with psyco-babble  when discussing these issues. Men and women do have gender-specific strengths and weaknesses and we shouldn’t try and create a world where that isn’t acknowledged for a pseudo-equality that will never truly exist. Our differences complement each other. However, the fact that Mr. Farrell is able to show the blatant injustice and hypocrisy of the feminist movement using facts and verifiable data  makes this book resonate even if you don’t agree with all of his conclusions. In other words, you don’t need to be religious to see the problem here. You just need to be willing to look objectively.

~I support reproductive equality for men: I have come full circle with respect to my thoughts on Roe vs. Wade ever being overturned. It probably won’t. Even if it is,  abortion will remain legal in most states with few restrictions. I will always vote pro-life, but there is something we can do now to ensure true justice and reduce the numbers of abortions. It ain’t politically correct, but we can save some babies rather than none waiting for an ideal outcome we may never get in a nation with laws increasingly hostile to what we believe. We should do what’s doable, which means discouraging out-of-wedlock pregnancies to begin with. You can know if you’re truly interested in equality by your reaction to what I’m about to suggest next.

Give men the equal right to choose or not choose fatherhood along with all corresponding responsibility and rights. Women would be in same position as women generations prior knowing they have no legal right to a man’s livelihood without prior agreement that he wants or at least expects to be a father, with all the legal rights as well as responsibilities it entails. Marriage used to serve that function and should again. Actually, women wouldn’t be in exactly the same position as women in prior generations, because they can still avail themselves of the numerous birth control options available. In a few years’ time, out-of-wedlock pregnancies would decrease along with a corresponding drop in the number of abortions. Besides, it’s the right thing to do legally according to  laws of the land as outlined in the 14th Amendment. I am not saying that men should be able to force women to have abortions. In fact, I’m saying just the opposite.

~I thought this video was very interesting: I ask in advance that you disregard the caption at the top, because it’s irrelevant. That a mainstream, Oscar-winning female celebrity would endorse  marriage where the husband leads and the wife submits isn’t something you hear every day.  I didn’t embed because the views are expressed in an unChristian tone, though nothing vulgar or over the top when discussing marriage.

I’ve said here before that I have no expectation that unbelievers would or even should adhere to the Biblical commands concerning marriage and family, but  this is an sure sign that anyone can see that something is terribly wrong with our families.I hope I’ve shed light on why I feel the way I do about feminism.

Scripture says in Romans 1 that God’s attributes are clearly seen in nature, and that our deliberate rejection of God and His ways leads to a moral abyss that we cannot climb out of apart from Him. We’ve chosen to worship a God made in our own image and the results, if not the true solution are apparent to all who dare to look, believers and non-believers alike. 

More and more people are looking at the landscape and figuring out that marriage interdependence with different responsibilities don’t give one person power over another, but free each partner in a marriage to maximize their potential to love and work together as a team. Most men are not and never were as powerful as we have been brainwashed to believe anyway.

Women were duped into equating the drudgery of employment with power, even though most men will tell you they feel anything but powerful breaking their backs every day (literally or figuratively) to bring home the bacon. This really isn’t about whether women work or not, though my feelings on that subject are well-documented. They have evolved a bit since I believe that what the husband of the family decides works best for the family is what matters, not my opinion no matter how passionate.

It’s about blossoming in our God-ordained positions within our families, which may or may not include paid work, but definitely includes submission to and respect for our husbands. This means not bad-mouthing them, not killing them, and not trying to pass off children conceived through illicit affairs as theirs and demanding court-ordered child support, among other things.  Christians should not be supportive of a system that not only allows such injustice to flourish, but rewards it. If we can’t agree on that, then I don’t know what more I can say. But fair warning: I will continue to say it!

I am blessed to know good women who love their husbands and children and understand how this unrestricted choice on the part of women alone harms men, children and families.  Many of you who read here are excellent women, godly wives, and devoted mothers. Still, I find myself dismayed that Christian women don’t appreciate what all of this means for their sons and daughters, their brothers, even their husbands. Lest we think our children are automatically immune from the problems because we are raising them in Christian homes, let me remind you that Matthew Winkler was a preacher whose alleged abuse has still never been proven, when his wife shot him in the back, served 60 days in jail, and retained custody of their children. We need to be willing to first see, and then speak, the truth. That starts with understanding that we have been fed a steady diet of lies for the past 40 years. Women collectively haven’t had it nearly as bad as we’ve been told. At least we’ve not had it any worse than men.

End rant.

Holiday greetings to everyone who reads this!  

Enjoy a blessed Thanksgiving, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

See y’all next year.

On Being Quiverfull

When I was the young mother of three children born in the space of 12 months, uninterested in living according to what the Bible said about anything, I thought I was done having babies. After the exhaustion  of caring for three wee ones was gone, and sleep became a reality again, I happily threw myself into the care and raising of my children, never imagining I would have any more.

As the youngest of our three children were turning 10,   and I became attuned to the working of God in my life through experience and through His word,  He changed my heart. We have since been blessed with two more  children that none of us can imagine life without, and can hardly remember what life wa like before they came.

 An essential component of living according to the spirit rather than the flesh while being intellectually honest about the realities of life is cultivating a prayerful heart. Even more important when faced with an ever growing list of “you must do this to be holy”  requirements, is remembering that there is nothing we can do in our own strength to be acceptable God. And thank heaven for that!

After the birth of our youngest child I needed to come to terms with this truth as my husband and I, on the heels of what turned out to be a far more eventful delivery than we bargained for, wrestled with whether or not we should continue to do this. I shared his concerns. Of all my pregnancies, only the first was an easy one, free of complications, and not ending in a surgical delivery. No amount of prayer has ever helped me to shake the feeling of foreboding that nags at me every time I go into the hospital to deliver a baby.

I’ll get to the Scriptures, arguments, and reasonings tied to this topic in just a minute. Before I do that,  I want to lay all my cards on the table because I am not so foolish to believe that my personal history plays no part in the conclusions I’ve reached. When considering my own complicated pregnancies in conjunction with the fact that I was the last child born to a woman who did not leave the hospital alive after giving birth to me, I bring a ton of baggage to this debate. With all of my cards on the table, I will state my position on being quiver full and whether or not a married woman must embrace the lifestyle in order to live a Biblically sound life.

 Before I do that I think it  bears mentioning that when this subject is discussed among Christian women on the Internet, the desires of  a husband are often ignored as if it is solely the decision of a wife whether or not the family continues to grow. It is not, and we are to respect the wishes of our husbands on issues not related to blatant sin and righteousness, and let the Lord deal with them as He wills.

I believe with all my heart that the default position of any married couple should be to be open to children. Many children. I do not believe that bigger homes, college tuition rates, team sports, global warming, music lessons, designer clothes, and the ability to vacation yearly are reasons enough for Christian couples to  avoid having more than 2 children. I was grieved when I received comments tinged with disapproval masked in humor when I was pregnant with our youngest child.  At church! What has happened to us that we view children as anything less than the blessing that the Bible says they are? Let’s take a moment to examine what the Scripture says about children:

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed,  But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.Psalm 127:4-5

And again:

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD. Psalm 128:2-4

The question of course becomes, who determines when the quiver is full? Or how many children does one need to have around his table to be considered blessed? The answer 50 years ago would have been The Lord, of course. He is the only one who can open the womb, and until technology hacked into our reproductive systems in the 1960′s, He was the only One who could close it. 

With the advent of hormonal  birth control, the power to control the number of children we give birth to was literally at our fingertips.  The Christian church at large initially rejected all unnatural forms of birth control . However,  just as the children of Israel allowed the ways of the surrounding people to infiltrate their lives and worship, it wasn’t long before the attitudes of the culture infiltrated  the church and we began to take control of the numbers of babies we welcomed into our families, even going so far as to ridicule couples who would declined to follow suit, who welcomed as many children as the Lord saw fit to give them.

It is this trend that confuses the issue for families like ours, whose considerations go far beyond convenience, cultural trends and material comfort. I am thankful for the medical advancements that have allowed me to give birth to five babies under circumstances that cost mothers in similar situations their lives just a few generations ago.

I have given a lot of thought to this in recent years. I have great respect for families who eschew birth control, trusting God in faith to provide for how ever many children He sees fit to bless them with. I pray that many more Christian families would reconsider this issue through the lens of Biblical truth and begin to make life affirming choices.

I have examined the words of believers who assert that quiver full is the only expression of genuine faith with regard to family size. I’m not sure that I disagree. And while I respect the women who profess that they would rather sacrifice their lives giving life to their child instead of  the alternative, part of me cringes because I have been the child left behind. Such statements sound as flippant to me as they do faithful because I know many of these women have no understanding of how difficult it is to be motherless as a young child. After much prayer, I have concluded that it is wholly acceptable for me to consider the lives of my existing children so long as my heart’s desire is to be open to life and children as much as possible.

 On the other side of the equation are Christian women who assert that  this is not a salvation issue (I agree),  so there is absolutely nothing wrong with a couple deciding to restrict their family size for any and all reasons. That it’s no one else’s business. I appreciate the principle of marital privacy, but I am also quite frankly disturbed with the  lone ranger mentality that has gripped the church. There is a place for accountability and discussing these issues of life among believers with whom we have a close, trusting relationship. Our  much celebrated American rugged individuality has no place in the life of the church.

Even if it were true that there is nothing wrong with restricting family size for arbitrary reasons, and I am far from convinced that it is true, we should run as fast as we can from worldly trends. And the denigration of children and family is among this culture’s most aggressive trends. We are supposed to be  salt and light. A city set on a hill. We can hardly live up to that standard while walking in lockstep agreement with every standard the world sets. If we do, our salt is good for nothing other than to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. Unfortunately,  it seems this is often exactly how we are received.

In the end, I have concluded that this issue isn’t nearly as black and white as we try to make it. It just occurred to me that I have offered nothing here to cut through the ambiguities on this subject, other than to interject my belief that ambiguities exist. What those are will be different from one couple to the next. As much as my heart wants to be quiver full, the realities of the life I live today, with the children I am blessed with now, makes it much easier to extol than do.

Random Thoughts

It isn’t Monday, I know, but every day is a great day for a muse! A few of the things I’ve been contemplating of late:

~Let me start with an apology.
It was not my intent to insinuate in any way that the author of The Thinking Housewife is a racist. If I have done that, then I was wrong. I believe we, as thinking people, can disagree on major issues and that it in no way reflects that those we disagree with are evil. We simply disagree. Laura, I apologize if my post was offensive or insulting to you.

~You guys really floored me with your response to my last post. It was one of those posts where I wasn’t expecting many comments. Devotional type posts rarely draw a lot of response. It was hastily written and I initially thought it just a confusing bit of rambling about how much I have to be thankful for and how often I forget to be thankful. Your comments simply underscored what I have come to believe: We are more alike than different, because humanity really is a shared experience. Speaking of being more alike than different:

~I prefer my racism straight up, which is one of the reasons my views evolved into what many would call conservative. I have recently come to view my thoughts as plain ‘ol common sense and a belief that all men are created equal. One of the things you run into as a minority in high school preparing for college is that many colleges have a lower admission standard for students of certain ethnic backgrounds in an effort to promote diversity and meet certain enrollment ratio guidelines. The problem? Black and Latino students are the students usually targeted to receive this “benefit.” Asian students, not so much. I’ve often said I’d rather you just call me a stupid nigger and be done with it than to condescend to me and imply that I am a special case in need of a leg up based solely on my skin color. And don’t do it to my kids either. They are not inherently less intelligent than anyone else.

~While we’re on the subject of education, can I take a minute to applaud a couple of single, homeschooling mamas? Now, I don’t know that I would ever be brave enough to take on this challenge as a single parent (in fact I’m fairly certain I would not), but these ladies do, and I want to take my hat off to them, as well as to the one real life single mother I am acquainted with who home schooled her son to completion. Hats off to Diane, at Tomato Soup Cake. She is the consummate homemaker, and I’ve gotten lots of inspiration from her blog from that perspective as well. Hats of to Kysha as well, at Loves School. You ladies absolutely astound me.

~I have been paying far less attention to politics lately. I am finding much more peace as I focus on my Heavenly Father and His word. Still, I am not oblivious to the world around me and I was frankly, stunned, to learn that the health care bill almost died in the House of Representatives because there were not enough Democrats willing to sign on for federally funded abortions. This is an interesting and hopeful development. I wouldn’t be surprised if, in the end, the whole health care debate falls apart on this sticking point.While I never thought that was possible, I am thankful that the issue is taking center stage. I heard about Baby Gabby, born when her mother was just 4 months pregnant, and now she is thriving. This story made me wonder why the tenor of this debate hasn’t changed, given the medical knowledge and technical advancements we now enjoy? If the people of this country are decidedly pro-choice, why are we having a discussion that is not intellectually honest? Can we honestly say, whatever side of the issue you fall on, that life doesn’t begin until a baby is born? Why are we pretending that this is not about killing babies, but about a woman’s right to decide if she should be forced to carry a fetus (which may or may not be a real person) inside of her to term and deliver it? If we have medical evidence that these “fetus” are viable at as little as 4 months gestation, then this is no longer about whether life begins at conception, is it? Now we can have a debate about whether or not a baby’s right to life is guaranteed as long as he inhabits his mother’s body, and whether that life has rights before it’s born, but to continue to dance around the issue of whether or not these babies are babies? Let’s cut this out, already.

~It’s Veteran’s Day. If you are so fortunate to see one of our brave service men and women as you go about your day, take the time to thank them for their service. If you know a family who is waiting patiently for their deployed loved one to come home, thank them for their sacrifice on our behalf. And continue to pray for the devastated victims, and families of victims of the Fort Hood massacre. Happy Veteran’s Day. If you read this blog and are connected to our armed services in any way, thank you.

Rather Than Simply Cursing the Darkness….

I think it’s important to turn on the light. I recently posted a link to an article that generated a lot of emotion in those of you who read it. It evoked a visceral response from me as well, so much so that I neglected to address the issue in a compassionate and balanced way. Don’t misunderstand me. I think a little righteous indignation is a good thing because sometimes in 21st century Christendom, it appears that passionate and zealous action to advance the Kingdom of God is in short supply in the pews.

However, when it comes to the issue of abortion, we have to be prepared to set aside our righteous indignation and seek to heal the souls of those around us who in many cases feel cornered and alone to begin with. Particularly when considering those young women for whom this choice really isn’t their choice at all. A great many of the children lost each day to abortion are not sacrificed on the altar not of convenience for the mother, as in the case of the article I linked. Sometimes they are sacrificed for the sake of their family’s reputation, their boyfriend’s unwillingness to commit, or their husband’s refusal to deal with one more mouth to feed. Some women are hiding from the condemnation of their church families, where they are supposed to be able to find unconditional love. We have to be willing to embrace those around us who feel like they have no place to go and no one to turn to.

I know that there are many women who view this issue through the selfish, detached perspective expressed by the author in the first piece I wrote about. As much anger as I feel when I consider the way that the feminist movement has devalued our children and denigrated the high calling of motherhood, I am equally aware that to an entire generation of young women, no real alternative to the feminist agenda has ever been presented-not even in their churches.

There are millions of young women (and young men, for that matter) who have no idea that there is a higher and better alternative to the androgynous lifestyle that much of our culture promotes. Many young women don’t know God has a calling for them that doesn’t require them to compete with men for domination and control. Most young men are unaware of the joy and respect they will find in being a responsible provider and loving leader of their families. They have never been exposed to such a life. That’s where we come in.

If there is a young woman or man in your family or in your life, who finds themselves in the undesirable position of facing an unwanted pregnancy, offer a listening ear rather than a condemning sermon. They will be much more receptive to the gospel message when they know that you care and are not judging them. When a young mother in your community who already has 4 children tells you that she’s is expecting a 5th, don’t respond in the sarcastic and disrespectful way that she will encounter almost every where else she goes. Rejoice with this couple that God has blessed their family with the gift of a beautiful new life.

If each of us who values life, children, and family would reach out in love to those around us who need it most, we can save countless numbers of unborn children, and add souls to the Kingdom of our Savior, one heart at a time.

In memory of my Aunt Nadine, who passed away Sunday, at the age of 76. She was one of the sweetest, most loving people I have ever known.

Where Is Our Outrage?

Be warned: those of you who are mothers, plan to be mothers, or simply love children will find this article deeply disturbing. Nonetheless, I think it’s worth sharing because it shines a bright light on the problem with the feminist movement and the impact it’s having on our country, and in particular, on our kids. The way we denigrate motherhood and the blessing of children is readily apparent in every word written in this piece. Even among those who insist that feminism provides women with choices, I think you’ll agree that this choice is one that women can live without.

How did we get to a place where a woman can willingly and peacefully extinguish the lives of her own children without a second thought? And what’s more, write about it in such a disconnected, matter of fact way? How does this woman look into the face of the child she allowed to survive and not feel agonizing guilt that she deprived him of the joy of growing up with the siblings with whom he shared her womb? Read the entire article here.

By way of full disclosure, let me say that I understand what it feels like to be pregnant when you’d rather not be, or when the timing isn’t great. We had twins who were born when our oldest was just 11 months old. My baby was just 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant. I was tired, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed. My initial reaction was not a pleasant one. Just when I got comfortable with the fact that we were having another baby, I found out we were having two! Never once did I consider “terminating the pregnancy”. These were my kids! Once they were inside of me, I couldn’t imagine a life without them, nor did I want to.

As much as I like to think of myself as an optimist, I have to say that this article rocked my faith in our ability as thinking people, to identify right from wrong in any instance, if it is possible for this to run in the New York Times and the country not rise up in outrage at the callousness with which we treat the most innocent among us. It is my prayer that you will read it and be spurred to action-in prayer, in witness, and also in the voting booth. So read it, please. And forward it to anyone you know who is concerned about the effects of abortion on our country. Maybe if enough of us get fed up, we can affect some meaningful change.